cathartic

Maia stopped shaking the can immediately, a blush forming on her face in embarrassment. “I’m not a mad man nor do my actions show that I am one,” she said defensively. Clearly she was out of place for something like that. Bad things were something Maia could never do on purpose and she was sure she’d make a fool out of herself. The brunette hopped off her car and landed on her feet gently while looking around at the road. “You thought wrong.” Maia winked over in his direction before she sprayed some of the road, watching the blue spray paint place its mark. “Woah!” She exclaimed, jumping back and grinning like a fool. She usually wouldn’t have done something like that. Maia respected rules and she was slightly afraid of the cops, she didn’t want them catching her, let alone the headmistress. The headmistress never had a problem with Maia, in fact they’d had quite a few conversations with each other, but it didn’t mean Maia was her friend - in fact Maia was terrified of her and the power she had.

But as she continued to spray paint the road, not really caring it she was making a pattern with her movements or if it was just a big blob of color, she was starting to see the appeal to it. Maia was by no means an artist, as you could see from the mess she was making already, yet she could feel the shackles that bound her wrist loosening. “Am I doing it right?” She asked, looking up from the strands of hair that had fallen out of her messy ponytail. “Wait a minute, I don’t really care if I’m doing it right or not. This is fun!” Maia exclaimed, laughing out loud while continuing to vandalize the floor. She’d been looking for some fun and surprisingly this had been the fun she needed. She felt lighter, she felt like she could move more but more than anything she felt free. Here she was doing something bad instead of good. But she wasn’t worrying about what other people were thinking or what they would do or how disappointed they’d be - no, she was having some real fun and laughing.

“You’re a mad man. Or woman. I don’t know, but you are. Remember those times I come home at 3 AM drunk, and you’re still up cleaning the kitchen sink? Yeah I was drunk but I remember moments like that. Like receipts.” He said, a bit distracted as he typed on his phone. After finally sending the text to Brianna, he put his phone back to his pocket and turned to Maia. He was going to argue more when she hopped off the hood of her car and crouched down on the asphalt. Then she just started spraying. They haven’t even decided on what to write or draw but she’s already started. It was too late to stop her. She was already grinning. Wow, is she having fun? And it was such a surprise for Tommy because, since her breakup with his cousin, he hasn’t seen her smile. Much more grin like this.

Tommy shook his head and looked down, hiding his own grin. He waited till he could hide his grin again before standing in-front of her. Like a teacher watching his student hold a paint brush for the first time. “You’re not doing it right, you’re doing the strokes too fast! You have to make the lines thick. Slowly! Let the paint take space.” She clearly wasn’t listening to him. She was just doing her own thing. And this was the point when Tommy couldn’t hold back his laugh anymore. He shook his red spraypaint and started to write THIS WAY TO NEVERLAND across his side of the road. “Try drawing a cartoon version of myself on your lane. Make sure it doesn’t look like me! Wait, you can’t draw. People won’t recognize it’s me. Alright, do it. Give me bigger muscles.”

“The kitchen sink was dirty and it had to be cleaned. I also couldn’t sleep so cleaning was a good thing,” she said, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. “And you were so loud when you came back early in the morning.” Maia didn’t want to admit it but they had shared good memories back in the house and it would always be something she’d remember. Sometimes Maia thought she had done something wrong by moving out, Tommy had been mad at her when she’d done that, but then she thought about what would have continued to happen and all the pain she would have faced if she stayed. She’d made the right decision by leaving and she knew there was no point in regretting it. Maia briefly look up at him and rolled her eyes. “I may not be doing this right but I’m doing it the Maia way and my way is much better than most of the others. Plus, I’m adding my own spin to it.”

Maia couldn’t help but laugh even more as he began to laugh, they did say that laughter was contagious after all. And there was something about Tommy laughing which made her want to laugh even more especially since he’d been angry with her previously. She looked over at him again with a raised eyebrow, watching how he was using the spray paint and she tried to copy him. Clearly she wasn’t doing a good job at it. “Excuse me, I’m great at drawing,” she lied and looked down at her terrible piece of artwork, “okay maybe not. But drawing you should be easy.” Letting her hair spill out around her shoulders, she rested her knees against the road and tried her best to draw a terrible version of Tommy. Well she wasn’t really trying, her attempts at drawing him were terrible. “It would be easier spray painting you because this is terrible.”

“I’m always loud when I make my entrance. No matter whose house it is. No matter how quiet the place is. If I have to knock over a coat stand to make a scene, I would. That, for a drunk man, is normal. You cleaning in the middle of the night, is not.” He argued. Remembering how angry he’d been when she moved out. He had no one to fight with back in the house. He, Bry, Warren, and Evan got along so well they’re like brothers who could make a greek life out of the mess they have in the living room. He was mad at her, and it was for a million reasons. She broke his cousin’s heart; instead of patching up the awkward atmosphere after the break up, she chose to escape it; she chose to move on by moving out; she chose to move on by sleeping with one of her closest friends. Tommy’s always had a weird feeling about Aaron. He knew he didn’t trust the guy for some reason. He’s still mad at Maia —he knows how to hold his grudges. But sometimes, those ones you think deserve love the least, are those who need it most. So he decided he’ll be nicer to her tonight. People get tired emotionally; he didn’t want to make it harder for her by rubbing salt to her wound.

“Adding your own spin to it my ass. Your ‘own spin’ doesn’t even make sense! Oh shit, look at your work!” He held out both his hands in a ‘lo and behold’ manner. “It’s trash! It’s shit! It’s crap and it’s an embarrassment!” He then threw his head back as he let out another loud laugh. Which was going to get them in trouble sooner or later —no one’s supposed to know they’re here. No one’s supposed to know they’re committing a crime by defacing public property. He stopped laughing when he caught her making a terrible drawing of him. He knew it wasn’t supposed to resemble him but that is too ugly. He didn’t finish his work before walking to her lane and crouching down in-front of her. He slapped her hand aside and started spraying a beard on the figure’s face. “It has to have my attractive facial hair.”

