Mannaz

"Achilles - yes, the Achilles - has just received word that Patroclus, his dearest companion, his partner in the camps and possibly in other activities (depending on who you ask), has fallen in battle! This is a moment in history, folks! Achilles is on his knees, howling at the sky like a man who just lost his entire world, ever the theatre kid!"

"Now, forget about Achilles, let’s talk about the real losers here: the entire Achaean betting pool. That’s right! If you had money on ‘Patroclus survives the war,’ you might as well start handing over your gold and spoils!"

"Hector is on the run, folks! I repeat, Hector is on the run! This is NOT a drill! The Trojan prince is circling the walls of Troy, and Achilles is right behind him, faster than Grandpa Hermes on cattle stealing duty! That’s one… two… three laps around the city! My, my, my, this reminds me of my sister's unfulfilled weight loss plans."

"AND Agamemnon fires back! Says Achilles is just a whiny soldier who doesn’t respect the chain of command! Achilles’ jaw just dropped, I don’t think I’ve seen him this offended since someone suggested Patroclus should wear his armour. And now - oh, oh, folks, he’s reaching for his sword! HE IS ACTUALLY GOING FOR HIS SWORD! ARE WE ABOUT TO WITNESS A MURDER LIVE?! IS ACHILLES FINALLY FULFILLING EVERYONE'S DREAMS TO KILL AGAMEMNON?!"

"AND HERE COMES THE SLAUGHTER! Diomedes is absolutely dominating the battlefield - twelve men down, zero resistance! Look at that form! That precision! Just a drool worthy performance of a true warrior! Meanwhile, I’m executing a perfect steal - warhorses? Mine now! That’s right, folks, I am officially expanding my contingent of stolen goods!”

10 year old Telemachus, who has never even held a weapon before, who was hiding behind his teary-eyed mother's skirts when they came to fetch him.

Penelope falling to her knees, clutching the feet of the ones trying to take her son away and begging to not do this, that she has just lost her husband, that she cannot lose a son too, that her boy is so young. That her brother-in-law Eurylochus can avenge her husband.

Grief-stricken Diomedes, hovering and protecting Telemachus, risking his own life time and time again to ensure Telemachus' safety. Fighting with all the commanders to keep him from the battlefield as much as possible.

Athena always standing behind Telemachus, for the first time making her presence evidently known, lending as much as strength, wisdom and courage as she can to her Champion's son.

He didn't choose to go to war. He was drafted into the war as a general. He tried to get out of it by pretending he was crazy because he didn't want to leave Telemachus and Penelope. So, when the guys came to his castle, he was out in the field pulling a plow, with the horse behind it like the horse was driving him. And most of the guys were like, "Wow, he's totally crazy!" but the head dude was like, "No, he's tricky. We gotta see if he's actually crazy. Bring out his newborn son!" So they brought Telemachus out, and put him in the path of the plow being like "If the king is actually crazy he'll run over his son!" Odysseus didn't do it, he swerved around Telemachus, and his cover was blown, so he had to go to war.

Motherfucker

1. The Odyssey is an epic poem we all fucking know that? That it's a tragedy, technically comedy (comedy in ancient literature used to mean "happy ending", not funny stuff)

2. The Circe bit can be interpreted in different ways, as if it was fully consensual or not or just a transaction. There was still a difference in power dynamics, which was 100% mentioned by Calypso in the beginning, but if you choose to ignore that part if the same as saying some of Zeus' kids were ok to be conceived because the women agreeded to what A GOD wanted.

3. Obviously Epic!Odysseus is differente from Homer!Odysseus, but trying to say Homer! Odysseus is a horrible person that fully wanted to cheat on Penelope just because you want to defend ALEXANDER HAMILTON, i have bad news about you.

4. "The crew had to beg to go back!" I read the Odyssey too. As a child and a few days ago. They stayed on Circe's island to rest so Odysseus job as a captain was literally wait until his crew told him they were ready to leave, specially after what they have lived. Odysseus didnt force anyone to stay in that island, when the crew went "oh, sir, we miss our families, please lets go back now, yes?" Odysseus immediately said "ok". It literally felt like a father waiting for the kids to stop playing in the playground.

5. Homer!Odysseus is not perfect, at all (man killed his disloyal maids because he didnt want to deal with shit anymore, even if they also were coerced/raped by the suitors), but come with a better gotcha than Circe. You are just fixiated on the Telegony and it shows.

Because he doesn’t just look hurt, or sad. He’s clenching his jaw and raising his chin, just a little, regaining his composure. He doesn’t just look hurt, he looks angry.

And this isn’t his reaction to opening his door and finding the person who tried to kill him. This isn’t his reaction to finding out God plans to kill a bunch of kids and cause a man to suffer just to win a bet. This isn’t his reaction to the combined forces of Hell outside his shop.

This is his reaction to the fact that the love of his life just used the Nightingale, *their* Nightingale, in this context. Because he isn’t just saying no, he’s telling him that he loves him, but not that much.

And I think this is the moment their roles are properly reversed. Now it isn’t Crowley trying to escape the end of the world by running to the stars. It’s Aziraphale, trying to escape this conflict he and Crowley have for 6,000 years by finally putting them back on the same side and getting rid of all that messiness and philosophical differences.

Aziraphale knows why he couldn’t go with Crowley last time, but he doesn’t want to accept that because Crowley doesn’t have a higher authority he can go to, doesn’t have some plan that’s going to fix everything instead of just running.

For the first time in 6,000 years Crowley isn’t the one to suggest a solution, a temptation. He’s not recommending the Arrangement, he’s not suggesting they tutor the Anti-christ, or even that someone kill him, he’s not suggesting they runoff to Alpha Centauri, he’s not offering for Aziraphale to come stay in his flat because the bookshop burned down. Because this is their dance, Aziraphale is the good one. Crowley will always come back and tempt him again, and Aziraphale will always forgive him.

But this isn’t Crowley tempting and Aziraphale resisting. This is Aziraphale tempting, and Crowley saying ‘No’. And now the dance is all wrong.

But then Crowley kisses him and Aziraphale tries to fall back into pace, because in his head, the kiss is Crowley’s newest temptation, so he offers forgiveness in the last desperate hope they can find their footing here.

But he’s wrong. Because the kiss wasn’t Crowley tempting him. The kiss was Crowley’s forgiveness. So of course he tells Aziraphale not to bother this time. The forgiveness already happened.