you kissed me in a way that's gonna screw me up forever
★ synopsis: in between the push and pull of your relationship with zanka, perhaps all you needed was a little liquid courage.
★ tags: friends to lovers, underage drinking(drink responsibly guys), mutual pining, these two are just pathetic for each other, drunken kisses, sloppy make outs, I tried to make the reader as gender neutral as I could, suggestive themes(?) (is making out suggestive?)
wc: 3k
★ A/n: I wrote this instead of doing my accomplishment report, also I scoured the internet on the topic of "what does kissing feel like?" so safe to say I'm not well versed in the art of make outs, I almost considered asking my friend to make out with me so that I'll be able to write this correctly. also I remembered that they legit don't know what a moon probably is in the gachiakuta world due to the smog and pollution in the sky, so let's just pretend that they do for the sake of this fic. all images used were taken from pinterest, I do not own any of these pictures and full rights go to the owners.
To say that the adults from cleaners HQ drank a lot would be an understatement. They'd find many and any reason for a quick drink. A new cleaner was recruited? Time for a celebratory drink. They just defeated a big ass trash beast? A little drinking treat after the job would be nice. A comrade was heavily injured? They’ll buy them a get well soon drink (not including the kids of course). They’ll drink especially on holidays. Their table crowded and busy on these days, often leading to them not being aware of their surroundings. You've always known this — of course — ever the observant one. Zanka noticed this as well, he'd also take note of the way you'd grin at him a bit, as he always does with everything you do, eyes darting from him to the crates of drinks the adults set aside to chill. He'd raise an eyebrow at you, shaking his head in disapproval—while you'd just nudge his side with your elbow in jest.
Tonight though, was the night you decided to act upon an itch. while the adults thought that all the younger members of the cleaners were asleep, they popped out several crates of chilled booze and wine. What they failed to notice was your figure crouching silently with the shadows of the corners of the dimly lit room, waiting for the moment to present itself to you.
Enjin slung his arm around Gris, trying to coax him into a drinking contest. Semiu was tastefully appraising the glass of wine on her hand, swirling the deep purple liquid round her glass. Bro was happily popping open a bottle of beer alongside Delmon, who kept on forgetting to control his vocal volume and was being constantly hushed by Tomme whose side was accompanied by a smiling Tamsy, cradling a glass of white wine. Even the boss was included in this little get together, smiling at the scene in front of him.
A moment passed, then another. finally, the opportunity arose when Delmon cheered a bit too hard and it woke up Dear whose irritated stomping shook the entire building. As bro hastened to put Dear back to sleep, the others were fussing at each other to keep quiet. Leaving the ice box with the chilled drinks unattended. Quickly, you scramble on your feet, careful not to make any susurrations. Swiftly nabbing a bottle of red wine and two cans of cold beer. Dashing towards the other door, you look back to see the slight trail of wetness in your wake, but it's subtle enough to be mistaken for the residue of their little gathering.
Your feet padded through the halls of the graffitied corridor, colors melding into each other as you hurriedly made your way towards the end of the hallway. Knuckles rapping on the worn wood of the room next to yours.
"Psst! Zanka, it's me" a beat passed. Nothing.
You knocked rapidly once more. "C'mon zanka! Open up!" A few moments later, a groan came out from the other side. Then the door swung open, there stood Zanka Nijiku, looking irritated and half asleep. The back of his dark blonde hair sticking out in different directions like exclamation points.
"What the hell are ya' doin' here in the middle of the night?"
You smiled at him, shaking the bottle of wine and beer in your hands. At that very moment, his sleepy pertinence was immediately replaced with exasperation. Running a hand through his face, Zanka opened the door for you to come inside — you were grinning as you do so.
