brain soup

I first made this account in 2018. I was 15 years old. A baby, really. I thought it was something I'd look at like instagram, casually, just until I lost the weight I wanted to lose. Then I would delete this account and be normal again. Eat normally again.

It's almost 2025 now. I am 21 years old, I'm graduating college in a few months. And I still think about this shit every day of my life. I try not to, but I do. I think about the numbers floating around inside of food that I wish I didn't know about. The way my bones feel inside my skin. I would give ANYTHING to have never thought about it a day in my life.

Now, these problems certainly did not begin with tumblr. But this site is not blameless in my EDs/Disordered Eating's persistence long after I deleted the app from my phone and unbookmarked the website from my computer. Before I came to this site, most of my food, control, and body image issues manifested themselves as a little voice in my head. Not in outrageous fasts, malnutrition, and habits that I still can't shake seven years later.

The reason I'm writing this is a word of warning. If you are just starting out on this app, leave. If you are a CHILD, tell your parents what you're struggling with. If you want to be skinny so bad you're willing to ruin your life for it: that is not normal, it's not okay, and it's not worth it. Get the help you need, and get it as early as you can.

I wish I had sooner.