War Paint Jane @warpaintjane - Tumblr Blog

The real test to see if you’re responsible enough to have children:

buy a tube of chapstick. If you lose it before you’ve used it completely, you should not be responsible for a Whole Ass Child. if you can’t keep track of a plastic tube full of flavored wax, you are not ready to rear some bone-filled-sack of meaty responsibility. I’m not saying this because I fear what will happen to the child. I fear what the child will become. Parents lead by example and we need a nation of people who don’t lose their chapstick that they only used twice.

#thanks for coming to my TED talk

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my boyfriend told me this so I drew this up for him but all I could think was cloud-person with legs

sa2ha

me: i reject materialism. Im literally not buying anything ever again as it cannot make me happy. what i own should not define me

a tshirt with like idk a tiny strawberry on it: 🍓 :)

me: well i absolutely must have this or i will literally die in agony.

warpaintjane

meeeeeeeeeeeeeee

You’ve always loved me quietly

In whispers

In murmurs

In soft forehead kisses

Your sentimental heart

Your pretty brown eyes

And your carefree chuckle

Yes you’ve always loved me quietly

I wish there was a way to save your smile

To keep your happiness fresh

To hold your warmth long after our hug has ended

To kiss you from miles away

You tell me I’m pretty

And perfect

And you love me

And I wish I could believe this when I look in the mirror

When I wait for your next text

When you say you’re busy

I wish there was a way you could phrase your affection for me

So that I could know you meant it

A word for forever

That means forever

And I want you to care a little more

About the little things

Be bolder in your love for me

To shout from the rooftops

To want to be seen

But you’ve always loved me quietly

#poetry #poem #love poem #sad poem

gluten-free-pussy

*sees a woman with literally my exact body proportions*

Me: oh my god???? She’s gorgeous!! Look at how beautiful her body is oh my god she’s a goddess come to earth

*looks in the mirror*

Me: I am literally an ugly swamp monster. Why should I even bother to leave the house?

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crawdaddykink

Men be like “Let me just play Devil’s Advocate” like no, Shut up. You are the Devil

user87262893

This post Has Influenced Me Beyond Reason.. Yesterday a man said to me “well, to be devil’s advocate-” and I said “there’s no ‘advocate’, men are the devil and when you speak its with his tongue” and he stared at me until be both awkwardly laughed bc i momentarily was haunted by a Victorian feminist ghost

thesubcon10ent

I once had a guy I was arguing with tell me he was being the devils advocate and I replied “self advocating? that’s a bold move.” and I don’t think I’ve ever felt that powerful in my life

warpaintjane

“playing devil’s advocate” is man-speak for “I have no real opinion or strong argument for this topic but I want to dominate this conversation anyway.”

may I just suggest

men with long hair having girly updos for formal events. I'm talking fancy hairstylists, sparkling hair accessories, very elaborate hair that looks like a whole work of art. as opposed to the flowing locks or basic ponytail we always see.

frogitivity

Welcome to Build-a-Frog!

Click here to enter

sweet-sins-and-stuff

EVERYONE DO THIS ITS CUTE

sandersstudies

“B-but pansexual is just the same as bisexual!”

Who are you, the fuckin word police? When somebody says “large” or “huge” do you throw a tantrum because they didn’t say “big”? Do you go ape-shit at the thought thought that “scarlet” and “crimson” might be different to people who can see a shade beyond “red”? Do you just go absolutely totally feral when I tell you that one person says they are “joyful” and another claims to be “content” as you stomp your foot and insist they’re all “happy”? Stop being a shithead.

#support your local pan

imposterogers

what if the teenage mutant ninja turtles exist in the mcu but they’re just really good at staying under the radar and criminals are too embarrassed to admit they got beat up by some guys in “turtle costumes” so they blame daredevil. peter parker worked as a pizza delivery boy for a while and brought like eight pizzas to a man hole cover but thought nothing of it bc nyc

imposterogers

peter parker: i once was one minute late delivering pizza and the dude was like “forgiveness is divine, but never pay full price for late pizza”

clint barton: oh cool u met one of the tmnt

literally everyone: who

clint: am i the only one in this goddamn city who knows about the crimefighting turtles that live in the sewers

(they all think clint is playing an elaborate prank on them, especially when he shows them a photo of four guys wearing what are ‘very obviously halloween costumes’)

sweetiesoju

fun fact: it’s TMNT canon that the chemical container that hit Matt Murdock across the face and gave him his Daredevil abilities is the same canister that landed on the baby turtles and mutated them, so…..y’all aren’t far off

captainlordauditor

i’m sorry it’s WHAT

theyoungestwhateleydaughter-dea

TMNT started as a Daredevil parody.

Matt’s teacher is Stick. The turtle’s is Splinter.

Matt’s enemy is the Hand. The turtle’s is the Foot Clan.

It was originally a dark, edgy, turtle themed parody of Daredevil.

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fungusfather

FREE PADS AND TAMPONS

Hey all you lovely people who have periods, the world is starting to look a little bit brighter now that certain tampon/pad companies have started to allow people to receive small kits and samples of pads, maxi pads, liner, and tampons for free. And I mean 100% free and discreet. You just have to give them your address and name, and bam! You’ve got all the menstrual cycle products you could ever need for no cost. Links below!

U by Kotex

Always

Playtex

Poise

lyrical-galaxy

i expect everyone to reblog this

vampchick24-blog

Reblog this everyone.

tricksters-pride

I’m not a girl but I’m rebloging for all my followers who may need this

symbf-deactivated20190613

abs are cancelled. we all about soft tummies now

princecarlton

warpaintjane

stay squishy babyyyyyyy

#you best be soft #you best be squishy #we cuddlin' not wrestling #flubby is lovely

neyruto

Cowboys are witches and horses are their familiars

istillfuckwithdemilovato-deacti

guns are their wands and they only know one spell (bullet)

omnybus

Rootin’, tootin’, toil n’ shootin’

Fire burn and cowboy bootin’

Eye of newt and spicy beans,

Toe of frog and denim jeans,

Whiskey, grits, n’ demon spittle

tossed into my iron griddle

With the tannin’ of our hides,

Somethin’ wicked this way rides

luidilovins

This is better than the entire harry potter series

Room inspections are coming up, you know what that means

hide your swords and whiskey

#college #dorm life #dorm living #this is college

mmmmmmm????

#digital art #this is my third try #practice #is that ME?!??!?

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Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.

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I made my boyfriend pick his favorite pic of me from my insta and then I turned it into digital art and framed it as his birthday gift ^-^

I don’t know why he chose a pic where I had major double chin, but now he has to live with his decision .-.

I loved seeing people carry around gift bags and presents today. Like tiny girls scurrying around with heart adorned bags for each of their friends, or big beefy dudes carrying dainty little boxes for their SO. Just so cute. 10/10.

anyway, my boyfriend got me a bottle of honey whiskey and a fountain pen.

I got him... socks...

#valentine's day #cute

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