rise and grind, shitlips

i would kill for the confidence of novelists who write genius-poet characters and then actually write samples of the “genius” poetry in the book. if i were a novelist writing a genius-poet i’d just be like “trust me, the poetry’s real good.”

Being an Eridian scientist has to be so funny. You train your entire life as a biologist, becoming specialized in your field, probably giving lectures or educational speeches to other Eridians, and then the star savior Rocky comes home with his weird pet dog. Your job is now to cultivate food so the weird dog who is the age of average baby doesn’t die. The dog also saved the stars. Your job is making dog food out of the dog. You also learn that you and the dog have the same job. You are the happiest scientist on Erid.

Ghosts aren't real, it was probably just the house settling that gave you that blowjob

I want people to be so jealous of my expensive car that they spend 24+ hours taking Adderall in order to b able to continue masturbating to the thought of defacing it with spray paint

Dude, fortify is bangin’. That makes things like you’re some kind of RPG character. Fortify is way better than “man up.”

Happy 10th anniversary to Fortify

do not have discord sex i was stroking my shit and discord face id'ed my cock as the 5300 year old mummy otzi i can't log in anymore

I'm not gonna lie the secret to success for a great many people is absolutely stimulant abuse