Worst Case Scenario: Zombies

I'm having a bad day today.

I have an awesome job, make decent money and wear pajamas to work almost every day.

But I'm 30K in debt and about to overdraft on my checking account.

And she hasn't moved out and probably won't by the end of the month, which means the friend who was supposed to become my roommate probably won't.

Another fight yesterday. She's been under the impression we're going great; I don't see it that way and still want her to leave. She keeps using the kid as a weapon (we'll just move and you'll never see him again. I'm just going to call her bluff, she won't last long).

It happened around noon and then we text-argued most of the day. When I finally got home from the gym she was pissed. At one point she threatened to call the cops and say that I molest the kid. He's a three year old boy and I don't think I have to clarify that never happened. She also threatened to burn down my house ("I hope this place has fire insurance").

Also, she's off the wagon again. So that's just great. She left around 9pm last night and hasn't been back. No word from her. It'd be nice if she called to make sure the kid is ok (which he is). I swear, I'd rather deal with something a little lower on the Maslow's hierarchy of needs, like say Safety (security of: body, employment resources, morality, health, property) or Physiological (breathing, food, excretion).

It's been a while since I've posted. My godson was in town for a couple of days so she stayed at a hotel (she thought it would be awkward being here at the same time as my 12 year old nephew, I guess because of our situation).

Anyway; she has applied for several jobs and the first two that offered her interviews BOTH offered her the job. They are both in the service industry so she took both, which is cool. We made plans to celebrate.

I am taking a statistics class, which is hard. The chick I introduce in my post "Trust" (I'll call her "C" (a blog I used to read "Ken Is a Verb" refers to people like that)) and I text each other about zombie movies occasionally. Once upon a time, I had a very good female friend "K"; I miss having a female friend to talk to and hang out with. I keep hoping "C" could become a friend like that. Anyway, "C" offered to help me with statistics since she's taken it before. I told my ex-girlfriend/roommate/baby-momma? (From now on I'll call her "T") and she freaked.

"T" facebooked "C" and told her essentially to back off. Previously "C" has told me she has a boyfriend and is only interested in being friends and isn't interested in creating drama between me and "T". So when she got this message from "T" she apparently handled it quite classily and said she would stop talking to me if necessary. She texted me this as well as replied to "T" via facebook.

What happened next surprised me. "T" apologized for assuming the worst of "C" and said she wouldn't mind us still talking. Now "C" and I have only hung out once (see the post "Trust" (I wish i could directly link to it from here)). I doubt we hang out any time soon, unless maybe we actually do work on some statistics together. But I was kind of impressed by "T" because she has a habit of flying off the emotional handle sometimes and rarely redacts what she said or did, let alone openly admits that she was rash or wrong.

I found this song the other day. I've been listening to it a lot.

Lyrics

So this dude, B. He's her boss.

Technically he's not her boss, he's the person on top of her in the pyramid scheme thing that cost me over 7 grand to get her started in (I know, I'm an idiot).

She mentioned months ago that there might be something there. Whatever, I'm fine with that. Apparently he makes a TON more money than I do, which is cool. Anyway, she's talked about moving in with him, and talked about them getting a new place together and she even mentioned that if he proposed to her, she would say yes. Keep in mind, she was still living in my basement when she said this to me.

Sidebar: I think I know what it is, though. I mean, one it was the alcohol and weed. She had a connection with him while drinking/smoking (and who am I to judge, I do both of those things) and since then she said she doesn't really feel that connection.

Back in college, a friend of mine (I'll call him 'D') had a girlfriend. Eventually they broke up and one of D's friends (we'll call him K) started dating D's ex. I am pretty sure D wasn't cool with that, even though he had already graduated (I think) and moved to another city. Every once in a while D would come back to town and hook up with his ex just to show K who was in charge.

Saturday I mentioned the sexual tension in the house. Monday I did something about it. It was around midnight and before I went to bed I popped down to the basement and was kind of like "hey what's up" and then she let me jump in her bed. What followed was some of the best sex I've had in a while. (Now, let me clarify, when I say it was the best sex what I mean is I was happy with my performance. I was able to go for quite a while at a vigorous rate. I guess you could call it aggressive or rough; whatever. She was pretty much the same as normal. Be on bottom most of the time, when she was on top it was mostly just riding me via scooting her ass back and forth, no "froggie style" like you see in porn. There was a little reverse-cowgirl which I appreciated. No oral. She doesn't really do oral (which really sucks, if you'll excuse the pun). If I had to classify her skills in bed, I'd say selfish or lazy. I'm not saying I'm amazing in the sack, but I've always had a policy of going downtown whenever. (I just want to be invited back, really)).

