in hindsight, playing fast and loose with how often I take my stimulant drugs was probably a really bad idea
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@vomitmanpukes
in hindsight, playing fast and loose with how often I take my stimulant drugs was probably a really bad idea

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Iâm to audhd what being metrosexual is to queerness. I exhibit the behaviors and relate to the media and have been clocked multiple times but itâs probably just my personality or something.
When my meds wear off and the wrongness that in intrinsic to my nature settles itself into my bones.
Wanted to get diagnosed mainly to prove myself and everyone else that I donât just suck at life, I have an actual problem. Now after a lifetime of trauma and self-hatred plus half a decade of medical and interpersonal gaslighting, turns out itâs both.
Since I donât have the ability to be in real life communities right now, I want to participate in some sort of online community. Unfortunately, I am fucking terrified of being precieved and will delete my account if I feel too looked at.

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Mmm muscle soreness
several parts of my personality have yet to be overanalyzed iâm soo behind
My meds give me so much relief it almost feels like I shouldnât be on them. Like maybe I tricked two therapists and two diagnostic tests by accident and now insurance is paying for me to get high. If I were even 10% less of an objective person I probably wouldâve gotten off of them and told my doctor I have something else.
It helps that the effects for intended versus recreational use are so starkly different. If the class of drugs literally labeled stimulants didnât make me so calm to the point I get tired, my brain would convince me of a lot of stupid things.
My meds give me so much relief it almost feels like I shouldnât be on them. Like maybe I tricked two therapists and two diagnostic tests by accident and now insurance is paying for me to get high. If I were even 10% less of an objective person I probably wouldâve gotten off of them and told my doctor I have something else.
i feel like one singular sesame seed. in this big wide world.

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Every minute I have to make a decision. Iâm not built for this. I canât make 200 decisions a day every day for the rest of my life. I canât.
So many thoughts in my head I feel like Iâm one step away from full blown psychosis.
The worst part about communicating is that I canât not be a hypocrite.
My speech is literal but not perfectly literal. I want to be perceived as literal but I do not always perceive other people as literal. I want people to say frankly what they mean yet I do not always say frankly what I mean. Even trying to convey this makes me feel like a 3rd grader trying to solve every unsolved math problem in existence.
Everything in life is just concepts and nothing is concrete and nothing makes any sense.
The more that I unlearn individualism and think of the world as interworking systems, the softer I feel inside. Just saw someone who labeled their queerness the same way I do but theyâre experiencing it in such a different way than I am.
My brain automatically turned my initial thought of âThis is my community! Itâs so cool how two people can be both so different yet the same! â into âThat must be because everyone is different yet the same. Everyone is my community :)â
Havenât taken my meds in two days because I figured if they arenât gonna work I might as well save them for a rainy day. Gonna take them today and rediscover why I need them.
I might be an idiot

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Havenât taken my meds in two days because I figured if they arenât gonna work I might as well save them for a rainy day. Gonna take them today and rediscover why I need them.
They really need to patch that bug that causes your adhd meds to just stop working for half the month if you have ovaries. Itâs so annoying to go from a functioning adult to â itâs hour 7 of me needing to peeâ and âtexting my friends is exhaustingâ.