Invisible but seeing

5.2 | Redux II

#This kind of pain is not aesthetic

#It's ugly and brutal and he does that perfectly

#just like a body dying is not aesthetic, it does not want to go, it wants to preserve itself

#there's shame and regret and the attempt to keep it all inside

#it's meant to be private and intimate, not to be seen by the camera

#that's why it makes us voyeurs, and perhaps "cringe" for seeing something we should not see

#she's happy, isn't she?

#lighthearted

#and even if not, do it anyway

#for as Kafka wrote in his diary, 104 years ago, "Regelmäßig schreiben! Sich nicht aufgeben! Wenn auch keine Erlösung kommt, so will ich doch jeden Augenblick ihrer würdig sein!"

W: Gansa & Gordon D: Nutter

Bethesda, MD

During an FBI sting operation, the lead investigator and the target are both shot and legally dead, but the agent is eventually resuscitated. It's Willis' body, but Mulder believes Dupre's psyche pulled a Freaky Friday body jump.

The search continues for the bank robber's accomplice, but Willis' behavior is setting off Mulder's spidey senses. Scully does some excellent running in her trenchcoat and has been practicing her takedown since last week, but *alas*, she is with someone other than her partner, so, of course, she is taken hostage.

MSR: In Lazarus, we get a glimpse of Scully's back story in fellow FBI agent Jack Willis, her former Academy instructor and lover. He's an older coworker who she describes as intense and relentlessly determined. Sound familiar? Mulder seems impressed that she would play fast and loose with the rules, but hasn't she shown him a little of that side by now?

Their intimate relationship has been over for years, and I liked how this ep showed friendship and support without unresolved drama. It felt Scully-like to me. That leaves plenty of room for Mulder-angst as he works to get his partner back. "And for those of you who don't know already, this one's important to me. So, let's do it right." *sigh*

(And did he get a haircut or something? He looks extra baby-Mulder in this one to me.)

Fanfic:

"Aria" by the idiosyncratic stanwyck

"Lazarus" by 30xf

"meant to stay hid" by actualchangeling (part 2 of the moment I knew)

"Turning of the Tide" by TabithaJean

#so i have a chance to find them

Rush's Tie Twirl and Timeline

I can understand that, anon. So, here's the clip!

To prove the tie twirl, I must explain the slight shift from Position A to B.

At the beginning of the clip, Scully is at rest in Position A: parallel to Mulder, shoulders straight across, distance between them.

The shift to Position B begins after she looks down and says, "Mulder...": her right arm moves forward, angling her body towards him, closer in.

I have no idea what it is exactly that Mulder is doing here, but I don’t necessarily interpret it as drooling over a teenage girl. Because, why would he? He’s never done anything like that in the past, certainly not with a 16-year-old, he’s always acted extremely professional with young girls, protective, if anything. And, come on, he is with Scully now; the goddess he’s been pining for for years, who not only is the most beautiful woman he’s ever come across but, more importantly, the most intelligent, challenging, exciting, loyal partner he could have imagined. Who in their right minds would be with Scully and waste even a thought for 16-year-old Chastity?

Would he do it to irritate Scully, make her jealous? I highly doubt it. That would be petty rather than playful, ridiculous and offensive, because, come on: Fucking Dana Katherine Scully is his girlfriend now! And surely Scully – even with her history of jealousy – would know her worth and not seriously feel threatened by that girl, so what would be the point, apart from annoying her by suggesting she doesn’t have his undivided attention?

What is he doing then? I don’t know, but I wonder. Is it just a reaction because he, ever the investigator, senses something odd in her, or in her gaze (maybe the energy of the rush?) and this brings forth the impulse to look at her, raises his curiosity? Do we (and Scully) misunderstand Mulder’s turning his head when it really is something else?

As many possible misunderstandings it doesn’t get solved but the “flirting” theory simply strikes me as wrong, even if it seems the most obvious one.

(But, Jade Blue Afterglow, you might argue, but she is a) a grown-up woman and b) set in an entirely different context. I read Mulder’s reaction to her as an almost ironic auto-commentary, a rather self-conscious reference to his – former? – porn habits, the flesh-and-blood, yet clichéd, embodiment of his once ideal type; and, unlike all the other men there, he maintains a certain distance to that former wet dream now, and this is why both he and Scully can react in that wry way. Or why would she be amused?)

