I'm not a boyfriend. I'm a lapdog

two meads in and i'm asking my knight if i can feel how sharp his blade is 🤦‍♂️ i'm giggling and kicking my feet too. should i ask him to press it against my neck or is that too forward

they've yet to make an experience more bewildering and confusing than trying to pick up a rpg after more than a week

take my ass to torture city where the grass is ouch and the girls are hit me

nope. funkytown again

come on

im gonna make it big someday just you watch

*goes back to jerkin it*

No midroll ads and it’s just a polite man playing hitman with meditative music in the background this is actually just insane enough to be my new favorite thing to fall asleep to

“Now I will drop this man here and quietly snap his neck. The Mackerel claims its first victim” okay I’m here for life.

i never thought about it like that

i like how all cats regardless of species can either look rlly badass and cool or just incredibly silly stupid

it's good that I will never be a dog breeder, bc I would make the elephant dog. long borzoi snout, chunky pitbull body, ears of a papillon

teamwork makes the dream work. and dreamwork. makes shrek