Things Iâve Said to my Puppy: A Starter Collection
âMan youâre awkward. I mean, ridiculously beautiful but damn, grow into yourself.â
âWhat the ever-loving heckinâ heck are you eating now?â
âExcuse me sir, you canât read.â
âYou really have that âI donât know how I fit into the worldâ vibe about you.â
âThatâs not polite.â
âYou donât even rise until youâre addressed. Iâm digging your obedience.â
âSit like a gentleman.â
âThatâs not yours, friend.â
âThatâs right. Listen to me and pretend to have an idea of what Iâm talking about. I get that a lot.â
âI didnât pay all this money for you not to be a cuddler.â
âWanna go for a ride?â
âShow me your cop face.â
âIâm not a fan of you licking my teeth. Please donât.â
âOkay; weâre done here.â
âOh no, the postman! How ever will we survive now?!â
âYouâre gonna be rude? Okay, youâve lost the pleasure of my presence.â
âThe piano isnât evil, itâs just unpleasant to hear when Iâm touching it.â
âHey neighborhood watch, whatâs going on with the town today?â
âWe really donât need toâoh weâre peeing in the garden now, thatâs a thing.â
âI draw the line at shredding things.â
âWhat the heck is going on with your teeth?â
âNo, youâre not helping.â
âWeâve all pooped. Itâs your turn.â
âIâm not saying I donât believe you, Iâm just saying I donât see anything.â
âI know youâre a blanket snatcher but you canât snatch this blanket.â
âOh, you want to help?â
âLeave him alone, heâs just trying to take a walk.â
âRight, right, defend your castle.â
âI wish I looked that beautiful having no idea whatâs going on.â
âHow do you get one?â
âThis is not what I asked for.â