Sorry for this overly long comment which doesn’t even have anything to do with the tie twirling.

#Also, I love your metas

#You almost always interpret things in a different way than I do and that's so exciting

I could have sworn (and I do swear) that I read a quote once where someone credibly reported that that's what the two (as well as others on set) concluded because DD was leaving by the end of that season....

But the original source is gone, literally vanished from the internet. I hadn't started logging interviews/facts/etc. at that point, so unfortunately it slipped through a crevice and disappeared into the dark. Now it's just me, my ravings, and a conspiracy board without a single shred of evidence to prove it. (It's enough to drive one mad.)

I do know that the season of secret sex was 100% planned (with the aid of set designers, post here) because the two lead writers were building towards Requiem's reveal; but none of the other actors knew about the pregnancy reveal. However, that doesn't exclude their own shenanigans. I also know Scully twirled Mulder's tie in Rush (which didn't appear? to be in the script.) Not to mention their dialed up yet relaxed interactions (especially after Millennium.) There was a visible shift. But how much of that is provable intent-- or GA and DD not seeing the point anymore after their characters finally kissed-- remains elusively vague.

I have no idea what it is exactly that Mulder is doing here, but I don’t necessarily interpret it as drooling over a teenage girl. Because, why would he? He’s never done anything like that in the past, certainly not with a 16-year-old, he’s always acted extremely professional with young girls, protective, if anything. And, come on, he is with Scully now; the goddess he’s been pining for for years, who not only is the most beautiful woman he’s ever come across but, more importantly, the most intelligent, challenging, exciting, loyal partner he could have imagined. Who in their right minds would be with Scully and waste even a thought for 16-year-old Chastity?

Would he do it to irritate Scully, make her jealous? I highly doubt it. That would be petty rather than playful, ridiculous and offensive, because, come on: Fucking Dana Katherine Scully is his girlfriend now! And surely Scully – even with her history of jealousy – would know her worth and not seriously feel threatened by that girl, so what would be the point, apart from annoying her by suggesting she doesn’t have his undivided attention?

What is he doing then? I don’t know, but I wonder. Is it just a reaction because he, ever the investigator, senses something odd in her, or in her gaze (maybe the energy of the rush?) and this brings forth the impulse to look at her, raises his curiosity? Do we (and Scully) misunderstand Mulder’s turning his head when it really is something else?

As many possible misunderstandings it doesn’t get solved but the “flirting” theory simply strikes me as wrong, even if it seems the most obvious one.

(But, Jade Blue Afterglow, you might argue, but she is a) a grown-up woman and b) set in an entirely different context. I read Mulder’s reaction to her as an almost ironic auto-commentary, a rather self-conscious reference to his – former? – porn habits, the flesh-and-blood, yet clichéd, embodiment of his once ideal type; and, unlike all the other men there, he maintains a certain distance to that former wet dream now, and this is why both he and Scully can react in that wry way. Or why would she be amused?)

Sorry for this overly long comment which doesn’t even have anything to do with the tie twirling.

#Also, I love your metas

#You almost always interpret things in a different way than I do and that's so exciting

Chapter 1 of 6. Link on AO3

Scully makes a discovery at Mulder's apartment, and the story tracks the evolution of their partnership and relationship from that point on. The story explores the role of mystery in Scully's life. Seasons 3-7.

It’s an ordinary kind of inheritance for a rich boy from the Vineyard: a house, some bank accounts, the family jewels. So much of Mulder’s life and career—and by association, her own—has involved the grim inheritance and legacy of his father’s decisions. It’s strange to consider, for once, a part of the Mulder legacy that can be cleaned at the jeweler’s, and stored in a safe.

#txf fanfic

#such a good one

I'm picking up after M&S have been chased by black helicopters through the cornfield.

Back to OPR, and the look between Scully and Skinner says it all. Chastened. Yes, these are yesterday's clothes, and no, I am not my usual put-together self, and yes, I am aware that I am late, thankyouverymuch. In order to get the bee to walk along her collar, they put pheromones in the air and then gently blew on it with fans. The image in my head is both comic and adorable.