“You’re an idiot when you’re drunk,” Maia stated. She was very much an idiot when she was drunk but Tommy was annoying when he was drunk. He was annoying all of the time and she found it really hard to keep calm around him. Maybe she was too drained from everything that had happened over the past few weeks and maybe it was because of that she wasn’t exactly being horrible to him. Well then again she wasn’t being so kind to him either. She’d hurt him too without meaning to hurt him and she had hurt several other people. But for some reason the idea of hurting Tommy had upset her and she didn’t want to admit that to him because he would never let her hear the end of it. She also found it weird why he was being decent to her tonight. Maybe he’d been drinking before he came here.

Maia found herself gasping as he insulted her work. “You’re hurting my feelings! Stop it. My work is amazing and no one would even guess that I did it unlike your work!” She slapped his hand back as he decided to work on her terrible cartoon of him. “Now you’re ruining it! Stop ruining my work!” Despite the yelling she couldn’t help but laugh and momentarily forget that no one was supposed to know they were out here tonight. She would be a terrible criminal, this was why she wasn’t made to do bad things. Holding up her can of spray paint, she sprayed his shirt slightly. “Back off Tommy. This is my work and you’re ruining it. Plus, your own facial hair is terrible,” she added and ran her fingers along his jaw. “Terrible.”

“Everyone’s an idiot when they’re drunk. You’re not Little Miss Genius when you’re drunk.” He doesn’t exactly know where this argument of his comes from. He hasn’t drunk with her. Sure he caught her coming home drunk one time, but he never actually seen her take shots. She looked like the lightheaded type. The kind of girl who gets drunk after one bottle of beer, after two shots of tequila, or after one glass of margarita. Why is he thinking about liquor now? He just got drunk the other day, before going to the hospital to visit Kit and Ella. Is he thinking about getting drunk again? Have fun later, focus on work now.

Wait, this isn’t work. This is a challenge, a dare. And he’s having fun doing it. Especially now that he gets to insult Maia’s work for once. For once, he’s better than her at something. “What’s amazing with that? I look like I could be in the cover of that Diary of a Wimpy Kid series. Go check my work.” he pointed over his shoulder. “It’s unfinished but my penmanship is better on paint than pen.” He glared at her when she slapped his hand back. Like a kid, he slapped her hand again. He jumped back when she sprayed on his shirt, which resulted to him losing his balance from his squat and landing on his butt. “Fuck.” He looked down at his beautiful plain black shirt, now forever ruined. He frowned and lunged at her to spray a lot on her top. Feeling competitive. A bit annoyed yeah, but it’s a guilty pleasure to fight a girl like this when he’s a gentleman to them 9 days out of 10. “My scruff is perfect!”

“I agree with you there,” she said quietly. Maia had walked into their house quite a few times after a night out at Envy or having a few drinks with her friends but there had only been one time where she’d been caught by Tommy. It was still an embarrassing memory and she recalled bumping into everything at least twice. Her coordination was definitely terrible when she was drunk and she did sprout out random useless facts no one seemed to care about when she was drunk. But now was not the time to be thinking about drinking. Maia didn’t even like alcohol anyway so she would try to keep herself away from it. However, if they were successful tonight and didn’t manage to get caught they she just might have to have a few drinks to celebrate their success.

“Then at least you’ll be famous and millions of children can see your stupid face somewhere,” she argued and stuck her tongue out at him. It shouldn’t be right for Maia to be having as much fun as she was right now. The brunette looked to where he was pointing and squinted, trying to make out the words he’d written. Even with the help of her car’s headlights her eyesight still wasn’t perfect. “Stop slapping me!” Maia exclaimed and hit him back, this time harder than he had. She would win no matter what, Maia could be extremely competitive. Her frown instantly turned into a loud laugh and she leaned back, resting on her elbows as she watched him in amusement. “Tommy!” Maia squeaked, looking down on her shirt before she started to spray him some more. “Your scruff is stupid, just like you. You’re stupid and an idiot.” She moved her hand to spray paint the world idiot on his shirt. “See?”

Tommy sensed a foreign tone in her reply and this made him look at her, study her facial expressions. Find out what she meant by it. Well, asking might be a better way to find out. “Why? Have you done anything stupid while you were drunk? I mean aside from that one time you thought it was okay to bump into every single furniture back in the house. You got bruises on your legs then.” He paused before letting his next question slip, even though it’s probably only going to cause them more tension. “Were you drunk when you slept with Aaron?”

He wasn’t the boyfriend, but he’s the cousin of the ex-boyfriend. It’s his cousin she hurt, his only relative by blood that’s treated him well. Of course, he’s hurt too. Bryson wasn’t the type that lets his temper get the better of him, so Tommy was. Bryson was forgiving, Tommy, not so. “I will only stop when you let me fix this shitty drawing!” He had let her slap his hand last, and he’d responded by giving her another death glare. Matching her frown. He didn’t quite catch up with her range of emotions and was still glaring when she started laughing. He didn’t try to get up and just sat there on the road, watching her laugh at him. “My scruff isn’t stupid.” He pouted a little, but let her spray on his shirt. Just this one time. She was like a kid, so stubborn. She gets drunk with the idea of fun that he couldn’t say no to her laugh. “You’re going to owe me three brand new black shirts. I can’t wear a shirt to school that said idiot across it.” He then surprised her by grabbing her wrist and pulled her closer to him so he can spray her too. Spelling nothing in particular. As long as a stroke is left on her top. He then jumped and stood up, and ran towards the sign that said Welcome to Charlton. “Stop! Stop!” He yelled, laughing. “We won’t have enough spraypaint for this sign and the rest of the road!”

“I don’t swoon,” she responded quietly, remembering how she often used to joke about that with Bryson. It was moments like that when he spoke that she remembered who Tommy truly was and she had to bite back her feelings - her very confused feelings. He reminded her too much of what she believed Dash to be and he also reminded her too much of Bryson, it hurt to be around Tommy yet she couldn’t seem to let him go. She liked having him around and she liked their arguments. “Fine. Bleed out in my room them. And your face is looking uglier than usual,” Maia added as she tried to clean the blood off of his face. Placing her fingers under his chin gently, she tipped his head up and continued to clean his wounds, not sorry if it was hurting him. He should have thought twice about getting into a fight. Maia hadn’t realized she was working closely but she kept her mouth shut, working as hard as she could to make his face slightly more bearable. “Why did you get into a sight?”

