barf

i refuse to believe that most people understand social cues. no way everyone isn’t constantly confused, frustrated, and hurt all the time.

feeling sick and terrible is the only consistent thing about me. I will be 10 different people in the span of a month but you can bet I feel ashamed no matter who I am

It’s impossible to talk to neurotypical people who don’t want to acknowledge that you’re neurodivergence isn’t just a personality quirk. I will be trying to explain that my brain functions differently and they will bulldoze right over that and go “assuming your brain functions like mine, this is what I would do and you should do that too.” It makes communication and social interaction feel pointless.

just got told someone was being unnecessarily mean to me because they were annoyed by my inattentiveness and weren’t directly communicating with me so I couldn’t have possibly know they wanted me to do something I wasn’t. i fucking hate it here.

when i’m not being perceived and I don’t have to perceive anyone with the gender presentation I want then I’m not even dysphoric so that means I’m probably not trans and faking or something

when will my body become my body and not just the thing i’m piloting around

Being perceived too much makes me feel incredibly anxious to the point I have to hide away from everybody. Being perceived too little untethers me from my soul and I lose all sense of identity. You would think that there’s an amount of being perceived that’s just right. There is not.

in hindsight, playing fast and loose with how often I take my stimulant drugs was probably a really bad idea

I’m to audhd what being metrosexual is to queerness. I exhibit the behaviors and relate to the media and have been clocked multiple times but it’s probably just my personality or something.

When my meds wear off and the wrongness that in intrinsic to my nature settles itself into my bones.

Wanted to get diagnosed mainly to prove myself and everyone else that I don’t just suck at life, I have an actual problem. Now after a lifetime of trauma and self-hatred plus half a decade of medical and interpersonal gaslighting, turns out it’s both.

Since I don’t have the ability to be in real life communities right now, I want to participate in some sort of online community. Unfortunately, I am fucking terrified of being precieved and will delete my account if I feel too looked at.

Mmm muscle soreness

several parts of my personality have yet to be overanalyzed i’m soo behind