Vein

“I think you lost all interest in this world. You were disappointed and discouraged, and lost interest in everything. So you abandoned your physical body. You went to a world apart and you’re living a different kind of life there. In a world inside you.”

🪻

🍄

“I feel like I am so far behind in life that I will never catch up. Everyone is doing so many things with their lives. I am just here. Frozen. I have been a ghost for years. I wonder if that is all I will ever be.”

“My 20s have been the loneliest era in my life. I am surrounded by people but not connecting with anyone. Everyone is living their own lives while I am still waiting for mine to start. I feel lost between what I should be feeling and how I actually feel.”

There was a person in me – a piece of me – however you want to describe it – so damaged that she was prepared to see me dead to find peace… My violent rages, my destructive behaviour, my own need to destroy love and trust, just as love and trust had been destroyed for me… The fact that I did not value myself. I was always ready to jump off the roof of my own life. Didn’t that have a romance to it? Wasn’t that the creative spirit unbounded? No. Creativity is on the side of health – it isn’t the thing that drives us mad; it is the capacity in us that tries to save us from madness. The lost furious vicious child living alone in the bottom bog wasn’t the creative – she was the war casualty. She was the sacrifice. She hated me. She hated life.

“I break my own heart by expecting people to be as attached to me as I am to them.”