For Lord Bowser!

“We’ve been sleeping for too long! C’mon, get up! Go, go, go!”

@wefourcaptains @championofdarkland

 “Y’ALL ARE RELIEVED OF YOUR DUTIES, BOYS!!! TAKE A HIKE! OR MY NEW BOOLOSSI MINIONS ‘BOUT TO ESCORT YA CHUMPS OUTTA HERE!”

 “BLEAH KEH KEH KEH KEEEEHH HEH!!!”

Luckily, or perhaps unluckily depending on who’s asked, the Nowhere Islands seem to have a penchant for launching all kinds of creatures and travelers into its domain.  Porky always loved to manipulate this for his own purposes, dragging all kinds of people into Nowhere to serve as Pigmasks.  But this time… this time was different.  He’s pretty sure he didn’t order for these creatures to be pulled from any timeline, nor did anyone else do so either.  Looks like someone made a mistake along the way when trying for someone else.

However, Porky isn’t exactly complaining about these unexpected guests popping up.  They managed to capture the beasts and cage them for Porky’s review, and after hearing what they had, he was very interested in seeing them.  As fast as he can, he makes his way down to the Chimera Labs where the four are being held.  He’s beyond happy to grant these four an audience with him just to curb his own curiosity.

Eventually, the bed mecha crawls through the door and extends itself back out to its full form in the room.  It lowers itself so Porky can get a closer look at these short beings… they look like something from a game!  Yes, he’s sure he recognizes these creatures, though he has no idea who they are on an individual level.

There’s this childlike look of delight on Porky’s face as he speaks.  “Well, aren’t you all such fantastic little prizes for me…” he comments. “Where did you all come from, now…?”

When the moving...bed (?) made it’s way into the room, three of the captains were filled with dread. Shy Guy’s irritation intensified, casting a glare at the occupant inside of it. 

“None of your business where we came from,” the masked captain growled.

“Huh,” Goomba was confused, “How could you not know of Lord Bowser’s kingdom?!”

The captain assumed that Lord Bowser was a world-renowned king. The fact that nobody here seemed to know where they came from was a shock to him. Shy Guy shot the other captain a look that made Goomba slightly shrink back.

Whoops...

“Be careful with the one in red,” a soldier leaned in to speak to Porky, “He likes to pelt people with turnips...”

The chatter among the captain and a group of Spear Guys stopped. Ten faces turned to face the Boo. There was an uncomfortable silence before Shy Guy began to hit the blunt end of his spear on the ground in a rhythm. 

“Shish-ka-bob. Shish-ka-bob.”

“Shish-ka-bob! Shish-ka-bob,” the others began to join in. The thumping on the ground intensified as the group continued to stare King Boo down. At once, they all pointed their spears at the unfortunate target, and began to chuck them.

“OO-RAH!”

“This is a dictatorship! And I rule with an iron DICK!”

“I’m just gonna break the fourth wall for a sec. We’ve been on break too long and need some new faces to talk to. So go ahead and,” Shy Guy looked at the paper in his hands, “Click that heart or ‘reblog,’ whatever that is, and the boss will arrange some meetings.”

No matter how hard he threw himself at the bars of the cage, not even Goomba’s rock-hard head could break them. 

“Let us out,” he yelled, before he slammed into the bars with his head again, “HEY! Are you even listening?!”

“They’re not gonna budge, Cap,” Shy Guy hissed, “We’re trapped. Who are these walking porkers anyway?”

“Hey, I resent that remark,” a Pigmask soldier pointed his gun at the snarky captain,” You’d better put a sock in it when the king comes around.”

“Make me,” Shy Guy spat.

“T-This is bad,” Koopa Troopa trembled, “Maybe we should start begging, guys...”

“What?! A captain NEVER backs down,” Goomba stomped his foot down, “Lord Bowser never surrenders and we won’t either!”

“Cap, we have to be smart here,” Boo talked softly, “We could get killed...”

Bowser tried not to snort seeing Shy guy get slapped–

“YEAH BOO LOOK UP THE WORD FUN–”

Wait– this wasn’t about Boo–

“FERAL ONLY ON BREAKS!!!” he huffs stomping his foot.

“Fiiine,” Shy Guy slumped a bit, “Jeez...”

He went back into the bush to change his mask again. Internally, he had no regrets and it was honestly hilarious to see the king stomp his foot like that.

“H–HEY!!! I SAID YOU CAN ONLY GO FERAL ON YOUR BREAKS–!!!”

Shy he needs you don’t live in the jungle–

A smack to the back of the head sent Shy Guy almost tumbling forward. Boo loudly huffed and glared at the other captain.

“Lord Bowser, I’m sorry you have to deal with this feral gremlin right now,” he shook his head.

“i’LL FIRE YOU——-”

Was he bluffing?

Yes.

Was he embarrassed?

Very–

“Okay, I’ll just go live in the jungle then,” Shy Guy quickly disappeared into a bush and popped back out in his Spear Guy get-up.

“Cap, remember when I said that we scraped the bottom of the captain barrel with you, that one time?”

“Uh, yeah, why...?”

Boo looked up, hearing the marching in the distance.

“Is he...? Oh my looooord,” the ghost rubbed the sides of his head in frustration. 

“Shy Guy, what are you doing,” Boo growled after he flew over to the group, “What is this?! What did you do to your mask?!”

“I’m living,” Shy Guy simply answered.

“...Are you taking a jab at me,” Boo narrowed his eyes.