the skill of going "jesus i just dont fucking care" and scrolling on

Janaina Medeiros

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Today's Document
almost home

çĽćĽ / Permanent Vacation
he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
Jules of Nature

Origami Around
DEAR READER
Aqua Utopiaď˝ćľˇăŽĺşă§č¨ćśăç´Ąă
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romaâ

ellievsbear
Keni
Cosmic Funnies
PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH


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@vnrealityfreak
the skill of going "jesus i just dont fucking care" and scrolling on

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small fandom problems: being fucking obsessed with this visual novel romance otome/choose your own adventure game for its storytelling and worldbuilding and character stuff and not having ANYONE to nerd out with about it because I know my people wouldn't be interested so I'm not going to try to make any of them read it even though I'm actually obsessed to the point that I'm working on a personal project where I translate the format from vn to essentially a novelisation (that I want to share online but absolutely cannot and will not for ethical reasons relating to purchased bonus content being included in the adaptation and like straight-up plagiarism) so like I'm constantly engaging with the canon and making little tweaks to my personal "official" version of the story to further personalise it bc no one else is ever going to see it and I'm also working on a few fanfics that I can share once they're complete but during the ideation and writing process I have no one to bandy ideas about with re: characterisation and how to translate nonhuman and magical characters into a human and mundane setting and things that I USED TO BE ABLE TO DO WITH HOMESTUCK BECAUSE HOMESTUCK WAS A MALIGNANT INFECTION AND EVERYBODY AND THEIR GRANDMA WAS SHARING THEORIES AND AUS AND GENDERSWAP ART AND SMUT AND WHAT-IF SCENARIOS AND KINKMEME PROMPTS AND CHARACTER STUDIES AND AUGH I'M FINE, IT'S FINE
did a write for the first time in over a decade. i had noodled around with skyrim ocs for a bit in the mid 2010s but i never actually got around to writing fic for them, and the last time i posted something for homestuck on ao3 was fucking 2013, which feels weird. getting older is weird.
anyway i became obsessed with a dating sim and had to make it sapphic so here's that. it's probably readable for people unfamiliar with the source material? if i did my job right?
no idea if anyone is still following me here but might as well share!
kthxbye <3
I know folks have been sharing this link on other posts, but &udm=14 works well:
You can add it as an extension to Firefox now: https://addons.mozilla.org/en-US/firefox/addon/udm14/reviews/
Three types of protagonists:
Pursues reasonable goals with unreasonable methods Â
Has sensible plans, but tremendously fucks up the execution Â
Relentlessly competent in pursuit of goals that are objectively deranged
But also:
Black Star
Death The Kid
Maka Albarn
well at least the goal is reasonable in Black Starâs mind

