A Masterpiece of Moronics

a Feeline

Reactionary union guys talk about immigrants the exact same way ancient Roman populists talked about slaves. Like "I lost my job because the boss figured out he could save money by forcing another guy to do it under threat of death for less or no pay, and I've decided I'm gonna be mad at the guy instead of at our boss"

My dad used to say that the only men who are adamant about their female sexual partners being virgins before them and obsessed with women having low body counts are men who are extremely bad in bed and are afraid of their female sexual partners having anything to compare it to and the ability to recognize that sex is supposed to be good and that particular guy is not good. Which I believe to be true but it was a bizarre yet insightful bit of sex ed to get as a teenager.

WILD that Mitch McConnell is somehow well enough to have multiple 20 minute conversations discussing intricate diplomatic issues and Senate history, but not well enough to record a 20 second video flashing his constituents a thumbs-up as proof of life.

"What's up, big dog; I'm ratsmacker" is going to live rent free in my head for a little while

Look, I realize that the whole Schrodinger's Mitch thing has real political consequences on a national level, but since I'm not from Kentucky and have no say whatsoever in the outcome of the situation, I'm honestly just finding the entire thing grimly hilarious. Has Horrible Turtle Man died? We don't fucking know! Turns out senators can just not show up to work indefinitely and there are no consequences! What fun!

thinking about phone sex where you call them already touching yourself, softly pinching a nipple, sliding your hand down your stomach before reaching to tease your arousal, desire and want thick on your lips. and also thinking about how their grip on their phone would tighten when they hear you whisper their name, half whine and half moan

Putting zucchini in everything is the opposite of a guilty pleasure. It's a purifying penance that absolves you of all sin.