!!!!

“what’s that mean? is that another joke because i’m small and furry?!”

Wade debating giving Rocket a straightforward answer, “Yes. Definitely,” but decided that telling the truth was a lot more fun.

“How could I not? It looks great on you, really makes your eyes pop.”

Wade flipped imaginary hair over his shoulder, “Ugh, really? Tell me more.”

“Hm? What? I can’t hear what you’re saying Wade.” Clint tapped on his hearing aid with a shit eating grin, knowing full well that it was working fine and he could also read his friend’s lips.

“Can’t use that trick on me!” Wade let out a curt laugh, followed by a crude but clearly understandable fingerspelling of the word dumbass.

“We are Venom.” The symbiote replied, his tongue getting awfully close to Wade in the process.

Without thinking Wade reached out a red gloved finger and poked the large pink tongue, undulating inches away from his face, “---ew.”

“I am not cheap Captain America ripoff.” He lied. He knew he was a Captain America ripoff– but his pride would not allow him to take the hit.

“Buddy, pal-- don’t lie to yourself, man. That’s not healthy.” Says you, pfft.

“Oh for fucks sake– do you ever keep any thought to yourself?”

“Nope.” Wade replied, popping the ‘p’ with extra emphasis.

“Maybe it’s something you can’t hear.” She said, still maintaining that small smile. “But I’m pretty sure there’s no other way to explain it.”

“Hey, like I always say-- ‘When in doubt, blame the c-word.’ The c-word is cancer if that wasn’t obvious.”

“Can’t tell if I’ve struck a nerve or if you’re just begin stubborn.”

Wade shook his head, pursing his lips for a moment as browbone sank in thought, “You know, I’m not quite sure myself.”

“Deadpool. Right. I’ve heard of you.” Her tone implied it wasn’t necessarily a good thing. “Nasty? Not with you, no.”

“Really?” nonexistent brows rose in surprise, “Me likey scary Russian lady-- er, Yelena.” Wade made an effort to remember the blonde’s name, for fear that she may attempt to skin him alive at some point if he had not.

“I said can’t totally tell yet. You have the strangest look like you’re about to die, already have and are also fully alive.”

“That’s called cancer bay-beee,” finger guns and a wink were sent in the valkyrie’s direction, “That, and a shitty, shitty x-gene.”

“Here is my labs. Our private labs.”

Lightly slapping himself in the face a few times to confirm his consciousness, Wade looked utterly bewildered, “I--- I must have been sleepwalking. Not again.” That was a lie. There was never a first time.

“They didn’t teach us Xhosa, but they taught us twelve other ones.”

Wade whistled, thoroughly impressed, “Wow. Slow down there, Einstein.”

“I’m sorry if I do not laugh, Wade. Even though it sounds as if you were attempting to be funny.”

“Oh, Kurt. Kurt-y. Kurty Wags. Fuck, your name is hard to nickname-ify.”

“You gonna kick everyone’s asses then?”

“Absolutely. I’ve got a lot of free time. Lemme at ‘em.”

“I’m not sure why you’d waste time on your end bothering me.”

“Because you’re just a joy to be around, Baby Mags. And I now know that if you try to decapitate me, I’ll just grow back. So, no harm no foul.”

“Not here. Like I said, I don’t think he wants to talk to you.”

“Ok, fair enough-- are you willing to take a message? Or did I miss the beep?”

“Dark childhood? Same. This isn’t a competition.” 

“Who said it was? But if it was--- hypothetically speaking of course ---I would win.”