Mulder dishes to Kurtzweil about 'transgenic crops': plants genetically engineered to introduce specific foreign genes from other species. Hello Herrenvolk! The man on the fire escape = DHM.

The apartment (pre-hallway): First, I just want to say that there is nothing wrong with Salt Lake City, Utah, for all the people who live there. (It really is demonized in fanfic.) I've always believed Scully quit the FBI when given this assignment because it would physically separate her and Mulder, in addition to them being separated as partners and removed from the X-Files. So I don't quite know what Mulder wants Scully to do here. Take the field office assignment? To what end? (Worry not. Fic will explore it exhaustively.)

Um, Scully, what do you mean you debated whether to tell him in person?? You haven't gone a day without talking to him since 1993. WTF? That's why rewatching The End was important. It brought Diana and all of Scully's insecurities back to the surface. All of Season 5, really, with M&S out of step in their beliefs. Let's go ahead and add on that time in Detour, when Mulder didn't pick up on her... par-tay. And Small Potatoes when she was caught by Mulder almost kissing Mulder. So, yeah. Scully knows after Redux II that Mulder loves her, but she also thinks she knows he doesn't love her like that.

Until the Hallway Scene. Because Scully needs proof. At this point, she needs to hear it. And Mulder gives that to her. Not just as his partner in the FBI but as a person, someone who makes him whole. (I'd spend more time here, but we all have this memorized.)

Script: ...suddenly a physical intimacy we've never seen. A heat and passion that can't be denied...where there is hesitation on her part, there is also desire. (Damn!)

GA says that this scene was one of her favorite parts of making the movie, and we can all see why. (Especially after seeing the outtakes and alternate hallway scene.) She says it was because she was the one who got to call it -- when the bee would sting her -- so she was able to play with how long to draw it out.

Please note the honeycomb tile on the hallway floor. Wasn't it wood when X died? They probably had to replace it then. Lacinating = sharp stabbing pains in her chest. The paramedics mention a cytogenic reaction, which is nonsense. A cytogenic response would show how cells are reacting to a treatment by changes in chromosomal abnormalities, which might make sense, but not if you've only just gotten her loaded onto the stretcher. DHM shoots Mulder through the glass of the ambulance window. Which is just stupid, but probably why the shot glanced off his head.

The hospital: Mulder has had a craniotomy to relieve pressure on his brain. I sure hope he can fly safely. It is a magical bullet wound, disappearing and reappearing throughout the rest of the movie (and fic). The Gunmen found a bug in his phone, his hallway (really?), and the bee.

Skinner has been unable to track Scully but did get Michaud's apartment searched. The techs found 'PSTN residues' that matched the bomb in Dallas. The Public Switched Telephone Network is the traditional landline system. Basically, if the Syndicate had been able to 'weaponize' the landline system in order to remotely trigger the bomb from Michaud's apartment, then the conspiracy was much bigger than they originally thought. (It's odd to me that this is referred to as 'residue.')

WMM gives Mulder the vaccine and coordinates. Always the best of the baddies, I'm sad to see him go, but he at least gets a spectacular end while doing the right thing. In the script, he also gave Mulder insight into Bill Mulder's intentions for the future. "He chose hope over selfishness...his children." Samantha was taken to the alien hybrid program so she would survive as a clone. He hoped Mulder would uncover and stop the Project. (Seems like he could have left a few more clues along the way if that were what he really wanted.) As WMM sends Mulder off to find Scully, "Only her science can save the future."

The weak vaccine needs to be administered within 96 hours. Mulder was in the hospital for 2 days. He arrives in Antarctica 48 hours later. I guess we're calling that good. His sno-cat is bigger than I pictured while reading icefic, but not nearly as posh as CSM's. He's going to regret not refilling the gas tank/parking so far away later. (Why doesn't he have ridiculous sunglasses? I'm not complaining, but c'mon.)

Mulder either wanders around for a long time, or I've never given his hunches enough credit. He spies Scully's bubble litter with her clothes: "the only human artifact." In the script, he also sees the primitive hunter in a cryopod before descending/finding more modern, um... people. Some of the vaccine drips on the floor as he's clearing the air from the syringe, starting the ship's upheaval. And Scully doesn't have a tube down her throat. (Shudder. That's the worst.)

