sam

Dear me, how are you today?

Dear me, have you been eating?

Because I can see the ribs peeking out of your skin

        after weeks of not eating

Dear me, have you washed yourself today?

Have you taken the grease off it and

        conditioned it to your usual taste?

When was the last time you actually smiled?

When was the last time you threw your head

        back in laughter because of something

        amusing?

When was the last time you enjoyed your

        mint chocolate chip ice cream without

        thinking twice for seconds?

When was the last time you enjoyed watching

        your favorite sitcom without getting

        tired of it?

When was the last time you were happy?

Everyday you cancel out on plans because

        you feel tired of dragging yourself.

Everything hurts and everything

        feels wrong in everything you see.

Everyday always feels like an uphill climb

        and it feels like I’m not me.

It feels like I am not myself and it feels

        like I do not know if I’m doing things

        right or not.

Am I myself if I see things through

a television screen

        and feel as if everything is a dream

        as if everything isn’t real?

Am I myself if everyday, I wake up with a

        heavy head, and throughout the

        day, everything is just a blur of nothing?

Everyday feels like a chore I’m forced to do

        when all you want to do is just disappear

        from the world.        

It isn’t a joke to romanticize this feeling of

        helplessness and hopelessness.

It isn’t a joke to take light of things like these.

It isn’t a joke to take depression

        as if it was something to joke about;

        as if it was something as simple as

        hugging a person to make them feel

        better when it is not.

Dear me, will you ever be okay?

Dear me, just hold on.

Dear me, you’ll get through this.