“Fine,” he said sharply, slowly regretting coming to her. Of course they were only going to argue. And right now, his cheeks hurt. His head spun, from the blows from last night plus the hangover. His ribs ached and he could feel them to be badly bruised he didn’t want to lift his shirt to even look at them. “I’m not ugly. I’m the most attractive man you’ll ever meet. Except for Bry maybe, because when you’re in-love with someone, they’re automatically the most beautiful person who’s ever walked this earth.” He said defensively. Although it was obvious in his tone that he was tired. He kept quiet except for the hisses and groans he let out when Maia roughly cleaned up his wounds. He tried his best not to mind that she was probably a bit too close to his face. He really did. But he couldn’t help but feel awkward about it. “Because they were being an ass,” he answered. “They called me ugly. No, uhm, I don’t remember really. I was really drunk. Please, just don’t. You’re probably judging me right now, like I did when you slept with Aaron. I get it. I do bad things too.”

When he began hissing as she cleaned his wounds, she moved back and patched him off softer. “Is that how you feel with Bri then?” Maia asked, inspecting her work to see if she was making any progress with his face. “Why are you here and not with Bri? Or why aren’t you with Bryson?” Maia didn’t like awkward silences, especially with Tommy so she was trying to fill the silence with her questions that she could never hold back. “I know you were drunk, you text me and I could tell that you were drunk.” She let out a sigh and shook her head, was he ever going to stop bringing up the mistake she made? “No, I’m not judging you, Tommy. I’m worried,” Maia admitted. “When you showed up at my door I was worried once I saw your face. I’m not judging you because I’m not you.”

He felt her touch going softer, and he smiled a little as a thank you. Although he sort of hoped she didn’t see the smile. He was still a bit too proud and hurt and tired to lose to her —he can’t have her thinking he’s gone soft just because she’s taking care of his wounds. “Bri’s the most beautiful girl I’ve ever beheld. Maybe this is because of my feelings for her, but there’s nothing shameful about it.” Tommy zoned out the moment she asked her question. He zoned out, and his eyes lingered on the hem of Maia’s shirt. He answered without snapping out of his absent-minded stare. “Because I don’t want Brianna and Bryson to think any less of me. I love them and if they see me like this…” he paused, felt his chin tremble and let her do the talking. God, why was he feeling so emotionally vulnerable right now? “Well you better celebrate that you’re not me because I’m a horrible son. A horrible friend. I’m also a horrible enemy to you. I’m a horrible everything.” He said almost breathlessly before leaning towards her and placing his forehead on her shoulder.

Maia noticed the smile but she made no comment on it since she was aware that she might just end up embarrassing him. These two weren’t friends, they fought but they never lost to each other - it was a battle they both couldn’t win but they also both couldn’t afford to lose. “Well Bri is a very lucky girl to have someone love her as much as you do,” she said softly, her fingers brushing against his cheek to make sure the wound under his eye wasn’t too bad. Maia wasn’t a doctor, she wanted to be one at one point but engineering had won for her. However, she knew first aid and she knew what to do to help him. “I won’t let them see you like this. I’ll fix you as best as I can and we can come up with some other excuse if I do a terrible job.” Maia frowned in worry but her expression soon turned into one of surprise when he rested his forehead on her shoulder. She didn’t tense but instead she felt her heart beat start to speed up. Without thinking, she let her fingers brush through his hair, trying to give him some sort of comfort. “You’re not a horrible person Tommy. I’ve never thought you were horrible and I have a good judgement of poeple,” she reassured him, her voice calm and soothing.

He shook his head, “No, I think I’m the lucky one. I’m lucky to love her. She’s amazing and she thinks she doesn’t deserve the love I’m giving her —that’s how down to earth she is. And I’m here worried that one wrong move and I won’t be that ‘man’ she sees me as. It’s scary.. I didn’t know one could feel pressured in a relationship, because you want to give them the best. You wanna give them your all.” His voice was as soft as her fingers through his hair. “You can’t fix my face. You can’t fix something that’s already perfect.” Classic Tommy, always finding a leak for his jokes. He chuckled and felt his shoulders relax when he heard her words. “How could you never think I’m horrible? I’ve been against you when you and Bryson were together. I got mad at you when you broke up and moved out and did… the thing. Why do you even keep me around?” He paused, kept still. “Why do we keep each other around if we hate each other so much?” Then he let out another hiss, his position was hurting his ribs and he had to sit up straight again to get a comfortable posture.

Maia listened silently to Tommy as he spoke about Brianna. “You’re both lucky, you two love each other so much and you deserve the love. But I don’t think you should be worried about making a wrong move or feeling pressured, Bri loves you for who are you are. And she loves you the way that you are. It’s not good to be worried about things like that,” she said quietly. She’d felt the same with Bryson, she’d always been afraid and she hurt him. Now she knew not to do that again. Maia resisted the urge to punch him and reduce his ego but he was already injured and she was supposed to be helping him. “I don’t think you’re horrible because it shows me that you care. You care about Bryson and that’s why you got mad at me. You care.” Maia froze at his words, a battle forming inside of her. She didn’t know why she kept him around. Maia liked him but she didn’t like him in the way that Cris believed she did. Maia didn’t want to believe. “I don’t hate you,” she mumbled, moving away slightly. “Don’t slap me for this, okay? But I need to see how badly they’re hurt.” She reached forward and carefully lifted up his shirt, her eyes focused on the bruising. With her other hand, she brushed her fingers against the skin, the feeling causing electricity to shoot up her arms. “How badly does it hurt?”

