Zoe Not Zoey

This is not talked about enough and as a result ppl struggle to process grief bc the world is telling them that grief is something else.

Grief is about loss, and IF you’d like to define it as a loss of life it is not restricted to loss of life via death. Even then I’d implore you to not view grief as about death or life but again, just loss.

Grief is also about having a shitty childhood that nothing can fix even if you have healed from it as an adult; your childhood was shitty and there’s nothing retroactively you can do about it. You grieve the loss of thriving your past self was denied.

Grief is about friendships that ended abruptly, confusingly and again, there’s nothing you can do to change that. You just have to sit with it. This is the only way grief can ultimately be processed and all it wants by the way: to be accepted and sat with. That’s it.

Grief is about opportunities that have passed, experiences you can’t have because of the way situations have ended up, and having to accept that while you do have your whole future ahead of you, there were some things you wanted to be a certain way then and they weren’t, aren’t and will never be.

Grief is being estranged from your family and missing family closeness even though you do not want to be closer to your parents, because you’re grieving the fact that there is a healthy part of human life you will not experience through them.

Grief can be the job you lost, the plans that fell through, the events that spiraled out of your control

If grief is strictly about life and death, understand that it includes grieving the life you never had and the death of who you used to be, too.

But moreover, grief is about loss.

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But later on, they would talk about their divorce, or their loss of jobs or trauma or other kinds of loss, and what it did to them. The grief, saying goodbye to a life you would’ve loved to have, deep sadness, anger. And I recognized so much.

Ask little kids if they’d like a hug first

If they say no, verbally affirm the reasonable shit you just heard. “You said you wouldn’t like a hug. We won’t hug.”

You don’t even have to redirect with a high five, even though that’s fine. Touching isn’t for everyone.

Do not say upsetting things like “where is my hug?” Clown, you don’t own hugs.

It is fine to model consent by placing boundaries on touch. “Let’s wash your hands before we cuddle.” “I’m leaving this couch if you continue to yeet your foot into my pregnant belly.” “that was fun but I’m going to take a break now.”

Touchy children are not inherently sweeter. Love languages exist at any age.

Some kids like touch but not eye contact. A hug from behind is a good one or “let’s close our eyes and squeeze really tight. Ready?”

I’m dead f*ing serious there are people who want your physical affection so badly but need you to modify your approach. Just like there are people who want to get into buildings but need ramps.

Like, if some dude who lives alone, has a job he hates, and only finds joy in his dog, spends all his money on dog toys and food, pampers the shit out of that dog, treats that dog like his child, I don’t see that as sad. He has something that he really cares about despite having things about his life he doesn’t like, and you know that dog is going to have a good life.

If someone is going to a school they hate, they don’t like the people they hang out with, they feel like there’s no joy in life except that they get to play minecraft when they get home, far be it from me to call that pathetic or lazy of them.

If some teenage boy is getting bullied, his parents are getting divorced, he can’t find a reason to make it though the day except to watch anime, good for him. I’m glad he found something he can enjoy.

If some girl has self-esteem issues, feels like she’s not good at anything, has no friends, but gets excited whenever she saves up enough money to buy supplies for a cosplay or go to a con, that’s amazing and I support her

If someone can only find joy in one, tiny thing, why would you make them feel pathetic for relying on that one thing to get through the day just bc you don’t get it or think it’s silly?

Even if someone has a good life but gets joy out of something you think is silly, there is absolutely no reason for you to treat their interests as pathetic.

Rebloging for awareness.

oh jeepers, if i'd known she'd be travelling around this much, i'd've given her her leash

happy hanukkah!

(and then for monday...)