Worlds best sorcerer

sources: unknown // unknown // maplepecanpastry on tumblr // ashmanathletics on tiktok // i saw the tv glow (2024) // pray for me by kendrick lamar // unknown // what are you waiting for? by derald cannon jr. // unknown // unknown // drunk drivers/killer whales by car seat headrest // polekingrasputin on instagram

I actually really liked reading Archie as a child so this feels appropriate

You watched as every other demon in the room yawned, too.

Lucifer had the grace to cover his mouth with a gloved hand. His deep voice always made for a very pleasant yawn.

Mammon moved his arm as if to cover his mouth, but changed his mind halfway and instead stretched it above his head, which he threw back to yawn into the air. It looked very satisfying.

Leviathan kept both hands firmly on his D.D.D. No yawn, nor hiccup, nor sneeze would break his full combo, even if his yawn was very vocal.

A tear appeared in the corner of Satan's eye when he quietly yawned. He wiped it away, then wiped his finger off on his pants before turning the page of his novel.

Asmodeus used the back of his hand to cover his yawn. It was very classy, and his pinky finger stuck out a bit from his other fingers.

Beelzebub had some food stuck in his teeth, which were visible when he yawned. You noted that everyone's teeth looked pointier than usual with their mouths wide open. He ended his yawn by smacking his lips.

Diavolo even lets you pilfer all of the pillow mints and tiny shampoos. He calls it compensation for having to share a room with him, as all of the adjacent suites sell out fast. Or, so he says.

The only thing that bugs you is etiquette. You never quite know how to act in certain situations, or how to publicly bring something to the prince's attention when there's something important to say.

"Lord Diavolo," you say, hesitantly interrupting his discussion with a delegation of noble vampires.

"Yes? Why so formal? You are not one of my denizens," he reminds you. "You know you can drop the title."

You hesitate before you address him again. "Diavolo."

He appears delighted when he replies, "Yes?"

"It's not that I dislike it, but, uh... I'm worried for your public image if you keep patting me like this."

"Hm?"

With only one arm needed for firm handshakes, Diavolo's other hand naturally drifted to your head, where he kept giving you plenty of headpats.

You don't think the prince is conscious of it. It's a habit he forgets to shake when the two of you aren't alone, and a habit that makes your hair all messy. You look more like a pet than an official representative of the human world.

Lucifer, lightly touching MC with the side of his foot: "MC, move out of the way please so I don’t trip on you."

Don't look down, you thought to yourself. The prince was in demon form for official business and you were helping during a quick break. You handed him a cup of water and took a step back. Don't look down.

"Is something the matter?" he asked perceptively. You didn't usually keep your distance.

"Nothing," you lied. You pretended to be fixated on a corner of the wall. It was a great corner.

Diavolo immediately clocked your dishonesty and took a step closer. "Did something happen while I was busy?"

"Not at all," you assured. You bravely looked him in the eye and earnestly explained, "everyone here has been really accommodating. They're treating me as part of your entourage."

"Well, that's a relief," he said. Diavolo brought the water to his lips. As he drank, your eyes slid down to his navel. The prince took a gulp and you swiveled your head back towards the ceiling.

Diavolo raised an eyebrow and followed your gaze. There was nothing on the ceiling. He took another step closer, causing you to tense up. It was hard not to see all the skin he was showing.

"Is this form bothering you?"

"Not at all." Your voice cracked as you tried to say, "It's very majestic."

Diavolo laughed. Out of the corner of your eye, you could see the laugh spread out from his stomach, rippling muscles as it spread upwards. He placed the empty cup in your hand. It was warm.

"If you have an interest in demon forms, I can help you get used to mine later." He stretched his wings and rolled his shoulders, preparing to get back to work.

You determined his pants must be staying up with magic. There was no way they could hang that low despite all of the movement, and be that loose, without revealing his crown jewels. Magic had to be involved. The cloth around his waist looked like it would expose everything with one quick tug, but there was no way the royal family would risk that happening. Mysterious forces had to be at play.