“At first I thought it was a good thing. Worrying. I used to never worry, do you know that?” He didn’t pause to hear her answer and went on. “But I thought worrying was good because it meant I care enough to not want to fuck things up. Apparently, overthinking is a side-effect. So let me apologize for coming to you instead of her. You already hate me and think lowly of me… I figured seeing me like this won’t make any difference on how you see me.” Tommy bit his lower lip, let her words repeat in his head. He cares. Inasmuch as he didn’t want to openly admit that ( except maybe to his sister-by-bond, Ella ), there was truth in it. What a fucked up way to justify one’s own anger. But then she said something that snapped him awake. He looked at her, right into her eyes. “What—what do you mean you don’t hate me? You hate me. It’s our foundation. We’re supposed to be hating each other.” There was no sarcasm in his tone. He didn’t sound pissed. He sounded… desperate to remind Maia of the line they weren’t willing to cross: the line towards friendship. And at the same time, he sounded surprised. She doesn’t hate him, he doesn’t hate her. But they never got along. Tommy hesitated before finally letting her see his bruises and wounds underneath his shirt. Her slightest touch sent him a mixture of shivers and pain. Then he realizes, this was the closest they’ve been physically. This was the first time, since last prom, that they touched. “As fuck. I just want to sleep it off.”

Maia opened her mouth to answer before she stopped and let him carry on talking. She wanted to tell him that he was wrong and that she didn’t think lowly of him but that wasn’t the case, Maia didn’t think it was ever going to be the case. She thought everyone cared even if they didn’t want to or pretended not to care - they did. Maia had spent a lot of her time trying to show others that they did care but then she’d had her own heartbroken and she’d acted in the way others often did. She tried to hide her feelings, tried to pretend not to care. Her eyes locked with his and she swallowed the lump in her throat. Maia couldn’t cross this path, she couldn’t allow him to be her friend, she couldn’t allow herself to befriend Tommy and do what friends did. They didn’t get along - that was what made them who they were. Finding herself lost in his eyes, she quickly looked down at the bruises. “I hate you,” she sighed. “Was that what you wanted to hear? Did you want me to lie?” Her fingers continued to brush against the skin and she squinted. “I don’t think anything is broken, you may have one or two bruised ribs.” Her hand rested against his stomach for a few moments. “You have a few cuts but they look like they’re healing, that’s where the blood was coming from.” Maia did her best to clean it, not wanting the wounds to become infected and the situation even worse. Since her incident with Aaron, she had rarely touched anyone. Tommy was the first she was touching, Maia didn’t believe she’d ever touched Bryson like this either. And it was strange, it terrified her.

It was only then when Tommy caught Maia going speechless on him. She was never like this around him; she always had something to say. Damn her greymatter and her moral compass, she always had something to say. But he took that moment as a sign that respect did exist between them. Both of them listened to each other. Both of them connected, at least when it came to the caring part. Tommy wanted to pretend he didn’t care because that wasn’t him; Maia wanted to pretend she didn’t care, because all it’s done is get her hurt. He was still looking at her when she brushed her fingers on his skin. Not aware that this wasn’t supposed to happen —-she didn’t like anything dirty. And he was filthy. “It’s not what I wanted to hear,” he admitted, looking down at his bruises again. “But that’s how it supposed to be. You’re supposed to hate me. My guts, my pride, my rudeness.” He flinched when he felt her hand on his stomach. Surprised by the warmth of it. He nodded when she mentioned that there wasn’t any broken bones. “Thank you.” He said, out of nowhere. But he couldn’t meet her eyes when he said this. “Thank you for not hating me. I don’t really hate you either. I think my ‘hate’ towards you solely came from your connection with Bryson. I’m protective over him. Thank you for letting me into your dorm. I’m sorry you had to see blood so early in the morning, but thank you that you’re patching me up.” 

Maia hated herself for being speechless around him, even if it was for a few seconds. She always had something witty to say or would always snap back and try to shut him up. But right now, she couldn’t find anything to say to him - she hated it. Her gaze snapped back up at him and her dark eyes searched her face for the answer to her question. The first time she’d met Tommy, he’d saved her and then after that he seemed to have popped up everywhere in her life. She couldn’t get rid of him and Maia wasn’t sure that she wanted to get rid of him either. “If I’m supposed to hate you then I’ll do that.” If it made things easier between the two of them then she would continue to argue with him over things, arguing with Tommy was easier than talking to Tommy. At his gratitude, she looked down at her hand resting on her stomach, she should be moving it now but her hand wasn’t listening to her brain. Maia liked the feeling of his skin against hers and it was strange, she didn’t like touching. “You’re welcome. Oh…there’s no connection between the two of us anymore and I’ve realized that. It’s over, finished and we can’t go back. Now you’re going to need to find another reason to hate me to keep up with the act,” she smiled slightly. “Eh, a little blood isn’t too bad.” Her other hand reached up to check the wound on his cheek before she quickly moved herself away from him, her hands turning cold once the contact was broken. “You’re going to need some painkillers to help.” Grabbing a bottle of water and some pills, she hadn’t them to him. “If you need a shower, you can have one. I have some of Bry clothes, your shirt is filthy.”

The only response he could come up with was another nod. And when words started to pile on top of his head, he didn’t hold back. “It’s just so awkward thinking of you as a friend. Like if I could be in two places at once, and the other me is looking at us right now, this would be painful to watch. Because we’re not arguing.” He chuckled, carefully straightening up now that she has moved herself away from him. He watched her go from one cabinet to another place and then to him, to give him what he needed. “What do you mean it’s over? What happened? Did you two talk?” He asked right after he’s downed the painkiller. “Don’t think for one second that I’ll believe you when you say you don’t love him anymore. And I refuse to believe that he doesn’t love you anymore either. It could be over between you, but there’s still connection between us: Bryson.” It was a statement that was more for himself than for her. “I can still keep on hating you till Bryson’s found another girl.” He said softly, making sure it wouldn’t come off as a rude comment. “I will need a shower, yes. And one of Bry’s shirts. And..” he looked up at her. “I’m going to Sarah’s later. Can you, uhm,” What? He couldn’t even request something from her properly? “Like.. make my face look a bit nicer? A little less beaten up?”

