Voices Beneath

You grew up too fast and all you know is the calluses on your fists and the thousand invisible scars that you pretend don't ache. Your anger burns so bright, so hot or maybe not at all, so deep you could never tell it was there. You are yours and you will defend that to the death after so many years of being ripped apart and denied your own agency and maybe you are still facing the bastards who stole your innocence but you will survive because that's the only thing you know how to do without breaking, the only thing you know besides protect, protect, protect, protect, yourself or sometimes those few others you claim as yours. You are a thousand sharp edges but impenetrable, a traumatized child so covered by thorny armor that you promised yourself you're grown now, you're stronger than anyone who has ever hurt you. You're safe. Nothing will ever hurt you again. You're so alone though sometimes, in a world that sees you as too much or too broken or too angry or too hurt, and you want to scream with the too-much of it, prove that you're okay, that you're self-reliant, that you are strong enough to stake your claim on your body, on your mind, on your heart, on your people, and protect it from any who dare take it away from you. You are the sea in tempest, a howling sky, a tsunami in motion, a force of nature, no matter how much you sometimes yearn to be still, to be safe, to be small. You are a dandelion, stubborn and determined to grow in the rockiest of soil, and bloom again in spring.

tagged by: @destroyedsectheir​ ( You get a Jin Ling ) 

You leave an impression wherever you go. Your heart is so strong, so determined, so willing to go after whatever hole you see in the world, whatever wound you need to fix next. You're there. You're justice, hot red and pure gold, fairness incarnate, a paladin in shining armor come to protect and cleanse and heal and yet sometimes you wonder if you're the most corrupt, dirty being in the world, a fraud, a monster in hero's clothing. The world is so intense and you are so small, so fragile, and no matter how hard you try you're never good enough. You want to be good. You want to be good enough. You try so hard and yet the world is so dark and angry and cruel. Perfection is always just out of reach and you want things to be okay so bad you bleed with it. You just want things to be right, to be good, to be fair, but you don't know if they ever can be. If you can ever be.

I was tagged by @storiestotell​ | Have a Jingyi |

stare stare them down.

They were at an impasse they were always at an impasse did Lan Wangji have more then two facial expressions ? It was a question for the ages. Wei Ying seemed to think he was hilarious. Wei Ying was also dropped on his head as a child. He was ninety percent certain about that. Purple eyes did not drop and he did not show a sign of backing down. How they had wound up in this stare off was beyond him.

Ah, no he had shown up and gotten close to Wei Wuxian to speak to him.

Lan Wangji acted like he was hitting on his wife. Jiang Cheng would have pointed this out to him but he didn't bother he merely sneered. "Second Jade." he greeted and he made that sound like an insult the way he growled it out. Jiang Cheng was not above being petty. This man had stolen his brother from him, so he felt he had every right to be like this.

Of course he, also conveniently forgot that he had been the one to break ties with the former Jiang Clan head-disciple. Still, letting go was hard , especially for Jiang Cheng who had already lost so many people. Jin Ling kept pushing him to bring him over for dinner. All the juniors hinted at it in their own way.

"To what do I owe the pleasure ?" he drawled out  it was clear there was no joy from the visit but he was polite in his greeting even if he was so polite it bordered on insulting.

open hold the door open for them.

He was not in a hurry as he made his way along the ever present fan in his hand but not opened. It was kept closed as he observed. He was doing what had been suggested to him and getting a good feel the common folk, and how they lived. He was never with out bodyguards but the two Nie disciples were hidden in the crowd. One could not sit at the center of a web and not keep an eye out for vibrations.

Under most circumstances he would have not allowed anyone to hold a door open for him. He was capable, but this young woman had caught one of the double doors before he could. It was only polite to allow a lady in first, and yet she had beaten him to it. She was not likely of the upper class. She had not tried to be simpering or flounce because the Head Cultivator had not paid her any mind.

He offered a little bow "Thank you." he stated and flipped her a silver nugget the size of his thumb from up his sleeve. "What do you suggest as far as local cuisine?" he inquired. Since he had a feeling she was just stepping into the place to either get away from the chill, or to shop as well. The silver nugget was well worth some advice on what to eat, when the man had not been here before. So she wound up holding the door for him. 

How awkward.  

Gray eyes watched her over the fan that flawlessly with out a blink snapped open and fluttered up to hide his features. He peeked at her over the fan. Hoping she would hurry in since that was a failing in his etiquette. 

It was a time of Harvest and he had chosen to slip away from his duties and go be among the common folk. His advisors assumed he was in meditation and his personal guard would allow no one into his private chambers. Being a Sect leader had one or two perks, like being able to escape for short periods of time, and he would meditate---but later. 

This had absolutely nothing to do with the fact that Sizhui had sent him a butterfly saying he was in the area and might like to drop in on Jin Ling for tea if Jin Ling was willing. He was more then willing he could come stay forever, as far as Jin Ling was concerned. He just couldn’t quiet get those words out though. 

He found the young man at the local Tea House and pretty much dropped in on him quiet literally. Someone had left something on the floor and the normally dexterous boy went into a controlled slide across the floor. Thank the gods for reflexes. He had managed to only teeter a little by the time he got to the table with the older boy. 

“So...there is a Harvest Festival.” he said and kicked himself that was not smooth. “Are you doing anything important...?” he asked looking around. “Want to go ?” he blurted out and immediately resisted the urge to face palm because none of that came out the way he heard it in his head.