nobody

When you're unsuccessfully looking for something and start gradually increasing your It Could Be There range. Like yeah sure maybe the rice cooker pot is in the freezer, idk

Changing the relationship status to "Stalemate"

Changing the relationship status to "Uneasy truce"

Changing the relationship status to "Mutually assured destruction"

bought the fluffiest frilliest poufiest pink dress for my 30th in a couple of months. i am going to end this decade looking like a giant meringue and loving it 🍰

i wore my ridiculous ruffly selkie dress for my birthday and got so many compliments!! a woman at the globe theatre said they should be parading me up and down the banks of the thames. one of the cast came to me and said they have an audience participation bit in the wedding scene and she’d never seen anyone more appropriately dressed for the part, so i got to go on stage and officiate the wedding at the end of a midsummer night’s dream :) an american woman in the gift shop said i looked so cute doing it. i almost didn’t buy it because i was worried it would be over the top but!! the lesson is be extravagant and extra and over the top and sometimes good things will happen

you don’t realize how important lunch is until you’re wandering around thinking about how unloveable and untalented and uniquely cursed you are and then it’s 4pm and you finally eat lunch and you go Oh. oh right.

lot of people commenting on this post like "who eats lunch at 4pm that's a terrible time to eat lunch" yes. that is the point. 4pm lunch is inadvisable. 4pm lunch is not the ideal. 4pm lunch makes the mind demons real.

There are a lot of reasons to oppose monarchy but one of the most overlooked is that the king is always getting stuck in some kind of hazardous puzzle chamber filling up with gravel or lava or something. Do your fucking job man