Mulder pulls her naked from the pod and dresses her in his parka, snow pants, and socks. GA was actually wearing a rubber covering when she was in the pod, which is good. The temperature on the Antarctica set was 29F.

Also in the script, Mulder still had the syringe with some of the vaccine when he had to resuscitate Scully. He considered giving her more but opted for mouth-to- mouth. Yep, that tracks.

M&S land on the ice beside the big-ass crater in each other's arms, "The way it should end." CC does know.

Meanwhile, DHM is in Dallas, taking away the bone fragments. The inevitable clean-up is underway.

Defiant Scully is badass. I think AD Cassidy is finally meeting the Agent Scully she has previously only known by reputation.

Script: Instead of the lovely scene by the reflecting pool, Mulder has a chat with CSM. Essentially, your life is over, and alone, you can't stop us. "You're just one man." Mulder: "You're wrong." He walks away, over to Scully, takes her arm. (I prefer what we got.)

Newspaper: It's the hanta virus again. This article is written by Howard Dimsdale. See my notes on Travelers for his story.

X-Files reopened: Foum Tataouine is an actual place in Tunisia and was also used for filming the planet Tatooine in the Star Wars movies. Star Wars IV is subtitled A New Hope, and that is what I feel at the end of The X-Files movie. M&S have exposed a far-reaching conspiracy (albeit with minimal hard evidence) being perpetuated against the American people. The X-Files are being reopened, legitimized by their extreme efforts. Mulder has confessed what Scully has been wanting to hear. Season 6 is going to be...

#Those seem to be good bees

Returning to Fight the Future today is both nostalgic and satisfying. Yes, I went to the first matinee on June 19th amidst the frenzied hype, eager to see Mulder and Scully larger than life. Over the years, I can't tell you how many times I've seen it. (More than Amanda Nelligan has seen Star Wars? Okay, probably not.) But sitting down and looking into the film, the script, and the details has been revealing for something I felt I already knew so well.

I live for this kind of information. I've grappled with how to break it down and present it to you because it's a lot. A lot-lot-lot. So I'm splitting the movie after M&S are chased through the cornfield and before Scully returns for her second OPR hearing. Just a heads-up.

35,000 BC on my first watch: Am I in the right theater?

Stevie in the cave: CC uses too many 'butt' insults. That is a 'Quarantine Bubble' litter.

Scully on the roof: GA had an allergic reaction to the sunscreen they were using when filming this scene. The Syndicate chose the wrong medium for their virus.

Mulder finding the bomb: After you've seen the movie once, you realize that the guy leaving the vending machine room as Mulder enters is the bomber (aka Dark-Haired Man aka DHM). The thing I never paid attention to is all the other times he shows up. We've actually already seen him. He impersonated a prison guard in The End to kill the chessplayer's assassin. I'll point him out as he pops up again along the way.

Scully during the evacuation - then: GA gave interviews about watching back some of what was filmed early on, and she felt like her performances had been 'overacted'. Because the screen is so big, she needed to adjust to a less is more approach. (I don't have any of these interviews anymore. I'm going off my own fallible memory. For whatever reason, I've always associated it with her, "Just pick up the phone and make it happen." and "There's no time!" lines.)

The bomb vending machine - then: Hey! That guy from Millennium is going to diffuse the bomb. - now: Hey! That guy from Lost is not going to diffuse the bomb. Oh hey! Isn't that also DD's friend from Darkness Falls? (Yes, Jason Beghe, uncredited) Also, if the machine isn't plugged in, how is it lit up? I read a little bit about bombs, and I guess this isn't an error, but I still don't really get it.

Also, check out pic 4 from the Post I. Everyone is looking at the bomb. Mulder is gazing at Scully.

Script re: bomb - No little terror strike. This is Oklahoma City. Or do we say, Independence Day? (CC hated that movie, which was also about aliens and UFO's on Earth. It also has an X-Files reference, but it isn't snarky. An unscripted line, "I love the X-Files, too. I hope I get to see it.")