Placing the drinks on his table, you rummaged through his cabinet for any hidden snacks to munch on while drinking. Zanka watches you hard before inevitably helping you find snacks. His hand lingered a second more with every brush of your fingers, a rosy tint showing on the knuckles with every morsel of contact. He hoped that you don't notice. And you never do. Too busy thinking about having alcohol in your system to numb the painful yearning sensation in your heart for the man beside you.
You grabbed the drinks from the table and plopped down on the floor, your back leaning on his bed. Zanka loomed over you, his features being illuminated with the warm golden glow of his bedside lamp.
"We could get into trouble cause' of this ya' know?" He mumbled, but despite his hesitation in fear of getting reprimanded by Enjin, he still sat down beside you. Placing the snacks into a bowl that he got from his cabinet.
"I know, but we're almost adults anyways, you're turning 18 next month. Besides, how would they even know? I'm not gonna be telling…unless you are?"
Cold was the can of beer on your hands as you popped it open, looking at Zanka through your eyelashes. Daring him to tell Enjin about your little stunt. He decided against it, shaking his head in defeat. Despite you being the complete epitome of everything his upbringing went against —impulsive, chaotic, and mischievous—He could never say no to you, no matter how much he tried.
"Have ya' even drank before?" Zanka raises an eyebrow at you, accepting the can of beer, precipitation rolling down his fingers and onto the floor.
"No, but there’s a first time for everything. How about you? Oh wait–let me guess…" you take a swig of the cold beverage, scrunching your nose at the taste.
How in the sphere does Enjin even enjoy drinking this? You thought to yourself.
"you haven't because it ruins your discipline and all that jazz?" You teasingly poked at his sides as he circled the rim of his can.
That stunned you into silence — for the first time since you've known each other. Your jaw slightly ajar from shock. Who knew the ever so disciplined Zanka Nijiku has indulged in drinking.
Letting out a smug and satisfied huff of air from your reaction. Zanka took a sip at his can, noting the bitterness and slight nutty notes of it on his tongue.
"Wait, for real!? W-when? How? You're not just fucking with me right?"
Resting his arm on his upright knee, he studies your face; the way your eyelashes flutter in anticipation with the most soulful pair of eyes he's ever seen, full of questions, full of life. The kind that he'd get lost in for hours on end. The electrified silence stretches on, debating whether or not to give answers to them. He bit his lower lip and sighed, giving in.
"Back in the Kamuatari district, when I was still with my family, they would host these fancy ass parties for special occasions an' stuff. Of course they'd give me the role of greetin' the guests alongside my siblings."
He bit the inside of his cheek, reminiscing the faint smell of polished wood of his family estate, the twinkling brightness of the ornate lights, the buzz of mingling guests from different sectors of the hell guard as well as the leaders of different districts. It was beautiful as it was imposing.
His train of thought broke as his hand was enveloped with the warmth of yours.
"you don't have to say anything if it relates to your family, I'm fine with wondering if you were bullshitting me or not" you squeezed his hand, directing a soft smile towards him.
a warm fuzzy feeling settling in his chest at the very essence of you in front of him, your touch warming the ever present chillness within him. He huffed out a laugh.
"nahh, it's good. m' fine with talking about it…if its with ya'" his voice was so small at the last part you almost didn't catch it. But you did.
"nothin', not important. anyways, in one of these events, I was dismissed early by my siblings an' I happened to pass by one of em' cocktail tables an' by curiosity I just nabbed a bottle and bolted straight to my room."
you snorted, a giggle escaping you, leaning into him.
"no way!" you tried to hold your snickers in.
"yes way. I ran faster than a greased pig caught on fire, ya could practically see my soul' leavin' my body with regret." That sent you over, toppling into him with giggles and snorts at the mental image of a younger zanka—naive, stuck up, and obedient— clutching a bottle of wine while he reprimanded himself for even attempting his little stunt.
"Then what happened? Did you get caught?"
Zanka smiled, the warm fuzzy feeling in his chest growing with every laugh you let out. Feigning deep thought, he let out a snort himself. Amused at the memory of his younger self.