At his words Maia couldn’t help but laugh. “Oh trust me if there was another Maia watching us, she’d probably be fainting because it’s a miracle we’re not arguing. But I understand why it’s awkward thinking of me as a friend, I feel the same with you.” She put away the first aid kit while answering his question. “The hospital, we spoke there. And we decided to keep our distance from each other because that’s best for us both. He hurt me and I hurt him, we’ve forgiven each other but I don’t think it’ll happen again. I’ve accepted it.” Maia paused. “I do still love him and maybe he loves me but sometimes love just isn’t enough to keep a relationship going.” Maia walked over to her closet and took out one of Bryson’s shirt, visibly wincing at the idea of him finding another girl. “Continue to hate me until then. Then you and I can both be happy for Bry when he does move on. I can make your face look better but first go and wash up. You smell like alcohol and blood, I don’t like that mix.” Maia handed the shirt over to him, pointed to her bathroom and returned back to her desk to give him some sort of privacy.

He struggled to stand up as he listened to her answers. He would go back in the house to shower, but no one will patch him up back there. A double trip to Maia’s dorm would be weird. Or worse, with how rumours go in the campus, talked about. He dropped their first topic and focused on the next, which was about her and Bryson. Maybe Tommy wanted them to get back together, but after hearing both sides of the story, maybe it is best that they kept their distance. “Love can’t feed you. Love can’t help you survive. Love really isn’t enough.“ He agreed. Having hung out with various kinds of people from his DJ-ing, he’s seen people who are stuck in their relationship even when it’s clearly not working out, or one party is hurting the other, because of love. He took the shirt, nodded obediently and said, “We can both be happy for him.” He smiled. “Ha! I smell like alcohol and blood. I’m a real gangster now. I’m Tyler Fucking Durden.” He grinned before disappearing into the bathroom. Stepped out after 15 minutes, feeling clean and fresh. Although it was hard for him to shower because of all his cuts and bruises. His pants were still filthy, but at least he had a clean shirt on. He fiddled with his bloody shirt and looked right at her. “After I walk out of your door, I am never thanking you again.”

“Right, you’re the biggest gangster there is,” she rolled her eyes and sat down on her desk chair, rummaging through a few of her papers and plans for upcoming projects. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t get rid of the grin he’d just shot her before walking into her bathroom. She’d love to see that grin more often and she hoped it would be directed at her although she did miss that furrow of his eyebrow whenever he tried to think of something to argue back wMaia waited patiently for him to have his shower. She’d never had a boy showering in her room before, it felt strange and it was foreign concept, it also seemed a little too friendly. And she hoped no rumors would end up around campus in regards to him being in her room. “You don’t have to ever thank me again, it’ll be strange if you do.” The brunette stood up and walked over to him, her hand reaching up to touch his face and inspect it. “They’re healing, slowly. You’ve got a lot of bruising. I could cover it with make up but I don’t think you’d want that. You smell nice,” she added, smiling up at him. “Let me cover that cut on your cheek with a bandage, it might end up infected otherwise. Sit down.”

“Thanking you is strange, yes. So relish my thanks, you’ll never hear it again.” He smiled kindly, put his jacket on, and stood still as she touched his face. He had to bend his knees down a little considering their height difference. And his brows raised at her observation. “They’re healing? Already? But I wanted to keep them for a few more days. Just… not today because oh God. Everyone’s going to kill me for this. Bri’s gonna kill me. Bry and Sarah and Kelsey and Jared and Ella and —yeah that’s basically everyone.” He mused, suddenly getting really worried again. “If you think I need make up, then I’m fine with it. I’m actually kinda curious how foundation feels like on the skin. And all those eyebrows shit you do. And of course I smell nice. Stop smelling me.” He teased before sitting down and letting her cover a part of his cheek with a bandage. “What are you going to do after this?”

“I’m keeping your thank you close to my heart so I can remember you said it once.” Maia rolled her eyes playfully at him. “Cuts heal quite quickly, I don’t think they’ll scar but I’m not a doctor so don’t take my word for it.” Chewing on her bottom lip, Maia looked up at him. “You shouldn’t have gotten into a fight in the first place if you were worried but what’s done is done. We can’t change that, I’ll just make sure we make it not look as terrible as it is.” Maia held up her hands in surrender before bringing some clean bandages and her make up. “I can’t stop smelling you because it’s overwhelming,” she admitted, while making sure his cheek was covered correctly with the bandage. “Are the painkillers working? I don’t have to end up putting foundation on the bruises on your ribs do I? I’d advise you not be naked around anyone for a while,” she winked before adding some foundation to the smaller cuts, keeping her touch soft so she didn’t hurt him. “Study probably. There’s not much else that I do these days. I’m trying to stay away from large crowds and people.”

“Well, sometimes the most beautiful faces need scars.” Now that she was rolling her eyes again, he took it as a signal that they were allowed to be their usual selves. He may be a bit ashamed of himself for breaking down his walls and showing her his vulnerable state, but at least that’s over now. He’s gotten it off his chest to someone who didn’t see him as a priority. “It’s not my fault I looked cocky last night —yeah okay I remember what happened now— how could anyone get offended with my gait? Really now? In his defense though, the one I exchanged punches with, I did go a little arrogant.” He wrinkled his nose, then realized he just got distracted with his own story. “Anyway, yeah the painkillers are working. I think. Or maybe it’s a psychological effect. Now that I’m all clean and about to sport a cheek bandage, I think my ribs are a little less painful now. I can’t promise you that I won’t be naked soon though.” He teased before wincing a little as she covered his cuts. “Why? Not feeling social lately?”

It was easy to fall back into the rhythm of teasing him, their arguments were so natural that them not fighting was a strange thing. If they didn’t fight for long then Maia guessed they both must be getting sick or the world was about to end. Maia didn’t forget how he had shared his vulnerable side to her and she was actually happy he had trusted her enough to tell her. Or maybe he thought she didn’t care about him to even worry. That wasn’t the case and she was scared she was going to end up worrying about him too much in the future. Raising an eyebrow as she heard his story about how the fight occured, she scoffed. “That was what you got beaten up for? I hope he is also suffering similar wounds as you. Violence is never the answer.” She moved back a little to inspect her work before leaning closer to add the finishing touches. “Well then Bri better be prepared to see your bruised ribs if you can’t promised to stay clothed. I can’t perform miracles and remove those bruises even if I would like to. I’d also advise you to take it easy but I don’t think you’ll listen to me.” Maia realized she was close to him again but she was too busy trying to make him look presentable to care or do anything about it. “I seem to be hurting everyone I meet, it’s best if I keep to myself,” she mumbled in response, not noticing if he heard or not. “You sure you’re feeling better? You’re not going to pass out in my room or down the hall, are you?”

