
if i look back, i am lost

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@wakingyoung

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1999 didnāt deserve the m.atrix
honestly people can complain about how 4 is gonna be garbage (lbr tho a lot of those complaints are coming from cishet white dudes who have no concept the m.atrix as a trans story) but iām so fucking jazzed to see what they can do with 2020 tech compared to what was happening back in the late 90s.Ā
1999 didnāt deserve the m.atrix
have you ever had that feelingā¦where youāre not sure if youāre awake or still dreaming?
the matrix (1999)

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āWhat did you do?ā Fred asked. 'There was a button,ā Holden said. 'I pushed it.ā 'Jesus Christ. That really is how you go through life, isnāt it?ā
Nemesis GamesĀ by James S. A. Corey
Classic Holden
(via dkafterdark)
#someone make this man stop! please!
ālike HELL iām gettinā in that river.āĀ Ā he doesnāt know this guy all that well but heād been decent enough to invite him out to a gathering with a group of friendly folks and heād offered a decent place to sleep and a chance to take a break from the worries that took up all the room in his headāand gosh didnāt that sound good right about now?Ā Ā but thereād been no mention of a trip out to the river and somehow it just hadnāt quite clicked that he might be a part of this nonsense.Ā Ā somehow it made perfect sense that the other folks with them would wade out into the muck to one of the strangers waiting to dunk them beneath the surface, but he sure hadnāt anticipated that heād be called up next for it.
ādāyou even know where that waterās been?āĀ Ā @unforsakeā
unforsakeā.
AĀ LITTLEĀ HOPEĀ COUNTYĀ BENEVOLENCEĀ RARELYĀ HURTĀ ANYONE,Ā RIGHT?Ā Ā asĀ farĀ asĀ nickĀ knew,Ā theĀ guyĀ lookedĀ nothingĀ likeĀ someĀ peggieĀ tryingĀ toĀ pullĀ theĀ woolĀ overĀ hisĀ eyes.Ā Ā andĀ heĀ reckonsĀ thatĀ itāsĀ betterĀ forĀ himĀ toĀ pullĀ overĀ thanĀ someĀ edenāsĀ gateĀ pickup,Ā hopingĀ toĀ robĀ andĀ lootĀ orĀ worse.Ā Ā theĀ sunĀ gleamsĀ offĀ hisĀ aviatorsĀ asĀ heĀ rollsĀ toĀ aĀ stopĀ andĀ putsĀ theĀ vehicleĀ inĀ park.Ā Ā oneĀ goodĀ lookĀ atĀ theĀ truckĀ behindĀ theĀ otherĀ manĀ mightĀ suggestĀ thatĀ aĀ simpleĀ jumpĀ mightĀ notĀ work.Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā āĀ Ā Ā sure,Ā pardner.Ā Ā looksĀ likeĀ youāreĀ inĀ quiteĀ theĀ pickleĀ and,Ā Ā iĀ ainātĀ aboutĀ toĀ leaveĀ aĀ guyĀ strandedĀ outĀ hereĀ inĀ peggieĀ country.Ā Ā yāneedĀ aĀ rideĀ somewhere?Ā Ā Ā ā
itās clear for a second that the sentence as a whole doesnāt quite stick its landing, but john schools it away with an easy smile like itās something heās used to hearing and scratches at the scruff on his jaw.Ā Ā āyou know if thereās a garage or somethingĀ āround these parts?āĀ Ā it only takes a few steps to bring them into proper conversation range and he makes sure to stay far enough back that the guy wonāt think heās about to jump him ā another day, another dollar, sure, but not today.Ā Ā āalternatorās busted on this piece of shit, gonna have to replace the whole dang thing.āĀ Ā not that he can afford it.Ā Ā he scratches his eyebrow now, suddenly chagrined.
āanā if you happen to know anyone needinā some odd jobs done, maybe?ā
āhey, mister!āĀ Ā he sounds polite enough to his own ear.Ā Ā maybe not enough to make up for how heās standing in the middle of an unfamiliar montana back road, waving his arms over his head like an idiot at the approaching pickup.Ā Ā his own truck is pulled off to the side a few meters behind him, hood propped open under the hot afternoon sun as if to show heās not about to drive out of there on his own.Ā Ā āhey!Ā Ā help a guy out?āĀ Ā @unforsakeā

