The common misconception of ââyes or noââ
I should start by saying that I wonât be talking about fics where Neil and Andrew have just met. Iâm going to elaborate on fics where Neil and Andrew are actually in a relationship (so established relationship and post-canon fics mostly).
There is this thing going on in the fandom, mostly among fanfiction writers, that includes overusing the âyes or noâ in their works. Donât get me wrong, I think that the phrase truly reflects the dynamics of Neil and Andrewâs relationship â the ability to comprehend what true and false consent means, what it feels like to be given not only the opportunity to say no, but also to say yes (which is as important).
That leads us to that memorable shower scene.
When Neil said, âItâs always yes with you,â it was his way of showing trust â he gave himself to another person, and trusted that person to trust him. Neil believes that Andrew will stop if he says 'noâ. Thatâs why itâs always 'yesâ â because Neil was given the possibility of saying no, and he can always say 'noâ.
When Andrew said, âExcept when itâs no,â he didnât mean, âI donât trust your judgement. I know better.â He meant, âI trust you to tell me 'noâ if needed. I wonât ask again, because I know if you want to tell me 'noâ, you will.â
When writers use that phrase, they want to show how considerate Andrew and Neil are, but what they forget is that Neil and Andrew love each other because they can trust each other, and they trust each other, because they love each other.
I find it so much more beautiful that they can touch and feel, and they just â donât have to ask anymore. One day, it becomes an eternal 'yesâ for both of them, and it is 'yesâ â because it can always be 'noâ.
(I think itâs important to add that everyone can write what they want, and it is absolutely fine. Take it as a very biased writing advice.)
