voila ☆

okay. idk why i just need to yap about this and i don’t expect anyone to see this but.

i feel like one of the reasons i’m so sad about byler not happening is because of the way they handled will’s side of the story. i’m obviously horribly mad about the way they treated mike’s story too, because i know so many people related to what his story could have been, but the way that they handled will was just depressing.

because i see myself so deeply in him. i am the kid saying “i’m not gonna fall in love” and that “when you’re different, sometimes you feel like a mistake”. my whole life i’ve had internalized transphobia and homophobia. honestly who doesn’t, growing up in this world. but anyways, my whole life i’ve been so scared of being unwanted, romantically or platonically. i’ve been, and still am, so scared that nobody will ever love me because of the parts of me i can’t change. it’s so hard to try and convince yourself that it’s not true when everyone is telling you that your feelings are invalid or that you’re gross or wrong for being someone or loving someone. it’s such a fear for so many queer people that we will never be able to live the lives that we want to.

and to see those anxieties shoved back into your face. for two old, cisgender, straight men to get to decide how queer people’s stories go.

for the writers of a show we had so much faith in to endorse all of the worries and horrible feelings that we’ve had. to say that we just have to be fine without the love we really want.

as if half of us aren’t living that life already.

we wanted hope. all of the lonely kids who are different and think that they will never find love wanted hope. a sign that maybe things could work out. that someone will love us unconditionally, as ourselves, as our whole selves. we don’t want a bar. we don’t want some random unnamed boy. we don’t want to have to settle for “just friends”. we wanted hope.

but no. that would be too kind. that’s “not the way this world works”.

so we have to settle for “just friends”. we have to settle for the only acceptance we get being self-acceptance. we have to settle for other people choosing our stories for us. according to them, at least.