Mimimosa

it's been weeks, months, even. you reference it to your friends, and they've honestly grown somewhat tired of you saying it all the time.

"kaiser scored three goals. and one of them? one of them was a hattrick."

it's silly, honestly. you shouldn't exactly be making fun of an analysis as to what happened in the match with germany versus costa rica in the u-20 world cup. the person was trying hard to make it sound easier for non-soccer fans who just liked seeing your boyfriend on the screen... but you can't help but find it funny.

one of them was a hattrick.

your boyfriend scored three goals... and one of them was a hattrick.

now, as kaiser's residential, chronically online girl failure, it was definitely your obligation to speak out references to him just to see that look of confusion that'd have you rolling on the floor laughing if it wasn't for him cuddling you tightly the moment afterward.

you were at his place, as usual (he never let you go back to your dingy apartment, he honestly saw that place as an insult), and you're laying down while he's analyzing players in matches. you look at him zooming in on isagi yoichi, and you can't help yourself:

"are you more in love with that guy? you should just marry him at this point."

kaiser's already in a bad mood due to isagi winning against the nigerian team, and your comment made his anger come tenfold.

"y'know... i feel like this relationship is spiritually polyamorous."

he feels a vein pop on his forehead, and that's when you decide to play the match highlights on your phone. you're kind of like a sloth, doing everything and nothing at the same time at an incredibly slow pace. you were quite tired, after all. kaiser had practically manhandled you from the grocery store to hang out with him (it had the cashiers in concern, but you had to assure them that you were in a loving, healthy relationship with your superstar soccer boyfriend).

"oh my goshhhh, match highlights!" you watch it lazily: opportunity awoken.

"hm? are you watching the match, schatz?"

"yeah. you're lowkey pretty good."

"lowkey? it's not obvious?"

"nope."

his panties are so in a twist that you are on the verge of laughing. instead, you just cough a little to get rid of suspicion that you're laughing at his face.

"you know... i saw you score three goals. and one of them was a hat trick."

"what the fuck, schatz?"

"what? am i not wrong? you scored three goals. and one of them was a hat trick!"

he stares at you as if you've gone insane. you're on the verge of collapsing on the floor with tears in your eyes and a cheeky grin.

"schatz. you haven't been on tiktok again, have you?"

"huh?"

oh my gosh. he actually understood an internet reference. that alone wanted to make you laugh more, but he just walks up to you, gently scoops you up in his arms, and slings you over his shoulder like a potato sack while he goes to the fridge to get some soda.

"i thought you weren't chronically online."

"i am, but this shit's been going everywhere. it's fucking stupid."

"excuse me, but i found that video to be hilarious."

"yeah, well that's because your sense of humor is irredeemably broken."

"please, it's not that bad."

"it is."

he gets his soda, and he drops you down on the sofa. you grab your phone, and you can't help but show him that video.

"in the latest match in the u-20 world cup, with germany versus costa rica, michael kaiser scores 3 goals! and one of them's a hat trick!"

he groans, and he covers his eyes, as if that was going to be as sufficient as bleach. he really wants to unsee this video, and you know it. so you let it play again and again.

gosh, you were going to take years off of his lifespan.

all works are by shrii-writes. reblog + likes appreciated. feeding my work to ai + stealing is unacceptable.