magnificently cursed

this list is not in any order, and i am not familiar with most of these artists, so an inclusion on this is not an endorsement of anything! if ive made a mistake anywhere, just let me know!

schmekel - transmasc jewish folk band (they seem to have deleted the majority of their music off most platforms, unsure why? but this link is to a playlist of re-uploads)

exiliahu - very vocally pro-palestine jewish trans man

noah finnce - british trans man, pop rock

ellyotto - canadian trans man, hyperpop

jesswar - fijian-austrailian trans man, hip hop

2am ricky - Black american trans man, hip hop/soul/jazz/house

rahim redcar - french trans man, indie/alt-pop

elio mei - american trans man, indie folk

anjimile - Black american trans man, indie folk

the oozes - queer punk band w/ a trans man lead singer

sushi soucy - transmasc, folk rock

dopamine - band of scottish transmascs

boy jr - transmasc, indie/alt rock

great grandpa - queer indie rock band w/ trans man lead singer

riotnine - transmasc punk band

the muslims - transmasc poc anti-fascist punk band

TR sun - Black american trans man, hip hop

billy tipton - american trans man, 1940s jazz star

mal blum - american trans man, indie rock/folk punk

dayflower - british transmasc "dreamcore" indie pop band

ryan cassata - american trans man, folk punk

ezra butler - british trans man, indie pop

bells larson - canadian nonbinary trans man, indie pop

sasha allen - american trans man, indie pop

boy bowser - american trans man, energetic hip hop

mikah amani - Black american trans man, folk music

jake edwards - british trans man, pop music

jakey bake - trans man, super indie/underground

king aiden - Black american trans man, indie pop

addison grace - american transmasc, indie pop

dylan and the moon - british trans man, indie folk

searows - american trans man, indie folk/bedroom pop

elio kennedy yoon - Asian-american trans man, indie pop

beverly glenn copland - Black canadian trans man, art/folk pop

REVENGEOFPARIS - nonbinary transmasc rapper

V3CTORGRAPH1CS - nonbinary transmasc, hyperpop

Um Jennifer? - american indie rock duo ; one is transmasc, the other is transfem

jigsawllie - transmasc, indie "weirdcore" vocaloid music

employee (completely blank expression): “No.”

partner (autistic) (socialscript.exe encountered an unhandled exception) : “…Uh. Um. Sorry?”

employee: “We don’t have that.”

partner (wondering if perhaps he put too much of the authentic accent on the word and that’s what’s throwing the guy): “You don’t have…(pronouncing it whiter) carnitas?”

employee (face still unreadable): “No.”

partner (looking at the near-full hotel pan of perfectly normal carnitas in its usual place on the other side of the glass) (noticing this employee looks unfamiliar) (maybe he’s a new guy that just started five minutes ago with no training?) : “The…pork?” (pointing at it)

employee: “We don’t have pork.”

partner (beginning to wonder if he’s the one that’s losing it) (desperately looks to the menu on the wall behind the employee) (the menu lists carnitas as a protein option) (the word “carnitas” is not crossed out or taped over or otherwise adulterated) (carnitas have been on the standard menu since at least 2016) : “Okay. Um. Are you…sure?”

other employee working the toppings part of the line (familiar) (have seen her before) (she has cool earrings): *gives the new guy a strange look, nudges him aside, and scoops the carnitas onto partner’s bowl before continuing with the other toppings*

- the employee keeps very strictly kosher/halal/vegan and refuses to handle pork (understandable, I respect that, but if you’re gonna work at a place that serves pork I do kinda feel like when someone orders it you’ve just gotta tap in a coworker to do it for you)

- someone did something gross to the carnitas and the employee is trying to warn people not to order it (??? throw it out then? also, three weeks in a row???)

partner (well aware of what he’s getting into with this guy now): “Hi. Could I please have a bowl with white rice, black beans, and pork?”

employee: “We don’t have pork.”

partner (demonstrating a level of patience only a public school teacher could have): *points at the pan of carnitas* “Could I please just have some of that?”

employee (after several slow, confused blinks): *points at the same pan* “That’s steak.”

partner (looking at the hotel pan they’re both pointing at) (it is filled with shredded meat of a pale beige color) (at the other end of the row of pans is another pan containing dark brown, lightly charred meat chopped into small pieces): “Okay.” *deciding he’s willing to play in this fantasy space if it gets the job done, he points at the first pan again* Then could I please have the steak?”

employee: *starts to reach for the pan at the other end containing the actual steak*

partner: "Oh—no, sorry, this one please?" *points at the first pan containing the carnitas*

employee: *blinks, then just walks away and starts helping the next customer in line, leaving partner's bowl unfinished*

other employee with cool earrings: *rolls her eyes at new employee, takes partner’s bowl, and fills it with carnitas herself*

new theories:

- the employee is a bridge troll who will only dole out his delectable carnitas to those who prove themselves worthy by correctly answering his riddles three

Mr. Eternal Bluntshine of the Porkless Mind isn't the first idiosyncratic cryptid Partner has encountered at this particular Chipotle. He joins the illustrious ranks of The Lobster Mobster and 300 RPM Matthew McConaughey

Partner says he does not actually mind dealing with this unskippable cutscene every time because A) he finds it amusing and B) on one occasion, after Cool Earrings's intervention, the new employee checked him out at the register, and he rang up the bowl clearly labeled "CA-Q" (carnitas with queso) as chicken, which made it slightly cheaper

Some of my favorite possible explanations from the tags:

what they got:

what the Foxes expected: traumatized poor baby angel runaway 🥺😇

what they got: