roman: oh yeah let’s celebrate kendall’s dick finally falling off from all the coke and now he can apparently only fuck other weird-looking lesbians.

connor: there’s nothing wrong with being a weird-looking lesbian. in fact, some forecasters are saying that after the climate collapse—

shiv: okay but they’re obviously not a lesbian if they’re dating kendall. right? it’s very possible to be non-binary and also attracted to men.

roman: oh fuck off with your little love is love pussy-eating hats whatever the fuck. did you learn that from rupaul?

shiv: rupaul? seriously? is that the one gay person you can think of? rupaul?

roman: i can think of another. your husband.

tom, laughing uncomfortably: sorry to disappoint, roman, but i am in deep unquenchable lust for my wife, who happens to be a beautiful woman.

(after an awkward silence, jokingly) but i do identify as ‘metrosexual,’ right, kendall?

kendall, extremely high: what the fuck are you guys even fucking talking about

You gotta break that chain, baby, break that chain!

Hey, honey, the pressure on the faucet’s moderately intense, so go easy.

rest in the deepest most profound peace 💔