**bnha spoilers** I'm just sat here with renewed realisation of what All Might is going through. 40 years. /40 years/ he held and refined that power and dedicated his every waking (and sleeping if Vigilantes is anything to go by) moment towards the goal of defeating AfO and creating a society in which people could feel happy and safe. And now as it turns out AfO is still alive, society is broken and he has given a literal piece of his soul to this young boy leaving himself with only phantoms
Yes. I donāt think people quite grasp what all heās going through.
Itās been shown recently to us that some, if not most, heroes have underlying ambitions in becoming a hero. Whether for money, glory, fame, popularity, doesnāt matter. Theyāre ultimately in it for themselves. Toshinoriās intentions from the beginning have been the most pure- he wanted to be a symbol that people can look to and know things will be ok. A symbol of hope. This boy was only around 14 years old when he decided this. What kind of 14 year old sees the world that clearly? Sees that people have no hope, that a veil of darkness covers them. The only thing I can think of is- Toshinori did not have a good childhood. Something had to have happened to a boy that young to stop seeing the joy in life so early, and see the worldās flaws. Truthfully, I believe he was an outcast- due to his quirklessness. Most likely an orphan, perhaps abandoned by his parents, as weāve never seen him have any family. I do truly believe Toshinori has been alone all his life. I donāt doubt more could have happened to him as a child before he met Nana.Ā
Some may argue that Izuku is the same age, and therefore it shouldnāt be that hard to see why Toshinori wanted to be a hero at such a young age. BUT, Izuku had someone to look up to, ever since he was a child of four years old, to inspire him to be a hero his whole life *cough cough* All Might. Izuku also was quirkless, much like Toshinori, and an outcast because of it (hence where I assume Toshinori was much the same). But ultimately, Izuku wanted to save people because he saw his hero do it. It really wasnāt until Izuku was a bit older, has been in UA, has been on rescue missions, has seen what the heroes see, that I think heās truly realized how darkĀ the world really is. Toshinori didnāt have that. He didnāt have someone to inspire him as a child, someone to look up to, a hero to inspire him to help others. At that time, heroes hadnāt become as popular as they are in present times. Toshinori saw the world for what it was, on his own, at a tender age. I think that day Nana ran into this blonde hair kid, she eyed him up, noticed his scraggly form, looked into those captivating blue eyes, and saw a man whoās lived through the worldās horrors- experienced the worst it has to offer-, and wants to save everyone he can from the same fate, all in a 14 year old boy.Ā
Then after only a few short years with the woman he saw as his mother, sheās killed in front of him because of his own weakness- he wasnāt strong enough yet to protect her. The only other person his life, Gran Torino, literally abused him. He beat him to a pulp, taking his own emotions out on a teenager, and I doubt Toshinori said anything of it. He probably thought he deserved it. Heās still afraid of Gran Torino to this day, remembering the beatings and expecting more for his failures- even if he doesnāt know what they are surely heās at fault for something, but heās the only person whoās stood by his side for this long. Even while at a distance, and spouting nothing but criticisms along the way. But Toshinori had to put aside his own emotions to be that hope for everyone. He left everything he knew to go to a new country on his own, to learn how to be a hero, to be that hope for someone.
Vigilantes showed us just how hard he worked. Toshinori literally stayed awake with no sleep for days on end- 3 in the chapter Iām referencing- because people needed help, people needed saving, and no one else stepped up. He fought villains, rescued civilians, repaired damage, cleared rubble, (even accept and eat food that was against his dietary restrictions after his injury) whatever the public needed, all while draining himself further. He worked himself to the point of exhaustion because he had no help, once literally falling asleep while mid-leap across the city because he simply could go no further.Ā
^^These happen in succession of each other^^
No one stepped up to say āHey, Mr. Number 1, youāve been working hard lately. Let me help you!ā No one tried to take over his position. Even the Number 2 hero, Endeavor, never tried to take some of his burden. His only goal was to try to be better than All Might in terms of power- he was never trying to be the hero that the people relied on All Might for. Everyone relied on him when things looked grim. He was the back up plan. And all of this happenedĀ before Toshinoriās injury.Ā
The only thing he ever wanted to do- help people- he canāt do (at least the way heās always known how to). The ability to save people has been taken from him in the most gruesome way. He was finally able to fight the man that killed Nana, and in a rage that Iām sure echoed with all of the emotions of the previous users, he smashed that manās head like a grape. But not without consequence. Several organs are gone. The pain is excruciating. He wears that manās mark on his body for the rest of his life, never truly able to rid himself of the filth.
