Rose 🥀

when I forget to stay busy for one second and suddenly I get a wave of everything that has ever hurt me.

i hate how fragile i am. one word, one tone, and i'm spiraling. and i know it's not normal. i know i'm supposed to "regulate." but how do you regulate a storm that's lived inside you for years? how do you tell your body you're safe when it never believed you?

I hate being me oh my godddddd I hate being me

What if I’m unfixable? What if I’ll have to stay this way forever?

the traumatized urge to over explain things so that i'm not misunderstood

Just once, I want my absence to be felt.

The fear of abandonment isn’t just about people leaving, it’s the gut-wrenching belief that you aren’t worth staying for.

there's not a single nonchalant bone in my body. I care so much I could literally vomit.

the “i wanna go home” never leaves my head even when i’m physically sitting in my bed

i hate how ugly i am. inside and out. it's all rotten.

"slut era" i say as i rot and decay in my bedroom and watch the years pass me by as i miss out on core experiences other people my age are having while i think about the past

Being passively suicidal is funny as fuck like yeah i don't plan on doing anything and knowing me i never will but the idea of a gun to my head sounds really fucking good right now.