Victoria Ayn

NASA just flew the New Horizons spacecraft by Pluto. PLUTO. 

We’re going to have HELLA pictures of Pluto very soon. P. L. U. T. O. Even more HELLA than the “teaser” picture right before the flyby:

LOOK AT THAT ADORABLE MOTHERFUCKER WITH A HEART ON IT AND EVERYTHING.

You know where that picture was taken from? 476,000 MILES AWAY (766,048 KILOMETERS) You know what the closest approach distance was for New Horizons? 7,800 MILES (12,600 KILOMETERS) FROM THE SURFACE OF PLUTO.

That’s right. That means YOU AINT EVEN SEEN SHIT YET, SON.

It took us over 9 years to get to our solar system buddy 31.9 AU away. 

Do you know how far away an AU is? 93 MILLION GODDAMN MILES or 149.6 MILLION HOLY SHIT KILOMETERS. Multiplied by over 30. With a (dwarf) planet flying around in some CATAWAMPAS ASS orbit.

WE JUST HIT A DAMN NEEDLE IN A HAYSTACK AS LARGE AS THE SOLAR SYSTEM.

Because of this distance, the New Horizons spacecraft will take 16 MONTHS to transfer all the data from the encounter back to Earth.

In conclusion:

As IF New Horizons wasn’t cool enough, WE JUST RECEIVED WORD FROM THE SPACECRAFT that it is A-OKAY.

That means that the spacecraft sent us a message to say HEY EARTH SUP I PASSED PLUTO AND IT WAS AWESOME. And then that message traveled FOUR AND HALF HOURS through the vastness of our solar system to get to us. THAT ALL HAPPENED TODAY.

And the best part? New Horizons called home to the Mission Operations Manager. THAT’S RIGHT. It called home to MOM.

I see you NASA, you clever motherfuckers.

THE EXCITEMENT ISN’T OVER YET. Images come tomorrow!!!

STAY TUNED. SCIENCE ON. 

Bonus: Swagtastic New Horizons Team

4 FOR YOU NEW HORIZONS. YOU GO, NEW HORIZONS.

Well, let me tell you, New Horizons delivered.

CHECK IT.

One of Pluto’s Moons: CHARON.

And the BIG BADDY ITSELF:

I’m sorry, I can’t hear you over Pluto’s ICE MOUNTAINS, that may potentially be ICE VOLCANOS. 

CRYOVOLCANOS.

NASA’s got even MORE shit to figure out because it looks like Pluto’s surface doesn’t have many CRATERS, which means it may be a lot younger.

YOUNGER? Okay great, what does that mean?

It means something’s active. Volcanism, migrating ice, latent heat from a possible INTERNAL OCEAN?!

Only time will tell…

Alright that’s all I got. Can’t wait to see what new things Pluto will tell us!! 

Just think, you were tuned in when humanity explored a new world for the first time. 

And that’s pretty fucking awesome.

I’m sorry.  I read the thing and thought it was just about THE BEST EVER.  And then I arted.

Natasha Romanoff.  Godmommy to end all godmommies.

She’s taking her god-daughter to ballet classes!!!!!!!

So, in just thirty-five seconds, the Series of Unfortunate Events teaser gives us the following: 

-The Gothic Archies

-Violet’s hair ribbon and Klaus’ glasses

-a book (smoldering) entitled HOW TO START FIRES, and another with the Hotel Denouement stationery version of the V.F.D. eye, underneath said glasses

-About twenty other eyes in various guises

-The Daily Punctilio’s headline about the Baudelaire tragedy

-Tickets to The Marvelous Marriage (“The play so good, it’s REAL”) and a book on nuptial law, plus the marriage license

-Mushroom Minutiae resting next to a jar full of what would appear to be Medusoid Mycelium

-A Lachrymose Leech (brought to very realistic and terrifying life) next to a map of the lake

-Shirley’s wig, the Paltryville Constitution, and a map of the Lucky Smells Lumbermill

-A crow (presumably of the Village of Fowl Devotees…)

-a concierge cap, bell, and room key from the Hotel Denouement

-and, of course, the shadow of Count Olaf.

The world is quiet here.

pepperweek day 5 → favourite traits: pepper’s sass, sarcasm, and wit