barf

in hindsight, playing fast and loose with how often I take my stimulant drugs was probably a really bad idea

I’m to audhd what being metrosexual is to queerness. I exhibit the behaviors and relate to the media and have been clocked multiple times but it’s probably just my personality or something.

When my meds wear off and the wrongness that in intrinsic to my nature settles itself into my bones.

Wanted to get diagnosed mainly to prove myself and everyone else that I don’t just suck at life, I have an actual problem. Now after a lifetime of trauma and self-hatred plus half a decade of medical and interpersonal gaslighting, turns out it’s both.

Since I don’t have the ability to be in real life communities right now, I want to participate in some sort of online community. Unfortunately, I am fucking terrified of being precieved and will delete my account if I feel too looked at.

Mmm muscle soreness

several parts of my personality have yet to be overanalyzed i’m soo behind

My meds give me so much relief it almost feels like I shouldn’t be on them. Like maybe I tricked two therapists and two diagnostic tests by accident and now insurance is paying for me to get high. If I were even 10% less of an objective person I probably would’ve gotten off of them and told my doctor I have something else.

Every minute I have to make a decision. I’m not built for this. I can’t make 200 decisions a day every day for the rest of my life. I can’t.

So many thoughts in my head I feel like I’m one step away from full blown psychosis.

Haven’t taken my meds in two days because I figured if they aren’t gonna work I might as well save them for a rainy day. Gonna take them today and rediscover why I need them.

They really need to patch that bug that causes your adhd meds to just stop working for half the month if you have ovaries. It’s so annoying to go from a functioning adult to “ it’s hour 7 of me needing to pee” and “texting my friends is exhausting”.