writer

do you think of me when the stars align?

when the ocean stretches her waves to reach the moon?

do you think of me?

do you think of us?

do you reminisce the feelings we shared?

i wonder.

i wonder if it was real.

i wonder if it was true love.

the ache in my chest,

throbs with denial,

to acknowledge your lost love.

the act of denial,

appears to be more severe,

rather than your act of absence.

my admiration for you,

still slowly flows,

softly,

surrounding me,

acquainted with the facade of your lost Iove.

inadequately embracing hypocrisy,

judgmental stares come forth,

two sides of a coin,

colors of the checkered cloth.

i simply fail to omit the hope,

blooming in my chest.

enveloped dourest,

sour moments of detest,

for the lack of—

the swan song named dreaming of love.

you do not know me,

you know of me.

when you hear my name,

i bet you reminisce,

of me and you.

now, that it changed,

you seem to hold on,

i’m completely gone.

time cannot rewind,

i cannot be who i once was,

it is not monstrous,

to move on.

you must let go of me.

me and you,

were never meant to be.

i’m sorry.

it hurts to miss you,

when i know

it was hard to love you.

nothing else to wish for,

you’ll stay silent,

because that’s all you could do.

And I,

will silently wish for you.

To be back by my side,

here with me.

i thought of how different it’ll be,

without you here by me.

and then i cried,

about the times,

when you were by my side.

i tend to make the simplest concept

into something more

maybe it’s the overthinking side of me

i could discuss how cake is deliciously good to devour

or how bad it is taken from a diabetic perspective

I could go on and on about

how even if it seems good

it doesn’t particularly mean it’s good for you

an alcoholic would say “i drink to waste away the negativity” so it makes them feel better

yet it’s slowly destroying, rotting their body inside and out

i could go on and on about

how cake is so good i wouldn’t care if I’ve gotten fat and to be deemed as obese

or how i haven’t ate much and be deemed as anorexic

i could conjure up so many thoughts

about little things

No one would ever bother thinking of

I guess it’s the way a over thinker thinks

throwing money at me like a slut,

should be happy i got a few bucks,

thinking it should be enough,

mock happiness,

viscously diverse,

incapable of masking the hurt

urge to scream,

“what the fuck, what is wrong with you?!”

but, im just another teen

swirling hormones,

mixed emotions.

deemed naive to what im feeling,

unknowingly seeking valdilation.

it’s out of my control

my happiness, they stole.

not irrational,

just factual,

they’re true to me.

raw,

genuine,

emotions.

it’s fucking real,

i know what im feeling.

it was the first,

you’ve expressed brotherly love

i always unknowingly seeked comfort,

it’s hurts to know she’s giving no effort.

i unknowingly seeked love,

i wanted reassurance.

you picked the worst time to say i love you,

you’d arrive late, past curveiw.

you’re leaving,

and she’s just fucking watching.

no utter of disagreement,

i was ambivalent,

family filled love,

yet you’re easily dispose of.

early goodbyes,

dark panda eyes.

tears blur my vision,

she’s too smitten

i cried thinking of you,

your words deeply wound me

your actions made me ill.

my head aches,

my eyes burn.

revenge on my mind,

you’ve crossed the line.

you’ve caused me trauma,

i want you to suffer,

my friend karma,

agreed to a favor,

i hope she ruins you.

why don’t you listen?

Come on, stay for a while

Listen to my story.

Hear my cries,

Unravel my thoughts,

For the true meaning hurts.

Can you keep up?

It’ll connect to why I’m like this,

like constellations of stars,

galaxies in the universe,

if you can interpret my thoughts,

you’ll see what I can create.

It’ll be magnificent,

tears glisening in the moonlight,

as if your drop of tear was made of stardust.

Can you see it?

the picture I created that is.