I kind of wonder if I am having sex with her just to show the new guy who's in charge D-Style. I'm not sure I care either way, to be perfectly honest. At this point, I think I deserve some sex. BTW, Have I even mentioned the other guy in here? I guess I should work on a post dedicated to that shit.

Here's my problem (again, apparently). She's trying to get her shit together (still no job, she got one at a bar but quit because she thought it would be too easy to drink there (there was pressure almost immediately to drink after work)). But I don't think that even when she gets her shit together I am going to be immediately ready. I mean I want her to know how hard it is to do this shit alone. Run a house, raise the kid, go to work, pick him up from daycare, not have a life. Once she can do that and honestly relate to what I've been putting up with for the past year or more, then maybemaybeI'll consider getting back together.

Besides, I want to meet someone new who a) hopefully has some shared interests (you know, like zombies), and b) doesn't consider oral sex a chore.

There is an uneasy amount of sexual tension in the house right now.

Before she left for work today she was flirty and looked really good. I told her to leave before I had sex with her. After she left she said it took all her will power not to get it on.

I don't think it'll be possible to separate emotions from sex; so I know that sex is a bad idea.

But dammit I want some.

When I started this blog, I was really hoping to update regularly. I don't exactly know why, I don't know how many (if any) people are reading it (or care) and I am not sure if anything separates this blog from any other blog about people with relationship woes.

Sunday or so she told me that she has been drinking. (Backstory: before we met I was 5 years sober and she was 3 years sober. Sometime about 8 months in we decided to add alcohol back to out lives. Sunday she told me she's been hiding her drinking for over a year. She's been drinking in the morning, afternoon, all the damn time. That explains the mood swings, the lack of punctuality, the lack of money etc).

So now she's ready to get help. I kicked her out last week; but now she's living in my basement so that she has somewhere safe to stay (plus she can see the kid more easily). She's going to AA and we're looking into getting her treatment. Plus she's applying for a new job and I'm hoping she'll be able to get her own place (and afford it) within a month or two.

My family and friends don't agree with me helping her out like this: my best friend thinks I should be done with her entirely because she's not my "responsibility". While it's true that she is not, I couldn't live with myself if I didn't do everything in my power to help. My family is afraid I'll fuck up my financial situation even more: that's a good point.

(Here's my problem with my family: They're very Catholic, and all about going to church and staying off drugs and stuff like that. But when it comes down to actually helping people out, they're all talk. Sure they'll volunteer at a nursing home or help an old lady fix her water heater, but when a single mom needs help getting sober and her son needs a place to stay and a father figure, they're like "Well, be careful, you don't want to get trapped". Yeah, I'm sure that was Jesus' main concern, financial troubles...

I'm in a bit of a pickle too though; because She is already "seeing" her boss. So my newly-recovering-alcoholic ex girlfriend and her son are staying with me while she's beginning a relationship (that kind of overlaps with OUR relationship) with her boss (who also drinks and smokes pot). I don't know how I get myself in these situations...

Could be worse though; I could be dealing with zombies too...

Here's something to ponder: if zombies showed up right now (I mean like a Max Brooks: Class 3 outbreak (look it up, page 25 Zombie Survival Guide)) how would I protect her and the kid? Should I protect her and the kid? Or should I focus on myself and my survival?

Friday she said I had been acting awkward. And I had. I knew that the friendliness and affection would mess with my/her/our emotions and I didn't want that to happen. So I told her in no uncertain terms that I did not want to get back together. It was not the nicest thing to say, I know that.

She replied with an hour of saying things designed to hurt me. She insulted almost everything about me; my looks, my job, my finances, my talents, the history of cancer in my family. I knew what she was doing, and I just continued doing my thing.

The bright side to the whole thing is when she moves out I can get a roommate which will help with finances and stuff. That will be nice.

I barely heard from her yesterday and today she is taking the kid to the zoo. I told her I had boxed up a bunch of her stuff so she wouldn't be surprised when she gets here. She asked if the kid would be OK to stay with me until she gets a place. I said he was.