“Yeah, I think that’s it? I can’t help it that I strut.” He scoffed when he caught her raising an eyebrow at him. “Go ahead, say it’s shallow and ridiculous. It’s not ridiculous to a boy. I’m aware it’s men’s weakness. We can’t take it when someone’s more arrogant-looking than us. Violence is never the answer, I agree. But it’s different when I’m drunk. Violence is the answer when I’m drunk.” He was babbling again. “I won’t listen to you, but I know I should take it easy. The pain alone reminds me that.” Their closeness kept him alert, conscious of how pretty and angelic she was up close. He wished she’d stop talking because everytime she did, he ended up looking at her lips. Thank god he wasn’t drunk anymore, or he would’ve done something he knew he’d regret. “You do hurt people,” he muttered back softly. “But that doesn’t mean you deserve to live out your college days alone.” He chuckled and shook his head. “I promise I’m won’t pass out in here or down the hall. I won’t pass out on the streets either. I still have a lot to worry about. I’m waiting for the school’s notice, because I doubt they won’t know about my new record.” He took one moment to stare at her, looking into her eyes, till he remembered he had to be somewhere too. “I… uhm, I think I should be going. I have bothered you too long. But, uhm, thank you. For the last time.”

“There’s no point in me commenting on that if I know you already think it’s true. You are the most arrogant person I have ever met,” she joked, smiling a little in response. Tommy was confident when it came to his looks, she just liked to make fun out of him whenever she could. “Please don’t show up my door bruised and bloody again, I can’t stop you from drinking or getting into fights but you can at least try not to. That’s the thing about pain, it reminds you of what you’ve done.” Maia froze a little, her eyes landing on his lips for a few seconds before she turned her gaze away from him. “I like being alone. Things are easier,” she said quietly before moving away from him. “Aren’t you a bad boy then? I hope the punishment isn’t too severe, you’ve already spent a night in jail. However, thank you for promising that.” The brunette’s eyes locked onto his and she felt the butterflies fluttering around in her stomach and she had to stop herself from moving closer again. “Oh. Yeah, that’s right.” She stood up from her bed and walked over to the door, opening it. “Please don’t thank me, ever again. I’ll also get your shirt cleaned up and then return it to you. I hope I can get blood out of it.” Maia offered him a friendly smile before closing the door after him as he left.

She knew that she had probably freaked him the fuck out with her phone call, but she couldn’t really worry about that right now because she was, in fact, freaking the fuck out. She was pregnant for fuck’s sake - she’s a twenty years old and completely up the spout. And she was maybe sort of finally getting somewhere with the guy she’d been in love with for years, but none of that really mattered now, did it? For all intents and purposes, her life was ruined. 

She had worked herself up into such a tizzy that by the time Gabe knocked on the door, she was somewhere between hyperventilating and crying - maybe both. And while he may have been the one to get her into this mess, he was still her friend first and foremost, so the second she opened the door, she flung her arms around him.  “Gabe! Thank god! Thank you for coming,” her words came out as a jumble, her face pressed against his chest. Considering the last time they had seen each other she had been essentially crushing whatever hopes he had of something more between them, it probably wasn’t the best greeting, but again, she couldn’t care. She was basically about to crush his entire future, so what was his heart along with it? 

But how to break it to him? Pulling back, she looked him in the eyes - how was she supposed to tell him? Best to just rip it off like a bandaid. “I’m - I’m pregnant. I’m sorry.” 

The hug was the last thing he expected from her as a greeting. She practically dove into his arms. To Gabriel it could only mean two things: she’s done something extremely bad like maybe murder; or she’s taking back everything she told him, that she’s actually ready to take a chance with him. Well, it’s not too late, he thought. He can take it, he’s still up for it, right? But what about Aaron? Weren’t they seeing each other? Didn’t it work out?

But against his chest, Lila was crying. Shaking. She was freaking out, so this wasn’t probably about them getting another chance. Maybe Aaron did something to her, hurt her. Rejected her. Oh who was Gabriel kidding? He knew Aaron; he wouldn’t do that to her. When she pulled away, looked into his eyes and broke the news to him, the first thing that came out of his mouth was, “With whose baby?”

She wouldn’t ask him to come over, cry against his chest if this was all just a stupid prank. Lila was his partner-in-crime. She wouldn’t pull such a stupid prank on him. Closing the door behind him to shut the rest of the world out, he tried to hold onto his sanity. Tried to distract himself from the night they did it. Where they took each other, entangled in sheets. “Why are you apologizing? Pull your shit together, Lila I am so confused right now.”

It had to be karma. That was the only explanation for why fate could have fucked her up so bad. It would explain everything, come to think of it - her father, Aaron, Gabe. She was a terrible person in a past life and now she was paying for it. It was easier just to chalk it all up to a cosmic joke, than to deal with the fact that she had made the biggest mistake of her life. But let’s face it - her life was basically over. Aaron probably wouldn’t even look at her after this and she wouldn’t blame Gabe for wanting nothing to do with her after the way she had basically used him. Her father would probably disown her for good this time, and her mother wouldn’t be able to look at her without crying. She was alone, even with Gabe in the room, because this was something that he couldn’t forgive her for. 

“I’m apologizing for everything,” she responded pitifully. “For being a shitty, goddamn person. For using you. Lord knows I’m paying for it now, but I just really wish I didn’t have to pull you down with me. You don’t deserve this - after everything. I’m just - I’m really fucking sorry.” Were she in her right mind, she would have realized that she had never truly answered his question, but with her whole world falling apart around her, she couldn’t help but assume that everyone already knew the cause. And why wouldn’t they? She was such a raging fuck-up that surely everyone must know. 

