show me the booty

love to be paid a leather pouch heavy with coin that makes a satisfying clink as the mysterious stranger sets it down meaningfully on the oaken table

As a Target cashier who had a guest pay $53 all in quarters yesterday, no you don't

“why does my mouth feel so weird? Oh, because I haven’t had liquid since yesterday.”

I fucking love jock villagers in animal crossing they're just like, "what is UP bro your triceps are looking particularly radiant today. Take this DIY card. Love you bro"

In the fostering world, we call this the “spay me now” look.

this is what it feels like to be the oldest cousin at a family event

bert was always my favorite muppet as a kid and TBH I stand by this as an adult. 

what if we pissed in the toilet

me to everyone in the mens bathroom

damn when did they release garlic 2

me, taking a nap to avoid all my responsibilities: I can have a little unconsciousness. as a treat.

The girls are TALKING

me when they let me out of my cage

@picsthatmakeyougohmm

while i nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a clapping, as of ass cheeks gently clapping, clapping at my chamber door, “tis’ a visitor” i muttered “dummy thicc and nothing more

This post will never leave my mind O.O

That carrot sounds really good

I’ve spent hours trying to play instruments and this guy just whittles up a carrot and kills it

smooth carrot for your soul