Sad Girl

know

who i

am

another part of myself

as i find another identity

to hide behind

every night

droning to myself

For a reply?

Or a text?

With nothing to say

My heart aches

Hallucinating

Hearing your words

Your voice

It’s guiding me

Clutching onto something that doesn’t want to stay—watching it slowly ebb away from me. It’s as if people are too afraid to make promises they know they can’t keep.

It feels that—

I can’t handle them. They’re too realistic—they’re too /me/ and I can’t handle it all at once—

Like a fucking tsunami of regrets that just plunges onto my numb body that screams for an escape. What the fuck am I supposed to do—how the fuck do I deal with something I can’t get the fuck away from

It’s like a chorus that keeps repeating but I don’t hear the words and I don’t hear the music

It’s like something that I want but can’t grasp

Like something that I’m reaching for but I just—

Is it something people take advantage of?

Is my yearning for the absence of being alone killing me?

If I stopped forgiving would I be alone?

Would I be dangerously close to the edge of my demise? Teetering as if the only thing keeping me up is my own thoughts—

they don’t truly render me alone

Aloneness is a song I could sing and shout forever

Everything that I am

Everything that I was

Everything that I will be

I am yours

I won’t say your name

But when I think of it

When I think of you

My being sings

It calls to you and it reaches for you