Childhood Stories (Blog Entry # 7)
When my dad was a child, his family wasnāt that touchy or showy in terms of affection. My mother grew up without parents because her dad was always busy and her mom left them. My mom went through childhood without much affection, but somehow, sheās really affectionate as my mother, maybe because she wants to be the mother she wanted her mother to be for her. Anyway, since my mother is affectionate, and my dad grew up not being affectionate, he didnāt hug me or kiss me that much growing up. But as I grew older I witnessed how my dad slowly transitioned from a father that isnāt that showy in terms of affection to a father that i actually hug and kisses me even though Iām already a college student.
There arenāt much patterns that run in my family but because both my parents grew up in an old fashioned patriarchal way, I grew up more or less in that same environment. I was spanked in the ass for being stubborn as a kid like a lot of Asian families do. I started doing chores when i reached highschool because my parents didnt want to have a house helper anymore. I think the punishment method works well in terms of teaching your kids to respect you as their parents, but shouldnāt be too harmful or excessive. An example would be implementing a time out rule whenever your kid does something bad, or a temporary no tv/gadgets policy.
One of the funny childhood stories I have is that when I was a baby, I had a gesture that meant I wanted yakult. I would hold my hand out like a cup and pretend to drink it, and my mom knew that I meant I wanted yakult whenever I do that. This was when I was around 4 years old, when I was starting to gain control of my own behaviors. During the same age I also had a story wherein I wanted coke, and thought I could carry the 1.5 liter coke glass bottle (coke used to be primarily stored in glass bottles). I dropped it on my own foot and until today the scar from the coke bottle is still seen. These experiences or stories show how I learn to use symbols as means of communication, as well as how I learn as time passes through failures or bad memories. In Eriksonās 5 stages:
Stage 1: I was leaning into trust because my parents provided me everything I need. Stage 2: I was leaning into autonomy because I learned how to walk and hold/play with things Stage 3: I was leaning into initiative, because my parents always encouraged me to try to do things on my own, like eating. Stage 4: I was leaning into industry, I tried different sports and hobbies, my parents always supported me and encouraged me to try different things, or to do well in studies. Stage 5: Iām leaning into identity because I follow the values Iāve learned throughout the years. Even if sometimes I feel diffused because of bad grades or experiences, I can always take a step back and remember who I am, what I want to do, and keep on trying to do good.
