I'm right behind you...

I’ll do you one better. All Food Service Jobs: Please remember that it is a literal crime, a Felony, for you to come to work if you have diarrhea, Salmonella, E. Coli, or any other illness that can be transmitted via food contact. Same Job: If you miss two days you will be terminated for cause, and your last paycheck voided. No you cannot appeal this, no we don’t care if you have a doctor’s note.

cool!

HABY BIRTDOY

I just straight up don’t have an ip address

DM after failed stealth roll: Hmm… You try to sneak around but you’re dummy thicc and the clap from your ass cheeks alerts the guards. Roll for initiative.

Oh my god I forgot I was in Wales and I was trying to read signs thinking I was having a fucking stroke

is there a reason for this? like is this part of a strike or something im not aware of? 

Ralph, pick a number between 1 and 10

four of course because it’s my lucky number

Good cause that’s your IQ

Pokemon except all dialogue is written like Scottish Twitter PLEASE

So my friend’s kid has celiac and dyslexia and reading labels is difficult for them (also they’re like 7) so he’s teaching their pigeon, Grey Boy, to read the labels and identify ingredients with gluten. It’s going well, other than Nick thought it would be a good idea to make the behavior when the pigeon does find a bad ingredient to just fucking…wing slap the box. Just beat the shit out of it like, “no! BAD gluten! BAD!”

This is beautiful.