I’m apologizing for everything. Didn’t have to pull you down with me. After everything. His head was spinning from her apologies. Gabriel found his hold on her loosening, and his arm dropping lifelessly to his sides. It doesn’t take a genius to read between the lines. He hoped to get another chance with her, but not like this. His mother is still in the hospital and everything he earns from his freelancing job goes to the hospital bills. Last thing he needed was another life to look after.

He shook his head and laughed, rather desperately. “I’m so fucking stupid to hope this would be about us giving it another shot.” He pinched the bridge of his nose and squeezed his eyes shut, as if that would wash this mess away. He opened them without meeting her eyes. “I will not be this baby’s father while you’re in love with Aaron. Tell him or get rid of it.” He said, as calmly as he could, his voice void of emotions.

She had never heard that tone of voice from Gabe before, and it was enough to shock her out of whatever crazy downward spiral she was currently going on. “Wait. What?” she responded dumbly. She hadn’t had time to think about things practically yet - her only thoughts consisting of oh shit, gotta tell Gabe, and don’t tell Aaron. So supposed that she should have been grateful that he was able to think so logically so quickly, but instead it just left her feeling like she had whiplash.  

Chalk it up to hormones, but her emotions changed from deep despair to raging anger in a second flat. “You’re not - It’s too late for that, Gabe! Tough shit, you’re already the father! And what do you mean tell Aaron? I’m sorry for what I did to you, but are you really so eager to destroy my relationship? This is going to destroy him! Is that what you want? Him out of the picture?” She knew deep down that she would have to tell Aaron eventually, but she dreaded the very idea of it and hated that Gabe was pressuring her. Hadn’t he already done enough? 

“No–yes. I mean, no! I meant, tell him because I will not be the–” he sighed heavily and felt his shoulders slump. “I know you’re in love with him. You made that clear. So clear and it hurt. A bit, but I accepted it. I am not destroying your relationship for fuck’s sake, Lila. If I wanted to steal you from him it’s not by.. by this!” The tone of his voice was slowly rising, his mind finally starting to wrap around what’s happening and he was this close to losing it. “I don’t want to destroy him, or you, or your relationship, because this destroys me too! God, Lila, I’m not that fucking desperate! Why did you call me here, huh? What do you want me to do? Why tell me? Tell him. Tell him, ask him to be its father or get rid of it. I will not -I am not ready to be a father.” 

She knew that she hurt him - knew that she continued to hurt him now. And she hated herself for it. Because in another world, she could have easily fallen for Gabe. He was attractive and funny, and they had so much in common. He was exactly the kind of person she had always envisioned herself with before Aaron came along and turned her world upside down. And when it was just her, it had been so much easier to push that potential aside, to ignore it, because Aaron was all she ever wanted, and the seed of her feelings for Gabe was so small in comparison. But it wasn’t just her now, and that realization rocked her to her core. Because no matter what she chose to do with the baby, she and Gabe had created something together that they could never escape. “I-” she started, stuttering over her words slightly in an attempt to collect her thought and explain the torrent of emotions raging inside her. “I called because this was something we did - together. And I know I hurt you, and you have every reason to hate me, but I care about you, Gabe. So much. I meant what I said that night! If the circumstances were different, I would be with you in a heartbeat. I just - I’m so confused! I wasn’t - I never wanted any of this to happen. You’re one of my closest friends, Gabe, and I know it’s selfish, but I need you right now!” 

Starting to pace back and forth, he impatiently listened to her explanation. “Everything was fine. I had started being fine.” He muttered to himself over and over. He could feel her eyes following him. Then he turned to her, tears burning behind his eyes now that everything was catching up to him. “I don’t hate you. I can never hate you.” Why would he? She was the first hookup he’s ever had feelings for. There was so much hope, so much potential in them. Under any other circumstance, this would be the best thing that has happened to him since his mother was hospitalized. She could easily have his whole heart, his full commitment –all of him. But of course life doesn’t work like that. She was in love with a man who’s absolutely a better man than Gabriel will ever be. Inasmuch as he wanted to, she can never take it against her. One doesn’t just choose who to love. “But the circumstances weren’t different. Just caring about me is not gonna fix this.” He almost wanted to give in, with the way she said she needed him. Every inch of his conscience, and every bit of what’s left of their once-strong friendship was starting to resurface. He couldn’t leave her like this, but right now what he needs is self-preservation. “You have a lot of other close friends,” he replied, his voice cracking. “I can’t do this. I.. I think I have to go.”

She could feel him slipping away from her and she was powerless to stop it. Her world was falling apart, and the one thing she knew was that she couldn’t lose him. The selfish part of her insisted that it was just because he had been the one to get her into this mess - he owed it to her to help her through it. But there was another part - timid and quiet though it was - that told her it was more than that. He was more than a close friend, more than the one who got her into this mess. They were partners now, tied together in the bonds of this horrible, shitty miracle. (She didn’t know why people called babies that - they were terrible and apparently far too easy to conceive to be considered miraculous…) It didn’t matter what happened now, this would stay with her forever - and so would Gabe. She couldn’t let him go so easily. It was impulsive, and probably stupid, and she would definitely pay for it later, but she rushed towards him, trapping him in a kiss. 

Next thing he knew, he was kissing her back. The last thing he needed was her keeping his hopes back up. But she was right there, rushing to him, keeping him from leaving. And he found himself kissing back. A deep and needy kiss that revealed whatever words he chose to leave out earlier. He was surprised how selfish she was making him. He wanted to want her, he wanted their kiss to last; what’s worse is he started to want Aaron out of the picture. Gabriel was sure it was Aaron she liked first, but it was him that came to her first. He reluctantly broke the kiss, remembering that he should be resorting to self-preservation. With his hands still on her waist, and his forehead against hers, he spoke in a soft voice. “I..want to want you. Had you told me you wanted to be with me, I’d be yours. Just like that. But we both know that once everything’s under control, you’ll be running back to him.”