You didn't realize you were staring intensely until Diavolo laughed again and ruffled your hair. It startled you.

Your image caption read, "btw when you're being mean to me, this is who you're being mean to."

No hashtags. People would find it anyway.

It was a normal photo. You thought the light was kind of flattering and you captured a decent angle. You didn't look special, though. You were center frame, in your everyday RAD uniform, making a peace sign with your fingers. You hoped most demons understood what a peace sign was.

Beside you were the Seven Rulers of Hell. Their presence looked so relaxed that any common demon who was used to their cold and untouchable visages would immediately do a double-take.

Lucifer had his hand on your shoulder in a gentle yet possessive grip. Next to him was Mammon, reaching over to put his sunglasses on your face. Beelzebub rested his chin on the crown of your head as Asmodeus gave the two of you bunny ears with his fingers. Leviathan poked out from under your arm, which was linked around Satan's elbow. The top half of Belphegor's head barely made it in the frame. He was crouched under Lucifer, grabbing on to the side of your shirt and partially blocked by your hand that was taking the selfie.

Leviathan laughed. It reminded him of a low-level defense from a tower defense game. "Is that supposed to keep us out? lol."

"Yeah. I think it's working," you said.

Satan put a hand on his hip. As far as he could tell, it was plain old table salt. No magical properties whatsoever. "How so?"

"Well, none of you are crossing it. Clearly, it's having some kind of effect."

Mammon balked. "Obviously, it's because we're respectin' your privacy!" He stood closest to the line, wanting to cross it most of all.

"You're respecting my privacy by... standing right outside my door?"

Mammon opened his mouth to counter, only to come up with nothing. He stood there with his fists clenched. The feather on his belt swayed as he tapped a foot impatiently, causing the nearest salt to shift a little.

The noise annoyed Asmodeus. "Mammon, go walk through the salt."

"Why me!?"

"This is ridiculous." Lucifer crossed his arms. "Clean this up. I don't even want to know how this will damage the floors if you leave it."

"It's not even doing anything," Satan pointed out.

"If it's not doing anything, then one of you should cross it," you suggested.

"Why don't you come out to us?" Belphegor proposed. "There's only one of you, seems more fair."

"Yeah!" Asmodeus took a step away from the salt, careful not to get any on his shoes, and raised his hands. "You can run into my arms if you'd like. I'll be sure to catch you."

Their stubbornness astounded you. "Or... You guys can just admit you don't want to cross this salt."

"It's regular salt." Beelzebub knew exactly what the substance was as soon as he laid eyes on it. Plus, the smell was unmistakable. His claim was irrefutable.

"Yes, exactly. Thank you, Beel. I've seen you eat it many times." You had even taken the bag from the shared kitchen.

"Did you try walking over it?" Leviathan asked. "How are we supposed to cross it if you won't?"

"I don't need to. I'm in my room."

"You should come to our room," Belphegor offered. He was getting tired of standing around.

"Come out this instant," Lucifer ordered.

You thought about it for a whopping two seconds. "I think I'm good. I'll be in my room. If any of you need me, feel free to come in."

summary: you didn't ask to be here, and now on top of being thrust into a new world, you're sick. Great. You plan to just tough it out like you normally do, but the demon you're under care of has other plans.

pairing: Mammon (Obey Me) x gn! reader

cw: none.

note: ending is kinda meh, based off of me rn and how I didn't want to go to school today </3

wc: 1.4k

Master List

Someone must have cursed you. Not only were you transported into the demon realm, filled with beings that either wanted to kill you or wanted nothing to do with you, but you also found yourself sick. Not deathly ill, but that irritating stuffy nosed sickness that left you sneezing too frequently, coughing every so often, and brain running one second behind everyone else. Even worse, you knew if you missed any of your classes you would be completely lost. At least in the human realm you had context in case you wanted had to miss class, but here in devildom you were completely lost. Some things seemed backwards at times and you were already lost as you were in class, you couldn’t afford to make things even worse, the thought of Lucifer being unhappy with you was enough motivation to push through the grogginess you felt.