these aren't my people

Darcy widened her eyes, blinking at him as innocently as she possibly could. “Isn’t the fact that you’re totally obsessed with me and you love me and you trust me enough?” she asked him, jutting her lower lip out in a pout. They were her usual tactics – the ‘sweet’ face, the pretend-wounds, the teasing – but they were old faithfuls and she didn’t plan to stop now. “But fiiiine, the delivery man can come to the door instead of us going to pick it up and saving ten dollars on tip and delivery fees,” she japed, wondering if she could appeal to his practical side and make his hatred of capitalism win out over his fear of embarrassment. “But also, I’m happy to look silly, so hit me with your worst! Whatever you say to me, you can’t scare me.”

Victory’s brow furrowed - he hadn’t considered saving on the delivery fee. Odd for him, since he usually tried to save a penny where he could. Darcy was officially too distracting if she kept him from thinking about important subjects such as that and making her look silly instead of, well, like his dream girl was a suitable treatment to the situation, wasn’t it? “I want to go with the embarrassing you and going out in public option now, damn it, I really do, but I don’t know if you noticed, looking silly is not what I’m best at.” He bit his lip and considered, shrugging helplessly as he suggested the first thing that came to mind. “Giant baby. We need to transform you into a giant baby.” He paused for the slightest of seconds before getting up and slapping his hands together. “Come on, chop chop. I’m hungry and we can’t go out until our makeovers are complete.”

Any momentary flash of worry that might have crossed Darcy’s mind vanished the moment that Victory seemed to register what she was saying. She smiled at him wickedly, glad that he knew it was of no use to argue at this point. “It’ll be a lot more hypothetically embarrassing for me than for you, I have more hair for us to stack up on top of my head,” Darcy pointed out, sticking her tongue out at him even as she gathered it all in her hands and attempted to hold it straight in the air. She lost pieces of varying length in the process, eventually just letting it cascade messily back down around her shoulders. “Pictures that I never show anyone else but keep for myself, and we only leave the room for bathroom breaks or to go get food. Solid compromise?” she asked him, arching an eyebrow at him, curious to see if he’d accept her revised terms or not.

“That’s not solid at all,” Victory scoffed, biting back a smile. “How do you prove that you’ve never shown the pictures to anyone else? Pictures, but they exist on my phone and I’ll show you them whenever you want, and we order food in.” He furrowed his brow to see if she’d take those terms, because he didn’t, of all things, want to be recognized as a Troll in public. An idea came to him and his dark eyes glimmered for a moment with joy as he added, “OR, if you insist we go out in public, we must first do something to make you look just as silly if not more silly than I do. Then and only then will I go outside at all.”

“In case you don’t love me as much as I think you do? Impossible!” Darcy scoffed, although she had to admit, him pulling away from the hair-touches had caught her slightly off guard. She liked finding little excuses to touch him, to be up in his space and be as close to him as possible – and usually he didn’t object, no matter what he said with his words. It was part of his crotchety-old-man game, but actually moving almost had her considering going back to shaving her own head again just to get that closeness back. Darcy tilted her head to the side instead, acting like she was far too proud to even meet his eyes, when really she was scanning for hair gel, too. “You know, I shouldn’t tell you, as payback for you doubting me… but I guess I could give you a hint. And the hint is modeling oneself after weird ugly hilarious Auradonian dolls of sorts.”