Then we have Nighteyeās betrayal. The man that helped him as a sidekick, the man that grew to be his only friend. Now some people may ask why Toshinori flipped like he did to Nighteye looking into his future when he was concerned about him making it through his injury. What I believe is Toshinori didnāt want to know when he would die (and really, who does). Now he knows heās on a time limit, knows the clock is ticking. Time is running out to keep the world at peace, and with him as he is now, how long can this go on?Ā
I think the betrayal, doing something that Toshinori specifically asked him not to do, is what hurt the most. How can he trust Nighteye anymore? He already can only count on one hand the people he can trust, let alone befriend.
Heās wasted away into a skeleton, a shell of the man he used to be. He canāt over exert himself without his only lung bleeding in protest. Itās canon in the side books that he really doesnāt eat much, which isnāt good for his diet without a stomach now (heās supposed to have several small meals a day). He is quite literally punishing himself by starving. (Granted, he doesnāt feel hunger anymore.) Heās a sick man, beyond medical help at this point. They can only stabilize him and hope for the best. For five years now heās in constant pain, every day. He loses blood like sweat. Surely his veins are bruised and collapsed with how many times he would have needed to be hospitalized. Whether from losing too much blood, being too dehydrated or starved from āforgettingā to eat, or an organ failing as body continues to fall apart. ā...even as my body rots and grows frail...ā - Toshinori People are bound to stare at him as he walks down the street. A tall, willowy, skeleton with a grimace on his face and blood stains on his clothes as he coughs up more into his own hands. There would be the ones who outright ignore him when they walk by, the people who offer pitying smiles and sympathetic glances or just outright stare, and then ones who are afraid of his appearance- children screaming at the mere sight of him and running to their parents to hide from the monster. Each one is another knife in Toshinoriās side, an ache in his chest. If only they knew who I really am.
Losing Nighteye took a toll on his hero work as well. Mirai was a huge help in the past, and took care of all Toshinoriās paperwork, while also reminding him to take care of himself. Without him, Toshinori was even more buried beneath his responsibilities. Plus, now he was on a time limit. He even snapped briefly in his first meeting with Tsukauchi, accidentally revealing himself as All Might because he was under too much pressure, and telling the detective he literally couldnāt handle doing everything by himself (who graciously took over the paperwork side of things for him).Ā
He was living a double life now, having to lie to people left and right about who he was while in his small form, about how he became so sickly, why he was here in the first place who the heck is this skinny old guy. Surely he had multiple visits to the doctor while continuing to repair the damage done by AFO (thereās a limit to how much the body can handle at once. And things Iām sure continued to fail as time went on). Then he would be bedridden for as long as the doctors could keep him strapped to a bed, until he couldnāt take the peopleās cries for help any longer, and would jump into action. (Itās also revealed he has something of a super hearing- able to hear danger- which may have been a form of danger sense of OFA that was never fully unlocked?. Either way, he surly could sense disasters happening while he could only lay and heal from his latest surgery. Those poor doctors must have had to re-stitch him several times). People blame him for not preparing society for his retirement, that he failed in passing on the torch so to speak, but in reality he did everything possible to keep society from falling for 40 years, doing all within his power just to keep things afloat. He is only one person. One human being, he canāt do everything despite trying to. Society failed All Might.
People blame him for not being a good teacher. He didnāt exactly have the greatest teacher himself to learn from. Heās never had to teach anyone anything, he just punches! Heās learning. And for his own credit, heās an incredibly wise man, he has years of experience under his belt, and an intelligence score of 6/6, scoring up there with Nezu! He may not always have the right way to bring something up, but heās doing his best. Yet even he blames himself for Izuku not being able to control his quirk better. Every time the boy hurts himself, itās just another tally on the chalkboard of Toshinoriās failures. He himself knows the boy deserves better, better than him. Useless. Pathetic.
Then his friend from America, Dave, essentially became a villain trying to preserve Toshinoriās legacy after Toshinori told him about his injury. Dave went behind his back, threatened people, injured people (pretty sure people died), all for Toshinoriās sake. Something he didnāt want to begin with. Having to put your only other friend in jail for trying to help you surely couldnāt have been easy.
Oh, by the way? All For One isnāt dead. All Might will fight him again, publicly, have his weakened form exposed to the world, and have his own emotions toyed with as he finds out about his masterās grandson in the villainās hands. Would Nana hate him for leaving her son alone like sheād asked, and dooming her grandchild to be raised by the greatest villain? Could he have done anything to save him? But Toshinori isnāt allowed to feel, he has to smile and push his own feelings aside once again, because thereās a villain to be fought, and only he can fight him. Despite coming out on top, heāll have suffered severe head trauma, broken left arm, destroyed right arm, and several cuts and bruises that are sure to scar. And then, his quirk, the only thing thatās been allowing him to help people, the gift given to him that he carefully held for 40 years and molded into his own until his very consciousness was permanently carved into it, blows out like a match in the wind. And heās done. Used up. Empty. Broken. Hollow. Alone, again.