OPR - Who are these people? The Office of Professional Responsibility oversees internal misconduct and reports to the Attorney General's office within the Department of Justice. Both Skinner and Jana Cassidy are Assistant Directors, so presumably, the other panel members hold similar positions.

Waco and Ruby Ridge: Both are events that involved the FBI and escalated into hostage situations which resulted in the loss of lives.

'Remediation' and reassignment - reversing or stopping damage ("cited a history of problems relating back to 1993." You know that's gotta sting.)

My heart is breaking for them. They're off the X-Files already. All their work has gone up in flames. But it's not until they are being separated that Scully is ready to give it up.

Time out to thank the movie budget for wardrobe. I adore this suit of Scully's. Everything she wears in FTF is amazing, partly because it fits and shows off her hourglass figure. Partly because they aren't polyester. And those chonky heels? Fabulous. Check out Mulder while you're at it. Blue shirts under his suits? Since when? I'll even take sweaty windbreaker Mulder. You know. If I must.

Which leads me to hair. We knew S4/S5 hair was peak when taking both M&S into consideration at the same time. I feel like they got tricksy with us in S5 by changing it up a bit but still managing to get reshoots and everything done with hair that looks fresh and good. Subtlely different. Mulder's hair, in particular, isn't back to the curtain bangs and almost seems to have extra wave to it. I digress.

Casey's Bar - Mulder also urinates on the Independence Day poster, while Kurtzweil mentions being a 'fellow Traveler' with his Dad (I love that this script was written so much earlier than that episode.)

Mulder at Scully's apartment at 3 am - This scene's dialogue was leaked, but I didn't see it until the movie was almost out. I also didn't believe it, mostly because Mulder isn't much of a drinker. Besides, if Mulder did show up at Scully's door at 3 am, the fans wanted him getting her undressed.

Mulder bluffs their way into the morgue, calling him 'son.' I remember how young you looked in the Pilot...son.

Completely 'edematous' - tissue that is swollen due to the accumulation of excess fluid in the spaces between cells (and apparently, this is mispronounced by GA).

Again, from the script: "she is resigned, if not resolved," to get some answers from the body in the morgue. Do you think Mulder left her the car?

Hanta virus - This was in the news a couple of months back. (I get excited when X-Files intersects with the real world.) You don't want to catch it, but gestating an EBE is arguably worse. The real question that nobody is asking is, 'What happened to the fourth fireman?' I'd like to think Captain Miles (aka the Sheriff from Our Town) would eventually do a head count or... something. (They would lie to him, but M&S would look into it and...yada yada yada.)

I admit that I never paid much attention to the temperature thing. Bronschweig mentioned it earlier. Now, as he goes to administer the vaccine, he finds that the creature has left the fireman's body. He notes in the script a temperature in the cave of +6 while he is instructing the technicians to set the bubble litter to a steady -2. Do we see that? I might have to look again.

I also saw that he does actually manage to inject the vaccine during his attack. I wonder if anyone ever uncovered the hatch to look. CSM and WMM both seemed confident their weak vaccine would work, and Marita gave them proof of that. But hers took quite a while to take effect...

Speaking of, the Syndicate gather and it's nice to see they all made the movie. I love the addition of Strughold from the Season 3 mines (with lots and lots of files, among other things). The seque on his line is perfect, "That with which he can't live without."

Cue M&S doing what they do best. Deduction, interviewing witnesses, long car rides, Mulder leaps of faith and quips. Add in some phantom tanker trucks, f-bombs, and blooper reels. Finally, I feel like we're on track. The signs at the tracks say, "Some have tried, Some have died. Turn back -- No Trespassing."

Cornfields in the desert with big white Jiffy Pop domes. Inside the dome, there are 3000 bees ready for filming. GA and DD had the collars and cuffs of their clothing glued to their skin to keep the bees out. The irony.

There is a moment when Mulder is pulling his jacket over his head, and his silhouette always reminds me of a flamingo. Pic #8 above isn't perfectly timed, but it's pretty close. You're welcome.

Then they are back out in the corn, this time with black helicopters. GA was not a fan of running behind DD and getting whapped in the face by the leaves. I did note that she keeps one hand up in front of her face the entire time she's in the field.