She poured everything she had into that kiss - her uncertainty about her feelings, her anger that he had gotten her into this mess, all of it. It was different from their past kisses, less playful and more desperate, but this, she realized, was her life now. And the worst part was that she felt it, stirring in her gut, the seed of something. “I want to want you, too,” she whispered back, her voice hoarse from yet more unshed tears. “I just - God, this all just became so much more complicated. We can’t come back from this, Gabe. I don’t know what I’m going to do with it, but this is gonna stay with me forever.” 

Now that they weren’t being hysterical anymore (they still are, only not as much as they were a few moments back), Gabe had to say it. “You just had to kiss me, didn’t you? I should’ve agreed when you suggested we use a condom. And you should’ve stopped me there, since you already knew then that you love..” him. He swallowed hard, sniffing back his tears. What was he going to do now? She was right, they can’t come back from it. It’s already in her womb. Gabe wanted her to get rid of it, but now that he can think again, he wouldn’t want her to go through such a painful process. Kissing her forehead, he slowly pulled away. “Maybe.. maybe we shouldn’t think about it right now. We still have months before the bump shows. We’ll figure it out. But I hope you understand.. that I can’t have you looking at me like you wish I was him. I don’t want that to happen. We both deserve better. I’m gonna need some time alone… Give me today, and–and tomorrow. Then we’ll talk the day after that.”

She didn’t know why she hadn’t stopped Gabe. She guessed at the heart of it, she just wanted to be wanted. Every statistic had been screaming in her head, even when he promised to pull out, but she thought she knew her cycle, she thought she was safe. It was a mistake that would haunt her for the rest of her life. “Okay,” she nodded, exhaling shakily. “Yeah, okay. This is a lot to just lay on you. Of course you need time. I just - I think I need some time too. Y’know, to just… figure everything out. Can I ask you for one favor, though? Can you not tell Aaron?” 

The two aren’t close friends --- no. Maybe they have a lot of mutual friends. Like:

Maia Lancaster --- she’s one of Roman’s best friends and she was Tommy’s cousin’s ex. Roman also heard that Tommy and Maia were once rumoured to be together and it caused a huge messy relationship drama.

Evelyn Grady --- she and Tommy dated, although no one really knows why they broke up. And guess what, Roman has a crush on her.

Brianna Campbell --- the first and only person who genuinely understood Roman because apparently they were both ‘outcasts’ is also the very same person that went to prom with Tommy. Because they were officially together.

It’s pretty obvious why they aren’t close. Not that Roman would ever dream of it. They have way too little in common, but one of them is that they’re both heavy smokers. That’s the only time they actually talk.

It was too cold outside. Roman would want to run straight to his car and get warm. But his cigarettes tasted too good in that weather.... and he didn’t really know how to make his exit now that he and Tommy are smoking and sharing a conversation together... where Tommy is mostly the one talking. Nothing new.

“I never really paid attention to Lila, you know. So I don’t really know her enough to be all cute-sy around her baby. But sometimes I have to, because of Kelsey.”

Roman looked at him, confused. Tommy noticed this and said, “I mean, Kelsey and the baby daddy are in the same house. She has to deal with the little family like... 24/7 so..”

Oh, right. Roman didn’t really know any of them at all. Kelsey Grayson is an A student, Lila Eaton was a snob (for him at least) and loves sardonic humour, and Gabe Andrews was part of Dash Sullivan’s crowd. These people are on top of the food chain. And Roman was just... a potato who loves art and theatre. Oh.. and animals, of course. He’s a veterinary science major, anyway.

“I thought for a moment ---”

“That we’re dating?” Tommy interrupted, then burst out laughing. “Pshhh, we would never!”

And Roman swore to God that that was the sound of a fake laugh. “No, I was gonna say... I thought for a moment Kelsey was that kind of person.. you know... the kind that---that forces people into doing stuff.”

Tommy stopped laughing and cleared his throat before taking another drag. “Nahh. She’s pro-choice. She respects everyone’s opinions. Except when it targets a race or a gender or something like that. She doesn’t like that I smoke too much, but she doesn’t shove it down my throat every now and then. So, no. She’s never that kind of person.”

“So.. you think she could help me with something? My... uhm I’m a science major and I’m not so great with words but we have this--this essay that’s due on ---”

“Say no more, kid.” Tommy cut in, and it made Roman squint for a second. Last time he checked, he’s the same age as Tommy. “I’ll talk to her for you.” Then he whipped out his phone, and called her. Right there and then.

Roman wanted to step out of the scene. Watching Tommy mention his name to someone else on the phone made him regret he asked Larsen a favour. But then he overheard Kelsey saying “sure,” followed by Tommy’s little nod and wide grin. Maybe it wasn’t a bad idea after all.

“I’m slightly offended you didn’t come looking for my help.” Tommy joked.

“Shit, no! No, I didn’t mean that! I wasn’t---that’s not what---it’s just Kelsey is---” Roman waved his hands, feeling more ashamed of himself now more than he was earlier.

The other guy just laughed and playfully punched Roman’s shoulder. “Chill. I was joking. I don’t have time for my homework so why in the world would I have time for yours?” Then Tommy fixed the collar of his coat up to cover his neck as he started walking towards Roman’s car.

“Where are you going?”

Tommy stood next to the car door and turned around to grin at his new friend. “I’m going to drink and you’re gonna come with me, Winny.”

“My name’s not---” Roman said as he fumbled for his keys. Poor kid was still confused.

“Yeah but your last name’s Winston and... I don’t know. Winny just came out. You do drink, right?”

“I do.. but ---”

“You party?”

“No, it’s too much ---”

“Then it’s a chill night for us. I know what you feel about tomorrow.”

This made Roman freeze in his place. He could feel his cheeks turn a shade darker and he could tell it’s not from the breeze.

“I used to feel that every time I have to show dad my school card. So...” he shrugged and grinned wider, leaning on the passenger’s side’s door. “We’ll only have a few beers, Roman.”

And for the first time that day, Roman smiled and meant it. For the first time in a long time, someone understood him without having to explain himself. For the first time this semester, he made another friend. And it’s someone he could smoke and drink with.