Darcy was always so confident and always seemed so sure of herself that it was hard for Victory to imagine that he could ever hurt her feelings. After all, for the entire history of their friendship, whatever he could give her had always been enough, even if it wasn't a lot. At this point he was convinced he'd never shake her off, and at this point he never wanted to. Still, that meant trying sometimes, even if it was just a little, and her not looking at him anymore had the dumb effect of making him want to try whatever she'd say next. "That doesn’t narrow it down though, all Auradonian dolls are weird and ugly," he said, confused. It hit him in an instant and his eyes opened wide, his mouth dropping into an O. "A troll doll?!" he asked, hands flying to his hair protectively. He then considered that Darcy must be bored out of her mind without the snow and he’d already turned down one hair idea and his hands lowered tentatively. “No pictures,” he insisted. “And we don’t leave the room at all today if I do it. Deal or no deal?”

do the sexy love™ with: I’d sooner die.

sacrifice myself for: Why?

kick: Haverly and Harper. They’re too energetic, they need to chill.

take to prom: Hannah. We could ditch together.

abandon in jurassic park: Chad and @charmingellie. Them without their beauty products in the wild sounds like a show everyone in Auradon would literally pay to watch.

push off a bridge: @margaerycharming. Water burns witches.

do the sexy love™ with: None of the above. 

sacrifice myself for: No.

kick: Kicking @shortyshortz seems like it’d be a lot of fun.

take to prom: Chloe, if her dream-kisser doesn’t take her.

abandon in jurassic park: Cece and Casper. Let’s see how those two make it out. If they make it out…

push off a bridge: @berniewijanto and @mateobjorgman it is! Down you go! These last ones are kind of fun. Is there one of these where all the options are painful?

do the sexy love™ with: Who paid you to phrase this the most disgustingly it could be phrased? The only person that I allow touch me in any manner at all is @weseltonsdarcy, do with that what you will.

sacrifice myself for: @weseltonsdarcy, if anyone.

kick: @racheladale. And Hasira, if I can. Do I get to do two?

take to prom: @peydavis. I like bossy blondes who tell me what to do, what can I really say?

abandon in jurassic park: Eh, nobody. It’s not real.

push off a bridge: @hokukawena. She can swim, it’s fine.

“I don’t think you understand what a mohawk is, bud,” Darcy giggled, not letting him get away that easily. She pushed herself back up out of her desolate sprawl, reaching over to ruffle his hair, teasing and threatening him at the same time. “Although the whole partially shaved head thing worked for Natalie Dormer in The Hunger Games…” She acted like she was actually mulling over his plan – she liked to keep everyone guessing just because she could, but she liked to keep Victory guessing because he actually seemed to enjoy the mystery. Finally, she shook her head no. “It’ll get in the way for sports when it starts growing back, though, so guess it’s you or nothing!” Darcy flashed him her most winning grin, knowing that he wouldn’t actually say yes. That would never stop her from trying, though; the fun of it was always in making it into a game. “Or does your roommate have hair gel? Lots and lots of hair gel? Because I miiiiight have just come up with a hilarious backup plan, too. Just in case you don’t love me as much as I think you do and you say no.”

"It's a dumb spike on top of someone's head," Victory said matter-o-factly, not letting himself get off track. His hair was entirely too short as far as he was concerned and even if it wasn't, he would swear it was until it got him off the hook. It was even harder pretending to be pissed when she played with his hair. Part of Victory was entirely sure that he'd let Darcy get away with anything if she played with his hair throughout, so he yanked his head away. He usually was a fan of going with Darcy's flow but he had a few things he couldn't budge on, and it was a slippery slope from a change in hair-do to letting someone play with his appearance like some deranged doll owner. "I think you'd look great with a partially shaved head. Or even a fully shaved one! Very Furiosa from Mad Max." Even as he said it he knew that she wouldn't go with it, but the curiosity of what her hilarious backup plan could be reluctantly got his attention. "I wouldn't know what my roommate puts in his hair. I try to pretend he doesn't exist, honestly. But just in case I don't love you as much as you think you do, tell me the backup plan now." He shrugged like he didn't care but he was already trying to put two and two together in his head.

Bernie: I've got more! Brohan, buddy, just regular old bro... Whatever you like, I'll try to keep it in mind. Do you only eat one type of spice, though? I bet you like loads of different ones. BOOM, variety!