Tell me you can't hear him when you look at that last pic. 😂

"Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing,

there is a field. I’ll meet you there.

When the soul lies down in that grass,

the world is too full to talk about.

Ideas, language, even the phrase each other

doesn’t make any sense."

Like so many others, I'm incredibly triggered when it comes to "The field where I died", so much in fact that I can't bring myself to rewatch it. The idea of a completely random person who is then never mentioned (or thought of) again being revealed as Mulder's soulmate, while Scully is relegated to the role of a sort of daddy figure or spiritual guide is ridiculous. And I know the whole meta level (discontinuity in txf) explains the absurdity of it, and maybe to be a Virgil to one's Dante is no small thing -- still, if anyone matches the very definition of kindred souls (the Italian calls them "anime gemelle", twin souls, the German "Seelenverwandte", soul relatives but really more next-of-kin souls, just to indicate how other languages define this unique closeness) it has to be Scully and Mulder.

Oddly, when I first read the episode's title "The field where I died" so many years ago I immediately thought of Rumi's famous line in his poem "A Great Wagon" -- "Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing,/there is a field. I’ll meet you there." -- and my headcanon still has it so, and it fixes the whole TFWID mess; and tells me that it is truly them who meet in that field full of contradictions where everything leads to one thing in the end -- one truth, one decision, the (larger than William's paternity) "truth we both know", the truth Scully speaks of in "All things", and the one Mulder ponders upon in "The field where I died". This poem for me is so much, and is everything in relation to MSR.

A Great Wagon

When I see your face, the stones start spinning!

You appear; all studying wanders.

I lose my place.

Water turns pearly.

Fire dies down and doesn’t destroy.

In your presence I don’t want what I thought

I wanted, those three little hanging lamps.

Inside your face the ancient manuscripts

Seem like rusty mirrors.

You breathe; new shapes appear,

and the music of a desire as widespread

as Spring begins to move

like a great wagon.

Drive slowly.

Some of us walking alongside

are lame!

~

Today, like every other day, we wake up empty

and frightened. Don’t open the door to the study

and begin reading. Take down a musical instrument.

Let the beauty we love be what we do.

There are hundreds of ways to kneel and kiss the ground.

~

Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing,

there is a field. I’ll meet you there.

When the soul lies down in that grass,

the world is too full to talk about.

Ideas, language, even the phrase each other

doesn’t make any sense.

~

The breeze at dawn has secrets to tell you.

Don’t go back to sleep.

You must ask for what you really want.

Don’t go back to sleep.

People are going back and forth across the doorsill

where the two worlds touch.

The door is round and open.

Don’t go back to sleep.

I would love to kiss you.

The price of kissing is your life.

Now my loving is running toward my life shouting,

What a bargain, let’s buy it.

~

Daylight, full of small dancing particles

and the one great turning, our souls

are dancing with you, without feet, they dance.

Can you see them when I whisper in your ear?

~

They try to say what you are, spiritual or sexual?

They wonder about Solomon and all his wives.

In the body of the world, they say, there is a soul

and you are that.

But we have ways within each other

that will never be said by anyone.

~

Come to the orchard in Spring.

There is light and wine, and sweethearts

in the pomegranate flowers.

If you do not come, these do not matter.

If you do come, these do not matter.

-- Rumi

I've noted once before what a profound effect Scully has on Mulder's emotional journey with healing and grief (see here how One Breath transforms him and his emotional outlet); but there is a key part of that healing process that is just as important.

Fox Mulder is known for his softer side: a masculine man comfortable with feminine displays of affection and empathy. However, even though it was always his nature-- reaching out to Scully often, pulling at her necklace, smoothing her hair, engaging her eye contact-- Mulder never physically comforted someone in their distress or immense grief before Scully.

I broke down his dynamics with his mother (see here) but, in short, he was her caretaker since Samantha's disappearance: tucking her in, speaking calmly and gently to soothe her nerves, and other minute mannerisms that bled into his other human interactions. But there was always an affectionate distance.

It wasn't until Scully that he learned how to sweep a vulnerable, distressed, or grieving person into a comforting hug.

#So much I would want to say