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me: i donât want to see jellyfish so i will blacklist the tag #jellyfish
people with no common sense: je11yf1sh, je11ÂĽfi5h, j*llyf*sh, je//Ăżf!sh, j3ĂŻ||yfÂĄsh, gel lee fisk
result: cannot account for the sheer amount of possible ways to alter the word jellyfish
conclusion: i have to see jellyfish now.
Once again, tumblr is not tiktok, tag properly.
iâve been on hold at my library for a book about asexuality for a few weeks and i just read an article about some concepts in the book re: consent. and holy shit. blew my mind. iâve NEVER read about consent in the context of a relationship with an ace and an allo that resonated so strongly with me, and as a person in such a relationship!! itâs so!!! iâm even more excited for the book now.
for anyone interested, the article is How to Negotiate Better Consent: An Asexual Perspective and the book iâm waiting for is Ace: What Asexuality Reveals About Desire, Society and the Meaning of Sex.
god okay, just to gush about this more, the author suggests using the categories of enthusiastic, willing, unwilling and coerced consent (rather than just âenthusiastic consentâ or âno means noâ). i really recommend reading the whole article linked above, but what blew my mind is the distinction between enthusiastic and willing consent. it gets broken down like this:
Enthusiastic consent:
When I want you
When I donât fear the consequences of saying yes OR saying no
When saying no means missing out on something I want
Willing consent:
When I care about you though I donât desire you (right now)
When Iâm pretty sure saying yes will have an okay result and I think maybe that Iâd regret saying no
When I believe that desire may begin after I say yes
and like!!! it made me realize i may have never actually enthusiastically consented in my life, but like, that doesnât mean i have never or cannot consent! i almost always fall into the âwilling consentâ framework and iâve never seen thatâŚ.validated anywhere. anyway, itâs just given me this perspective about my sexuality and consent in general and better ways to relate to my partner and!!! idk!!! thank goodness for other ace people, is what iâm saying.
This is very useful and a lot of sex work can also be best understood as willing consent, where the indirect consequences of having sex (getting paid) are what is desired and the direct consequences (having probably-mediocre sex with someone you donât actively desire) are not considered so negative that they outweigh the indirect consequences.
Which is a definition of consent that gives sex workers agency and sees their consent as a choice made again and again based on the pros and cons, not something that is coerced and also not something that always exists by default simply because they are sex workers.
Recognizing willing consent is probably validating for a lot of people who have consent to sex without meeting the definition of enthusiastic consent.Â
Oh
How much does a box of paper weigh?
Oh âŚ
I love how all these reblogs from ableds are like âboxes of paper are 20 pounds GOTCHAâ as if every single person in a 60-person workplace needs to be able to lift a box of paper.
âWhatâs that, James? You tore your rotator cuff? Sorry, we have to let you go. What if the printer needed to be refilled and the other 200 people in this building were home sick? It just wouldnât be fair.â
I deserve more intellectually challenging low-effort justifications for bigotry. Please try harder next time. 1/10.
hi! iâm a secretary with a lifelong congenital back issue that i had fixed via surgery.
the first thing i want to point out is that the box of paper that @bransrathâ posted is not the weight of the box. the 20 lb in that description is the paper weight, which is the amount of force a piece of paper can take before tearing. i know this because itâs described as copy paper, and copy paper is by default 20 lb weight. so posting that picture as a âgotchaâ in response to this post is ignorant at best and intentionally ableist at worst. in reality, that box probably weighs no more than 15 lbs.Â
secondly, i have never had to actually pick up one of these boxes ever. and i have to deal with them a lot, given that iâm a secretary who, prior to the pandemic, was printing off 1000+ pages of booklets per week. iâve never had to pick these up because you can literally just open them, grab a ream of paper, and take it to the printer to load it in. thereâs no fucking reason why you would need the whole box. most places, like my office, also store them on or near the ground because theyâre heavy, so what i do is a just drag the boxes to their designated corner until they need to be used.Â
so âmust be able to lift 20 lbsâ is a tactic of discrimination, and thereâs no excuse for it in office jobs like mine. i canât actually lift more than 15 lbs and chances are, iâll never be able to lift more than 20 lbs. i can still do all the duties of my secretary job, though, and itâs really easy to find work arounds for things like heavy boxes of paper. even i can, and my office literally employs 3 people including me. a weight limit is not a reason to deny someone a job.Â
At my job these are delivered on a dolly and we open the boxes in the spot theyâre dropped and unload the paper one ream at a time. No one, not even the warehouse staff who specialize in heavy lifting, lifts these boxesâŚ
when I was younger, I used to think true love was tumultuous and intense. but now, I feel like real love is gentle. passionate in a soft, sweet way. not fireworks and drama, but a love thatâs like coming home, the breeze on a still summer day. a balm to the aches of the world.
The Point of Affinity Networks -or- Why picking up groceries for your neighbor is actually useful as a form of direct action
So in the notes and replies and tags of some of my recent posts Iâve been seeing a few people saying âWhatâs the point of getting groceries for my neighbor if Iâm about to lose access to life-saving medical care? Why should I help the terrible old jackass down the street by lending him my tools if heâs just going to vote away my right to access reproductive care?â and.
A few years ago my spouse was setting up a volunteer radio and emergency response group and he started reading a prepper blog that I *hated* because it was taking the concept of community-building and making it Machiavellian. This blog was talking about why you should help out neighbors who you knew to be Mormon because they were likely to have good survival supplies, why you should have your kids volunteer to mow the lawns of the elderly folks at church so that more people knew you and liked your family.
And it just felt so *shitty.* And I ended up ranting to my spouse about it because it was shitty! âItâs, like, weaponizing kindness or something! Just be good people, itâs so fucking weird that youâre trying to get on your neighborâs good side in case of the apocalypse!â
Guys. Picking up groceries for your neighbor is getting on their good side in case of the apocalypse.
Iâve recently moved to a new neighborhood. I walk my dog here about four times a day.
I have adopted four surrogate mothers in the last two months. There are several elderly white ladies who check in with me about how my husband is doing and talk to me about how cute my dog is.
