the dumpster fire

This is exactly what trying to do normal stuff while having a depressive episode feels like

It's not too late to suppress all of your wants and desires and to die unfulfilled and afraid without anyone ever having really known you.

clearly some of you have not been to the labyrinth of pestilence deep beneath kentucky

alright so when I was a teenager I went to this bug-themed summer camp for socially stunted nerds and on the way back from it I visited the university of kentucky. I met with an entomologist there and while we were touring the department he asked "wanna see something cool?" so he took me down an elevator to what must've been a sub-sub-sub basement on a card-access only floor, and after turning several more corners we went through two sets of (I'm not even exaggerating) 12-inch thick doors, opening onto one long as fuck corridor. each side of this hallway was lined with about 50 refrigerators. and each and every single one of these refrigerators was filled with hundreds of thousands. of live. bedbugs. the very reasonable explanation for this was that they were doing research on insecticides and needed to test them on real samples, but they could not under any circumstances allow them to escape, so they had to be kept under area 51 levels of overkill containment. but reasonable or not that was very much not what I anticipated seeing that day. so yeah. I decided after that I did not want to become an entomologist

absolutely baffled to get to the end of that story and hear you decide NOT to be an entomologist but possibly that's the entomologist in me speaking

giant isopod is like what if magical creatures were real but just out of your reach. what if there was an animal that was generally really small but we made ONE that was actually the exact size you have dreamed about for it to be a normal house pet. but you both evolved to be unable to survive in each other’s environment. even experts (aquariums) struggle to conduct an environment in which they can survive and thrive, so you may never see one even behind glass. they may as well be unicorns. just one of the many ways life taunts me