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SYNTHMAMA.
They were close. So damn close. A series of route reversals, backpedaling and dodging their tails through a maze of subways, underground stripmalls and even a venture through a multi-corporate plaza, the last step needed was to get to the getaway car. Rain pours in sheets as they stride briskly out; Reyes already reaching for the keys to the car ā just as a passerby knocks into him in a rush to get inside and dry. The keys bounce when they hit the ground, falling to the curb and into the rush of water leading straight to the storm drain.
Quinn only stops and stares. When she finally looks up at him, her eyes convey what her words will not.Ā āTell me you have an extra set on you.ā
the rain isnāt nearly as nice as heād hoped it might be once they got outside.Ā Ā itās good for their current situation, heavy enough to cover any tracks they might leave behind, but itās got a chill to it that makes the skin crawl at the nape of his neck and he canāt help wondering why the hell this shit canāt happen in nicer climates for a change.
he doesnāt even realize whatās happened until itās too late, the moment drawn out in slow motion behind him with oh-so-helpful mental overlays with trajectory projections and probability flashing up seconds after the keyring is already gone.Ā Ā he blinks at the drain, genuinely shocked into a momentās silence, andĀ he can tell what sheās going to say before she even opens her mouth.
ānope.āĀ Ā his shoulder knocks into hers as he abruptly changes course (intentional? perhaps).Ā Ā thereās no time to stand in the rain and consider their options, heās already shifted onto the next three contingency plans that pop up as he heads briskly for a nearby street-level cafe as if that was the destination from the start.Ā Ā āhow are you at hijacking vehicle systems these days?ā
Youāre right.
PARACAUSALY.
ā itās the honesty of these worlds that makes my soul long for the past.Ā ā
āDONāT GO THERE.āĀ Ā sheās one to talk, all spark and fight ready to split at a momentās notice on the off chance thereās something remotely more interesting than any here and now.Ā Ā who is she to offer words of caution in the face of natural curiosity?Ā Ā playing dumb is likely safer.Ā Ā āāless you mean last week ā ramen shop was actually worth the trip for a change.ā
HEAVYBURDEN.
āĀ Ā Ā YOUĀ MAKEĀ ONEĀ MOREĀ MOVEĀ ANDĀ IāLLĀ SHOOTĀ YOU HERE.Ā Ā Ā āĀ Ā Ā Ā Ā herĀ voiceĀ isĀ threatening,Ā commanding,Ā andĀ ifĀ itĀ werenātĀ forĀ theĀ horseĀ beneathĀ her,Ā aĀ warningĀ shotĀ mayĀ haveĀ beenĀ fired.Ā instead,Ā beauĀ shufflesĀ andĀ whinniesĀ inĀ aĀ peculiarĀ manner,Ā andĀ itĀ takesĀ almostĀ allĀ ofĀ herĀ attentionĀ toĀ keepĀ himĀ fromĀ buckingĀ herĀ off.Ā Ā browsĀ furrowĀ asĀ priorityĀ shiftsĀ andĀ theĀ threatĀ ofĀ aĀ gunĀ becomesĀ lessĀ andĀ less.Ā sheĀ movesĀ toĀ patĀ theĀ sideĀ ofĀ hisĀ neck,Ā whisperingĀ andĀ hushingĀ aĀ horseĀ thatĀ hasĀ neverĀ been temperamental.Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā āĀ Ā Ā whatādĀ youĀ doĀ toĀ him ?Ā Ā Ā ā
HE KEEPS HIS HANDS UP by his head even as his fingers slowly curl in on themselves.Ā Ā heās not a threat, he wants that much to be clear, but heās grown used to having a weapon at hand and his palms feel suddenly vulnerable without it.Ā Ā he should be more concerned with the woman leveling a gun at him and maybe thinking harder on just how to get his gun into his own hand before this spirals too far out of his control, but he knows for a fact that the horse sheās sitting astride doesnāt belong to her and itās become a much bigger priority than his own well-being suddenly.
āwhereād you getĀ āim?āĀ Ā heās trying to sound casual and failing at it; his heart thuds heavy in his chest and he knows heās going to make a foolish decision shortly if he doesnāt keep himself in check.Ā Ā

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from tonightās study stream
A conversation w/ a snared fox at the edge of the field