You know whoâs going to be a good person to be friends with if I lose my job, or if I need someone to watch my dog because my husband is hospitalized, or if I need some cash to buy food because itâs the end of the month?
FOUR ELDERLY WHITE LADIES WHO THINK IâM JUST THE SWEETEST THING.
You know who is probably going to have access to prescription medication if I lose my health insurance? FOUR. WEALTHY. ELDERLY. WHITE. LADIES.
And I hate that I have to explain it that way because I didnât go out and be like âmuahahaha, Iâll befriend Bertie and sheâll let me use her air compressor if Iâve got a flatâ I went out and was like âHey I like your rabbit and itâs nice to meet you and that package looks heavy, can I help you carry it inside?â and I was like âLaurel, itâs good to see you, how are the kids; oh Otto needs his meds from the vet, do you want me to go grab them tonight? Iâve got to pick up dog food anyway.â
And look, this is a long con.
Could I flip Diane into lying to her GP to get me an inhaler today? No. But I can walk around the neighborhood with my exclusively black wardrobe and a âdefund the policeâ tee shirt and then maybe those scary Atifas on the teevee donât look like a faceless horde, they kind of look like Alli - you know, the one with the pink hair and the little white dog - from down the way who crocheted you a potholder because she had some extra yarn.
So hereâs a simple set of reasons why itâs a good idea to befriend your neighbors and do shit like offer to walk their dogs, pick up their groceries, water their plants when theyâre out of town, or provide emergency childcare:
BURST BUBBLES - I think people are frequently less ideologically isolated than the news likes to make out but nonetheless I look pretty weird to my neighbors and they look pretty weird to me. Offering to do shit like pick up their groceries humanizes you, and therefore people who are like you, to them. Also if you are dealing with elderly folks you MAY be dealing with people whose only source of contact with the outside world right now is Fox News and YouTube and it is MUCH better that they talk to you than that they sit there and watch Hannity for another hour or get into Qanon.
BUILD A SOCIAL SAFETY NET - Look, I couldnât get Laurel to get me an inhaler right now, but if I knocked on her door with a broken arm sheâd drive me to the hospital. That hasnât been true of most of the places Iâve lived because I havenât known the neighbors as well. And that is kind of a huge deal that I think a lot of people overlook. YEAH, getting to know your neighbors isnât going to get your health insurance back but itâs going to make you WAY less stressed spending five hours waiting at the free clinic because Bertie is making sure your dog has food and water and can go for a short walk. âI donât have a car and I canât afford an ambulance and the buses arenât runningâ - honey, try to make friends with your neighbors. Most neighbors who are even vague, wave-as-you-pass-by-on-the-street neighbors wonât begrudge you a ride to the hospital; someone youâve picked up groceries for will DEFINITELY drive you to the hospital.
REDUCE THE IRON GRIP OF INDIVIDUALIST CAPITALISM - The HOA here is kind of a giant dick about weeds and yard management and what this means is that I bought a hedge clipper. What this also means is that my new neighbors next door do not need a hedge clipper because as soon as they moved in I was like âhey, welcome, I live next door, itâs great to meet you - if you ever need anything let me know; Iâve got gardening supplies and power tools and stuff or if you need a furniture dolly or anything, just ask. Have some banana bread, and a great day.â Bertie does have an air compressor. She does let people use it if they need to; this means that I do not have to buy an air compressor. Youâve got some free boxes because you just finished moving? Put âem out front so that someone else doesnât have to go buy boxes. Laurel gave me a bag of pears from her tree, I gave a set of dog stairs that my dog hates to Andie, guess where I got a free motherfucking grill?
LEARN AND TEACH COMMUNITY SELF RELIANCE - If Bertie and Laurel and Andie and Diane and Susan know they can call me to come snake their toilets or fix their computers they donât have to call out for that. Bertie is teaching me about not killing plants and how to garden in Las Vegas, Andie is willing to share her dumbbell set, etc, etc. You know that this sort of thing is really great for? Exchanging numbers with your neighbors. You know why you want your neighbors to have your number? So they donât call the fucking cops on you for a noise complaint or report you to the HOA because they know you well enough to just call you instead.
RADICALIZE YOUR NEIGHBORS - Look, buddy, they arenât going to listen to your ideas about a bright, better future if they donât fucking know you. NONE of these folks are about to go do jail support with me, or host someone who needs a safe place to stay for an abortion, however ALL of them are a lot more open to the idea of mutual aid than they were three months ago and Iâve got one completely fucking flipped on her stance about providing housing to the homeless and sheâs stopped calling the cops on people sleeping on benches in the park. Changing peopleâs minds sucks. It takes forever. Itâs shitty, boring, unexciting work that puts you in contact with people you probably disagree with pretty strongly. It feels like youâre not accomplishing anything. But goddamnit if teaching ONE of your neighbors to be compassionate to unhoused people, at least enough to not call the cops on them, works even ONE time and someone doesnât go to jail one time, or doesnât get their belongings trashed one time, then youâre doing good fucking work.
So no, friend, picking up groceries for your neighbor isnât going to save the ACA or protect abortion access - not in any direct, meaningful, noticeable way. But it might save you the cost of an ambulance ride. It might save someone else from getting arrested. Hell, if you teach your neighbors not to call the cops it might keep someone from getting shot. And thatâs worth it.
SOME CAVEATS:
Donât feel bad if you canât build these kinds of affinity networks or if people donât respond to you; some neighborhoods just arenât like that, some people are just standoffish.
Donât feel bad if you canât do this kind of thing because of social anxiety or limited mobility. Itâs okay, friend, not everybody can go out and meet people.
Donât feel bad if you canât do this kind of thing because it is unsafe for you to do so. Some people live among virulent racists, some peopleâs only neighbors are raging homophobes. Donât endanger yourself, donât feel bad for keeping yourself and your family safe if reaching out to your neighbors makes you a target.
Donât feel bad if you canât do this for any reason. Itâs difficult and often unpleasant and youâre not obligated to, this post isnât to guilt-trip anybody into going out to radicalize their neighbors, itâs an explanation of why small instances of interpersonal action can be a useful longterm strategy and shouldnât be handwaved as pie-in-the-sky UwU lefty pipedreams.