"Nahh, I drank the entire bottle' by myself and got so hungover the next day they thought I was sick with trash toxins."
He popped open the bottle of wine, pouring the deep maroon liquid into a tall glass he acquired from his little storage cabinet. Handing you the drink.
"Try this, it's much up to yer' taste than a can of beer."
You looked back and forth thoughtfully from the glass to the can in your hands, deciding whether to be picky and just take the glass or to be adaptable and just raw dog the can. You chose the latter, downing the entire thing in one go.
"Whoa! Hey!" Zanka bolted upright from his leaning position, patting your back as you sputtered out a cough. After the fits calmed down, you grabbed the wine still in Zanka's hand and proceeded to chug half of it, leaving you in a hiccupy state.
"Ughhh…is it just me or is the world kinda trippy right now?" You croaked out, several hiccups leaving your lungs.
"Yeah no shit dumbass, ya' just guzzled an entire can of beer an' half of your wine in seconds. I'd be surprised if ya' aren't drunk!" He tried to take the glass from you, leaving you to whine and clutch the glass to your chest.
"Noooo…hic—I'm not even tipsy."
"Well you obviously are, and I'm confiscatin' that" In a flash, he seized it from you as you yelped in protest.
You huff in frustration. "At least drink some of it, I bought it here for you y'know"
"If I drink my glass, will you please sober up? You'll get a nasty hangover if ya' continue like this"
You nod enthusiastically, letting out a frantic "mhmm!" as your cheeks flushed from the alcohol on your system. Everything around you seemed more colorful, more saturated. Even with just the dim golden light of the lamp. Maybe it was the booze… or maybe it was just because of the presence of Zanka beside you, warming you in ways that felt feverish, either way you smile with glee as he mirrors your actions—chugging the beer following with the wine and grabbing a handful of chips.
He sways slightly on himself. Blinking hard to clear his vision.
"Okay...now sober up" he grumble, setting the glass down on the floor.
Your lips quirked upward, pouring the remaining contents of the bottle into the glass Zanka just put down. "I'll sober up…after I finish this bottle!"
Zanka stared at you, clearly unimpressed even in the state of intoxication. Then he exhaled, lamenting the very heavy and painful hangover he's sure you both are going to have tomorrow. He makes a mental note to head to the infirmary to ask Eishia for some pain relievers and electrolytes juice for you in the morning.
The two of you went on to finish the bottle of wine, munching on the snacks afterward while you two rambled about random shit well into the night. Before you knew it, you were leaning your head onto his shoulder, while he was slowly tracing his finger back and forth on the length and edges of your hands, leaving goosebumps in its wake.
"Wow! look at the moon, it's so moony and luminous!" You rambled, pointing to the source of the soft light.
"That’s my fucking bed lamp"
"Oh..…well it looks like the moon. Y’know…you remind me of the moon zan-zan"
He hummed, gaze lingering soft at your features. "Oh yeah? Why is that?"
"It shines so bright even when it disappears over the brilliance of the sun, but that doesn't make it any less beautiful or meaningful. And despite its craters and flaws, that makes it even more pulchritudinous. And y'know how the moon goes into different phases?"
"Mhmm" He answers, thoughtfully. Looking at you so intensely—fully listening, his attention all on you as if you were to disappear the moment he averts his gaze—that you almost choke on your saliva.
"It goes through a cycle of phases, but each one is just as mesmerizing as the last. Heck! It even has a phase where it disappears completely from the naked human eye, but despite thinking that it's not there, that its glow has dimmed; It’s still there! In the night sky, it's radiance still persevering, even when no one notices it, even when it seems invisible…it's still shining bright."
The more you babbled on about the moon and how it correlates to Zanka, the more flushed your skin becomes, it might be from the alcohol, or it might be from your passionate introspective observational ramblings. Whatever the case may be, you have Zanka absolutely mesmerized by the mere sight of you, even more so with how deeply you just yapped about your observations on him.
