Android Soficus

new DB Cooper theory: he went up

concept: instead of “time traveller from the past is unimpressed by the present” it’s “time traveller from the past loves things we don’t like about modern society” like they think pollution is badass or something

medieval peasant upon hearing the number of species that go extinct every day: fuck yeah, damn those beafts to hell

your cat was an honor to see in the window

I’m slowly beginning to accept the reality that 2007 was not last year but in fact almost four years ago

In a perfect world the mummy 1999, night at the museum and national treasure all happen in the same universe and are connected

We’ve all heard tales of the moon being made of cheese, but what if it were made of bones? Bone fragments. Bone dust. Partial skeletons from animals we have no name for, no knowledge of. What if the moon were made of bones?

Couples shirts that say "I'm misery" and "I'm company"

You are either going to the bathroom with me or going to the bathroom against me

when i was a kid my Getting To Sleep technique was visualizing a child-sized shriveled up mummy with big piercing eyes that would stand silhouetted in the doorway & stare at me & probably attack if i so much as opened my eyes after getting into bed & this technique caused me to develop a lifelong nighttime-induced paranoia & it still takes me 2 hours to fall asleep. so i wouldnt recommend that

i should invent a bicycle with square wheels that cant move and take it to the tour de france and spend 24 hrs at the starting line trying to pedal it while in full aerodynamic posture and at some point ill tip over and bust the frame to which my highly dedicated and sponsored team quickly brings out another square wheeled bike