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If you really care about preventing government tyranny, your #1 priority must be making sure criminals have rights.
And that's not a joke or an exaggeration.
If criminals don't have rights, then all the government has to do is find some excuse to label people as criminals, and those people will no longer have rights. It's what literally every tyrannical government in all of history has done.
If you believe that people who break the law should forfeit their rights, you're literally as pro-tyranny as a person can get.
i was re-reading âhow to talk so little kids will listenâ earlier today, and it reminded me of how much of our culture is so thoroughly punitive â every facet of the way we behave, and expect others to behave, is connected by the concept of punishment. there has been a rise in respectful parenting theory in the past 40-ish years that goes directly against this punitive parenting style.
i have some books that have helped me with respectful parenting here:
https://www.goodreads.com/review/list/2168390?shelf=parenting
â
something i was thinking in my re-read of this book earlier today is how my first impulse while parenting tends to be a reactionary, punitive impulse. sure, you might be patient when the kid is being cute and you have lots of energy. but on an off day? you have to fight against what youâve learned. even if the kid does something incredibly naughty.
i was reminded of a time when my kid was left alone with the cat, and she started rubbing lotion all over the cat. i think she thought she was doing something nice for her; she was only 2.5 at the time. when i saw the cat, my anxiety spiked. i spoke to her sternly and had her help me clean up the cat, but i was wracked with fear and nervousness â âoh no, what if the cat licks herself and gets sick? what if the cat dies? what if the cat dies because of what my kid did?â i started to feel like just talking to my kid about it wasnât enough⌠should we say, âtime outâ? no dessert? no more cat? no more trips to the bakery? i promised myself i would never spank, but inside, there was a part of me that felt like spanking!! thatâs what my parents did!
but after i stewed for a while, i came to my senses. my kid was just being a kid. little kids have no impulse control! but me? iâm an adult, i should have known better! it was really my fault for leaving the kid and the lotion and the cat all together, unsupervised. in a way, my strong reaction to her behavior was just myself projecting the guilt at having a bad parenting moment onto her.Â
how effective is punitive speech, and punitive acts?
do you think she would have learned something if i had hit her? or locked her in her room? or took away her snacks? (these are not what those in the respectful parenting community would call natural consequences â these are just unconnected punishments, things that have nothing to do with the cat.)
no. i still would have had a lotioned cat.
what if i had lectured? yelled? gone on at length about how terribly naughty it was, and what a bad girl she was?
no. i still would have had a lotioned cat.
the actual consequence in this instance was for me. because i messed up. the natural consequence: now i have to clean up the damn cat and put the lotion where my kid canât reach it⌠and supervise the kid more closely, because sheâs only a toddler.
my kid felt bad as soon as she saw how bad i felt. she didnât show it at the moment â just nervous laughter. but i could tell she felt bad, and sure enough, later that night, she cried about it, and we got to talk more about how the lotion was not good for the cat, and how i was going to put it out of her reach for now.
and thatâsâŚ. enough.
it really is.
and itâs so fucking hard to wrap your mind around it. because our entire culture revolves around law and order, crime and punishment! if people mess up, hurt them! lock them away! demolish their self-esteem!
none of that shit helps anyone. it only feels good as a short-term solution.
in the long-term? we have to start believing in the inherent preciousness of every life. it will be hard as fuck to change our collective mindset. but we have to do it. because everything is connected to it, from huge things like climate change, all the way down to a little toddler learning how to interact with a cat.
once you see it, youâll see the punitive attitude in everything. youâll see how little it actually fixes. and hopefully youâll become an abolitionist too.
it's "i was amab" not "i am amab"
it's not just a grammar thing. gender assignment at birth is something that is done to people. not something people are. it's a social force. it's not just 'biological sex' again. this distinction is very important and it's why we use agab language over birth sex language. don't forget.
i think the steve jobs âreality distortion fieldâ thing has less to do with him having superhuman charismatic abilities and more to do with him holding vastly more wealth than everyone around him and direct control over the livelihoods of his employees
âsteve jobs was so charismatic he could reject a proposal from an employee and then propose the same idea to them again later and make them think it was his ideaâ or maybe the employee just didnât want to get into an argument with the guy who ran the entire company he worked for. just a thought
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This is what Rasputin would've wanted.