summer !!

Sharing a recent commission that holds a very special place in my heart 🥹🫶

You have to be thin, but not too thin. And you can never say you want to be thin. You have to say you want to be healthy, but also you have to be thin. You have to have money, but you can’t ask for money because that’s crass. You have to be a boss, but you can’t be mean. You have to lead, but you can’t squash other people’s ideas. You’re supposed to love being a mother, but don’t talk about your kids all the damn time. You have to be a career woman, but also always be looking out for other people. You have to answer for men’s bad behavior, which is insane, but if you point that out, you’re accused of complaining. You’re supposed to stay pretty for men, but not so pretty that you tempt them too much or that you threaten other women because you’re supposed to be a part of the sisterhood. But always stand out and always be grateful. But never forget that the system is rigged. So find a way to acknowledge that but also always be grateful. You have to never get old, never be rude, never show off, never be selfish, never fall down, never fail, never show fear, never get out of line. It’s too hard! It’s too contradictory and nobody gives you a medal or says thank you! And it turns out in fact that not only are you doing everything wrong, but also everything is your fault.

I’m just so tired of watching myself and every single other woman tie herself into knots so that people will like us. And if all of that is also true for a doll just representing women, then I don’t even know

summary: goose is still deulu and tired after their shift

part two

description: when he only sees you at night.

2:35 AM you can hear the ticking of your grandmother’s old clock, the one she passed down to your mother. 2:35 AM your bedroom is dark, except for the light that your vanity mirror provides. If any of your friends and family saw you now they’d call you pathetic, who stays up at this time of night waiting for a boy to give them the green light on when she could come over? The answer is you do.

So you always ignored the looks friends would throw your way when you snuck off to see him. They rolled their eyes when you pretended not to silently cry when he visibly hooked up with girls in front of you. Girls that he had no problem flaunting or showing off. But his relationship with you was hidden only in the darkest places, he kissed you always away from prying eyes.

You know you shouldn’t be up right now putting this much effort in when he won’t even notice. You brush through the curls you’ve just spun through your hair. The main goal was to make it look effortlessly a “hopped out of bed look” because you would be mortified if he found out all the things you did to look good for him.

You apply one last coat of your favorite cherry lipgloss, taking a closer look at your eyelashes making sure the coated on mascara is perfect. You lie to yourself every time thinking “he’ll really look at me this time.” Or “He’ll ask me how my day was before ripping off my clothes.” But none of that is going to happen you know that.

You’ll quietly creep into wherever he wants you and press his lips against yours without any words spoken. When it gets down to him undressing you is when you attempt to speak to him, make a connection. But he shuts it down before you can take it any further and you let him have his way with you.

Because you want him in more ways than one. You want to be his, and him to be yours. Being with him is the best high you’ve ever felt. You’ll come every single time he calls you.

He’s breaking you though and he doesn’t even care nor know.

You love him.

But could you love someone who didn’t have emotions? It wasn’t a question that was hard to answer.

You loved Conrad Fisher, even if he could never love you back.

~

His lips against yours are soft, yet the kiss is rough, his hands gripping onto your body like he’s scared you’ll runoff. “Lay down for me baby.” He whispers into the darkness you could barely see him. The only thing you can point out is his eyes, you’ve always thought they were beautiful.

You slowly lay back against his bed just like he’s asked. Baby. The pet name always sends a dagger straight through the heart, only because you know it’s only a term of endearment during sex when it comes to him. He quickly tears his shirt off, hovering over you. You slowly move one hand to caress his chest, his skin hot to the touch. “What are you doing tomorrow?” You whisper yet at the same time cringe, this was your only opportunity to have a real conversation with him.

“Uhh…I don’t know.” He mumbles against your neck, his hand slowly moving towards your shorts. “I heard the diner has these new chocolate chip pancakes, wanna try them with me?” You question, breathing hard when he effortlessly unbuttons your shorts slowly pulling them off your legs. Of course your proposal goes un answered as he begins massaging your inner thighs.

You let out a little moan, squirming for more of his touch. One of Conrad’s hand disappears under your underwear, at the same time his lips crash back onto your own. You give way to easy and he knows that, he’s aware your swayed by the way he makes you feel. As he moves his hips against yours is when you take the cue and reach down into his underwear.

Your shaking hands, wrapping around him tight and pumping just the way he likes it. You’ve had sex with him enough times to know just what he wants. You know that on every stroke to tease the tip a little because that makes him even more ready for you. You know that he likes when you run your hands through his hair as he kisses you.

“Alright,alright I’m ready.” He says pulling your hand from his underwear. You quickly remove your tank top, you self consciously close your eyes, not knowing if he’ll like the matching panty and bra set you picked out just for him. But just like every time he doesn’t notice or maybe he really just doesn’t think you look pretty in it? All he does is grip your hips turning you over so your face is against the mattress. You arch your back knowing what his next move would be.

The sound of foil being torn has you impatient. As he rolls on the condom he whispers into the darkness, “you ready?” And your response is the same every time. A quiet breathy “yes”

~

Your breathing is rapid, His the same way.

He moves away from you falling onto his back. His head turns towards his digital clock. 3:46 AM. “You could stay I guess.” His voice hinting that he really didn’t want you to. “Are you sure?” You hate the way your voice cracks, “I mean yeah, whatever it’s up to you.” You nod your head mumbling an okay. He moves farther away from you on the bed. As if his hands weren’t all over you just a minute ago. “Good night.” You mumble tears streaming down your face. You don’t know if he knows your crying or if he really has no grasp on what he’s doing to your heart.

You wait until he’s asleep, you slowly climb out of his bed, redressing yourself.