internet vessel . . . ?!

ㅤㅤㅤ⟣ㅤㅤ˳ㅤㅤ︵︵ㅤ𑁥౿ㅤ︵︵ㅤㅤˑㅤㅤ⟢

　𓏵 　 ❛❛⠀something is wrong with me

Call me vessel. [ 🪽 ]

this is my "blog" I do whatever I please with it no matter if it's personal entries, blogging, rants or whatever, I do what I want. I like music

otaku,fictionkin, angel kin, wannabe edgy, fudanshi, profiction (if you even care), yumeshipper, kuro fan, Ciel phantomhive kin, vkei / visual kei fan. ​᭄ links ??? 【 twt ˏ pinterest tiktok ⧽

No dni list I block freely.

>first entry

⧼ internet vessel. 　𓏵 < 3

Why are TikTok users actually so miserable and dramatic its actually confusing 😭😭😭

So many TikToks of users being down right rude or mean about fictionkins are weird, like actually it's not that big of a deal. Or just weird about kins in general

TikTok users vs spiritual beliefs regarding identity

they are so aggressive and mean about it like they sound like sore losers when expressing their opinions. They r also like this with yumeshippers or whatever

😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

I was enrolling for school for this school year. I was given this in my folder, is this really my legacy???

Dear godd being in a out of control mental state and obsessesing over a character as of means of coping and making it every1s problem 4 years ago and this is still a thing my gah 😭😭😭😭😭😭

I always thought I was bad with listening to or comprehending instructions or directions but it turns out my family is just bad at GIVING directions, fuck them, I felt so stupid I never felt smart in my life

it might sound defensive but it really does feel like that because they are either too quiet with their instructions, it doesn't make sense, they don't even finish their sentence or they just expect me to already know or understand— why am I always surrounded by stupid idiots

With other people when they instruct me I don't end up being the idiot because their instructions make sense, the hell is wrong with my family

notice anything different ? 😏😏

< / 3 Ciel Phantomhive art ; cuz it's my brand

Idk how to color/render T_T

Yesterday I went to the dentist for examination, I'm gonna get braces soon. My mouth still hurts for opening my mouth so wide oughh 🦷🦷🦷

Like the ends of my mouth feel like they r gonna be teared like a bunch of things fabric owie, they had this clay (?) they made to make a mold out of my lower and upper teeth and everytime they pulled out the mold it hurts like hell— upper teeth felt like 3 of em were gonna be pulled off, lower teeth is my extra tooth. The pulling was in full force like holy

I would wanna go to London if I lived, I wanna go to Cambridge for college but it's international and the stay is expensive— maybe after college I'll move to London, restart everything or whatevers cliche

my individuality complex needs to get checked. I have the need to be extraordinary, this fear of being precieved averagely or neutrally— I was never treated like someone worth proud of by my peers, my teachers or my family (my mom is "proud" in a way because I'm the only biological gal in her side of the family so nothing about ME) I'm average

I don't wanna be average but it seems I never try to but I do try but god damn it idk. Also add on i was quite alienated or I did feel alienated so when I finally gained consciousness I gaslight myself into putting myself above others to prove "hey you're wrong to think that I'm not the best"

That's why I feel threatened when someone "normal" likes something I like or that it's well known because to me that was for me, it's pretty selfish to want to gatekeep literal media that's impossible but Yeah

I wanna make breakcore music, I've always liked the breakcore genre and I've seen what programs and tutorials, and what samples to use for it— I was gonna download FL studio but my motivation wasn't in it as usual

It'll probably will sound terrible

I'll try tomorrow

TW/CW:mentions self harm (even a little bit or just contemplating)

Finally found a blade that's clean and the right size for me, it's in our kitchen.

I haven't actually cut myself all the way actually. Well there was this one time that I took this bigger knife because all day at school I was contemplating on truly giving myself scars, scratching my own arms doesn't give anything— I sliced a few like 2-3 onto my wrist and it's something small on the first layer of skin. Doesn't even sting unfortunately

It's not even cat scratch material and so I just announce myself as a major pussy

Any tips for cutting? Even if just cat scratched? Unfortunately im a little scared— also I want actual good and nice tips

I need asks in my inbox

If ur anon or not if any1 wanna ask ur way I'm bored

I freaking exercised "5 minute flat stomach" and "10 minute thin/lean thighs or legs" workouts— I feel like I'm being insecure about my body.

My weight is average for my age so don't assume I'm an over obese wanker, my stomach isn't flat or thin: all the stupid videos I've seen said I need a calorie deficit to truly lose weight and I'm frustrated with that

I can't control what food has been given to me, what my mom or brother cooks is all random, I can't control them 🦶 I can do all this walking, exercising, listening to sublminals, especially eating less what I actually need is a calorie deficit?? Stupid shit

What a scam, it makes not wanna continue this routine tomorrow if that's it.

I lay down it feels flat but when I turn I can feel how much bigger it actually is and that pisses me off, atleast I'm not fat fat thank God but 🫩🫩 I need this "pouch" (or whatever you call it) gone NOW