🌌Float On🌌

I have noticed I have this despairingly fast-acting intuiton whenever I like someone that tells me I shouldn’t like them or continue to hang out with them. It’s not a toxic intuition, it’s more helpful than anything. 

Except in the very instant I feel it. I’ll be in public with the person, or laying in bed with them, when the thoughts start pouring in. 

“Is this who I really want to allow into my life?” “Are we going in the same direction?” “Am I even compatible with this person or just the idea of the person?”

It’s starting to ruin a lot of my potential relationships and causing me unnecessary (or totally necessary) grief. 

Last night I went downtown with this guy I’ve been seeing who sells things. (Illegal things. I don’t judge, I used to sell illegal things.) It hasn’t ever been an issue. Until we got there and I realized “Is this the kind of woman I’m turning into? Am I okay with this?”

No. The answer is a deafening no. It hurts at first, but then it strikes panic into my heart and reminds me of who I intend to be and how stressed I am to figure out the way of getting there. 

I’m easily charmed. A funny personality does it for me. I’m not too shallow. Being able and willing to buy me food or drinks, a definite yes. Someone who’s more into respecting me than having sex with me? Absolutely. 

Commitment to the person? Questionable.