I Was Here

I’m so paradoxical sometimes I just want to die, but then I remember I’m afraid of death. I just don’t want to live like this anymore.

I would say I just don’t feel like me, but I don’t even know who “me” is. I just feel like a thing. Something that’s here, but fading.

And suddenly you're plummeted back into familiar darkness. Because even in the lighter of days, the darkness is always there. Watching, waiting. With its claws wide open to drag you back down. More and more you start to wonder if it’s even worth digging your way back out.

It’s so strange how time has passed, yet suddenly your transported back to a year, or 3, or 5 years ago and it’s the same feeling. You’re in the same dark despair you’ve always been. And you start to wonder if there’s ever an escape, or if you just keep digging deeper.