Rachel: Aw, well, I don't want to say things that I don't think are true but if I meet someone else who thinks holidays are a scam I'll totally set you guys up on a friend date! Maybe they're your soulmate instead of the rock!

Rachel: I didn't saaaay that! :( :( :( :( :( :(

Victory: You really don't have to do that lol. I already know for a fact that there are other people who are right when it comes to the holidays; what I want is kind of more of a mainstream acceptance of that, not a salt mate. Salt mates are easy to find and don't push you to be your best lol.

Everyone thought she was shallow. She could hear it through the halls and see it in the way people looked at her, how they spoke to her. They didn’t realize just how deep her problems ran. They didn’t know anything about her but why would they take the time to? They’d made their assumptions and she was too tired to try and change them. “I like my siblings. Most of the time. I like Rachel. I like Gaston the Third. I like Mary Kate… But do I think they like me? Like really like me and would choose me if it came down to it? No. So I choose books. Saves me from the hurt.” 

As someone who had been born into nothing - no money, no friends, no family, no stability, not even food or a welcoming presence in the shabby shack he’d called ‘home’ - when he met someone who was born into all of that who ended up with these problems, it made Victory wonder how exactly they’d gotten there. He wasn’t a particularly tactful person so he bluntly asked “Well, what’s wrong with you then? If you’re that sure people don’t like you. After all, your siblings are both awful and they have people that tolerate them at least and love them at most, and you seem really normal. Basic, even.”

Bernie: Nuh uh, mate, synonyms are the spice of life! Like, right now if I said dude, it wouldn't mean that I forgot mate's my favorite, it would just mean I don't want it getting stale for you! Spices make food that's almost bad taste good again.

[ Delivered to @weseltonsdarcy for Valentine's Day ]

Darcy,

I feel like the card says it all. Thanks for being my friend, I guess. I know it isn't always easy being friends with me but I don’t want you to stop so ta-da, coupons. One of them is the equivalent to me doing whatever you say for like an hour. You're welcome.

Rachel: Do you think all holidays are fake or just Valentine's Day? Because I love all of them! I don't see what's so bad about liking the cute stuff and the pretty colors and the yummy foods and the fun celebrations and about going the extra mile to make sure people know you care! It may be fake to you but I like it and there are other people who like it too, so we're gonna have so much fun with it and it's okay if you don't want to! You're still getting a handwritten card with lots of smiley faces on it, but I won't buy you a bear or anything, promise!

Rachel: No! No, I don't know how to be mean on purpose, I'd feel so bad about it if I was. I can only imagine maybe calling someone a poopyface if they broke my sister's heart or cheated at a game or something! Otherwise there's something good for everyone! I said maybe! I thought you'd like having a quiet stoic cute rock to keep you company, they'd never be able to annoy you! I'm sorry!

Victory: I think that all holidays were based on something real once, forever ago, but that since then every single one has been corrupted for the purpose of selling things. Every holiday has turned into Spend Your Money Day and relies on our wanting to prove ourselves with yummy foods and pretty colors and fun celebrations for their profit. That's not a bad thing, most things in this society are for profit, and no one's saying the illusion isn't allowed to make you happy, but if everyone or at least someone just admitted that it was all a scam, THAT would actually make me have a happy Valentine's Day.

Jane: But she doesn't use it either! Suspect for what?!?!

Darcy: You're going to miss me when I stop talking to you :-p

“What can I say? It gives me a little thrill!” Eloise smirked gently, “Well novels are different than people. I like novels far better than people.”

"That's gross," Victory cringed. Something about a princess admitting to needing to pretend her life had challenges just to feel alive made him feel icky. Maybe she didn't get that real people had real problems that weren't just for a little thrill. He raised a brow further at her saying she liked books more than people. "I know people are annoying and books are cool, but humans are gregarious by nature. You have to like some people better than books, just statistically. Unless you’re a sociopath. That’s one of the warning signs, you know."