"Wow… that's–…that's very perceptive of ya'...y'know sometimes I wished that I could go into your mind to know every little thing about what it is yer' thinking of in the moment" he admits, eyes now facing downward on your hand in his lap—the one he's been playing with for the past hour—face slightly painted in a rosy hue.
This time, it was your turn to hum in thoughtful agreement. The traces of his hand leaving lingering tingles on yours.
"Mind letting me into yours then? What're you thinking of right now Zanka?"
You turned your hand over, letting him trace the palmar creases within it. He studied it for a long time, like he was trying to memorize every fold and line.
"I can't say what I'm thinkin' about right now, cause' you'll think it's the booze speakin'" he mumbled against your hair, voice soft and faint, like it was meant to be heard by you and you alone.
"What do they say in weddings? Speak now or forever hold you peace."
"So we're doing vows now are we?" he smiled into your hair.
You weakly smack his thigh, a smile tugging at the corners of your lips. "All I'm saying is that you should speak what’s on your mind right now, or forever wish that you did"
"…it's a bit silly...sometimes—well, it's frequent—I'll think about how I'm just average, the best in a room full of the worst and the worst of the best, that I'm not even worth someone's time. But when ya' look at me, I start to think that maybe, just maybe, I'm worth something." He buries his face into his hands, throwing out his every thought that had anything to do with the very essence of you. This time, you were the one to look at him with intensity.
"Ya' see pass all of my walls that I put up an' it's fuckin' scary cause' I don' even know how ya' do it…and I wanna be able to do that to ya' too...an' I don’t even know where to begin…I wanna be able to learn every about ya' so…so bad"
"Huh?" He looks up from his hand to see you leaning into him, your faces mere inches away from each other you could hear him gulp. The warmth of your breathe tickling his lips.
"Show me how you want to learn everything about me Zanka Nijiku"
With those words leaving your lips, he closes the distance between you two. Your soft lips meeting his slightly chapped ones. It starts out gentle, mouth closed and featherlight. Then it turns desperate and hungry. Your body moved on its own, straddling him. Your hands curl around the soft roots of his hair as he trails his hands under your shirt, pulling you in impossibly close to him. Tiny goosebumps forming all over your body from how good it felt to be held by him.
When you both pull back, his pupils are blown wide, ragged breathes escaping him, his hair tousled, and his face burning up. Your foreheads touched as you both tried to catch your breathes.
"We shouldn't be doing this…tell me to stop, please...tell me to stop" Zanka, ever so disciplined and responsible Zanka, was now begging you to tell him to stop, while looking absolutely depraved from the first taste of you.
He was panting now, rubbing his cheek into the crook of your neck, little noises of pleads and whining slipping from his throat.
"If I kiss you again…I–I don't know If I can even stop"
With that, you grabbed his face, looking absolutely ruined yourself. The warm and tingling sensation in your tummy increasing tenfold as Zanka looked up at you with his pathetic ocean blue eyes. Tears threatening to spill out.
Then he's on you again, carnal with the way that he uses his mouth on you, but tender in the way that he holds you. Worshipping and roaming his hands around your body, feeling every inch of where he could get his fingers on. Mapping you in his mind, immortalizing the sounds you let out inside his memories.
When you both let go, both of you were sporting flushed faces while catching your breath. Clinging to each other, his face nuzzling into the crook of your throat. You shivered as his fingers were drawing circles at the small of your back, causing him to smile into your neck.
"Are you okay? Was I okay?" He mumbled.
"Better than okay, you kissed me in a way that's gonna screw me up forever"
★ Additional A/n: I was gonna be evil and make a part 2 where reader wakes up and forgets the things that transpired the night before but zanka remembers every single detail and debates on whether or not to tell them about it, but I decided to spare you guys the angst. lmk if you guys want that tho, lots of love.
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