He overhears his student, Bakugo, admit that he blames himself for All Mightās retirement. If he hadnāt been captured, All Might wouldnāt have had to save him, and he wouldnāt have had to fight AFO. Of course Toshinori knows thatās not true, his time was about to run out anyway. It would have happened one way or another. But how can he explain to this child that he wasnāt the cause of his hero, the worldās greatest hero, fighting for his sake, bleeding for his sake, being forced into retirement to keep him safe. Every time Bakugo sees the bandages covering Toshinoriās body is another reminder of the pain and sacrifice Toshinori willingly gave to keep him safe. Toshinori wasnāt held when his mentor died. He wasnāt told it was ok to be sad, that grief and mourning was a natural process, that it takes time to heal. He wasnāt told it was ok to cry. Instead his feelings were beaten out of him as he wondered if Gran Torino blamed him for Nanaās death. He already blamed himselfĀ How then, does he comfort a child mourning for him?Ā For what he lost.
And then he gets the call to come to the hospital. Mirai, Nighteye, his old sidekick friend, has been gravely injured, much like he himself was only a few years ago, and most likely wonāt survive the night. And to his horror, Nighteye is happy to see him, smiles at him, says he doesnāt hate him for what happened, only wants Toshinori to be happy. He canāt accept that, at least let him apologize, reconcile his sins before itās too late! But it is. Another fractured piece of his heart gone.
Of course, seeing your students beat up and their arms completely destroyed must have hurt. Instead of being able to save these kids, theyāre the ones that hurt themselves to save everyone else. And if Bakugo had kept OFA, things could have been very different (especially with what we know now of OFA and people with quirks). Toshinori wasnāt mad at Izuku for transferring it away, heād never regret choosing Izuku, and I believe he still would have stayed by Izuku and Bakugoās side should it have stayed in Bakugo, doing whatever he could to help.
As he tells Aizawa, āIāve decided to live,ā -that statement seems so melancholy, besides obvious reasons. It sounds more like another task he has to accomplish. He didnāt die he was supposed to die with the AFO fight, and now the whole life he lived is over. The world has no use for him anymore. If not for Izuku, heād have nothing left keeping him here. But because his boy made him promise to live, heāll do so. Though it almost seems like he says those words with regret. āIāve decided to live.ā Not, āIām going to live!ā āNothing can kill me!ā āI wonāt go down without a fight!ā No. āIāll live if I have to, only because you asked me to.ā The man is obviously and outwardly depressed. He has so many things against him. No doubt has severe PTSD, anxiety, among others. Not to mention his own physical health. Every day hurts. Itās painful to be alive. Why would he torture himself if he doesnāt have to? For you, my boy. Youāre the only thing keeping me here. The only light in my dark world.
He tries to help Izuku find out the previous holderās quirks, to help his boy in any way he can now that heās worthless, and goes days on end without sleep, running his body into the ground. He even forgets Christmas. Only to find that by giving the boy the same gift he had received, he may have just doomed him to an early death, among psychological torture (danger detection). (Granted, he really doesnāt know how everything works, and heās afraid to talk to anyone about it). His boy could live only half a life.
Itās only been a few months since he retired, and society has fallen into shambles. People are blaming him. People are dying. He watches helplessly as his colleague fight his fight for him, and end up battered, bruised, crippled, dead. He students, his boy, battle the monster he should have killed. Children are bleeding. This shouldnāt happen. This wasnāt supposed to happen. Is everything he worked for, everything he fought to protect, to build up, to inspire, is all for naught?! Did he live a foolish dream and doom the world? Was all the the friends he lost, tears he shed, the organs he destroyed, the pain he endures on a daily basis from the hole in his side, and the blood he continues to bleed every day, for nothing? The public, the ones he protected for so long, mourn his absence, but surely there are those among them who also blame him. The statue from his last fight in Kamino one that he never asked for was decimated in a mock of his catch phrase- the one that was supposed to give hope.
Now he can feel his own vestige speaking with Izuku in the OFA realm, even with out OFA in his own body anymore. His clock as nearly reached itās limit, Nighteyeās prediction is due any day now. The only thing he wants is to see his boy smile at him, to give him some shred of hope. Yet the child remains unconscious, and Toshinori canāt even hold his hand from the bandages covering his arms. Will he still be able to fight? Is there any coming back from this now? Did I break him?
With all Toshinori has been through, Iām honestly surprised we havenāt seen him just outright break down. Anyone, anyone, else should have crumbled under the pressure of holding up the world for 40 years alone. And instead of being able to pass it on to someone when he can no longer bear its weight, it simply falls to into the abyss. People donāt credit All Might enough for everything heās done. Most donāt realize the sacrifices heās made. His character is so unbelievably profound and deep, itās more than just the āI am here!ā people focus on. Heās a deeply troubled, layered, complex character. And I canāt find fault within him.
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