Anton Chigurh Headcanons !!
Hi guys first real post sorry if these are ooc ....... i tried my best .
This isnāt really a headcanon, because Javier Bardem said himself he doesn't drive, but Anton HATES driving. Heās extremely, extremely cautious about it, both hands always firmly on the wheel(as shown above), you will never see him running a red light or going even a mile past the speed limit(he always keeps at least 5 under). Part of it is also driven(pun intended) by not wanting to get stopped for a traffic violation, as that could easily lead to his other crimes being investigated and him getting arrested again. If heās driving with anyone, he does not tolerate music or chatter under any circumstances, because he needs to be entirely focused on the road. As mentioned earlier, he drives annoyingly slowāitās fine when heās out on the open desert roads, without many other cars around, but god forbid he should ever go on the city highways. He gets tailgated, honked at, flipped off, all of which stress him out further and prompt him to go even slower to piss them off(or, as he likes to say it, teach them patience).
āIf everyone drove like me, there would be fewer accidents.ā
Whenever the two of you are paired together on jobs, itās almost always going to be you behind the wheel. On the one hand, heās grateful for it, since he hates driving, but on the other, he considers himself a much safer driver than you(which he probably is) and doesnāt trust your road habits, which tend to be somewhat reckless. Sometimes, just to get a rise out of him, youāll briefly speed up really fast, or zig-zag your wheel around⦠he doesnāt find it amusing. He keeps a collection of extremely gruesome car crash pictures cut out of drivers ed textbooks to show to you whenever you run a red light or make an illegal turn; itās not all that effective, since both of you are already desensitized to that kind of stuff from your work. Also, he canāt parallel park.
When heās not planning on killing someone, he can actually be pretty funny, albeit unintentionally. Heās kind of a massive ragebaiter, and because of his flat demeanor you can never really tell if it's on purpose or not. Heāll often say really sarcastic and snarky things with a completely straight face. Itās the complete opposite when he does try to be funny, though. Since you two work together often, and heās not planning on killing you any time soon, he doesnāt feel the need to intimidate you like he does everyone else. The first few jobs you did together, he tried to express that he wasnāt threatening to you by making ājokesā. Unfortunately, none of them landed, and everything got even more awkward...Ā
In terms of what Anton finds funny, like Carson Wells said, he doesnāt have a sense of humor⦠heās not much of a laugher, and when you make little jokes or quips heās not often to pick up on them. The things he does laugh at are a little bit childish. Mostly practical jokes. Sometimes, when talking to you, heāll randomly smile or chuckle, and you never know what for. Itās just one of the many ways in which heās strange and off-putting, and for the most part youāve gotten used to it.
Ironically, despite the fact that his job is to take lives, he gets really irrationally irritated when he sees other people engaging in self-harmful behavior. The way he sees it, being alive is a privilege, so why would one not do everything they can to preserve it? He never feels guilty about anyone he kills, but he feels especially not-guilty if he finds out the person he killed was a smoker, or drug addict, or had terrible eating habits. If they donāt even care enough to look after their own bodies, he doesnāt see why they deserve to live anyways. The first time he saw you smoking, he went on this huge guidance counselor D.A.R.E. spiel about how unhealthy it was, how it led to lung cancer, how every cigarette was five years shaved off your lifespan, on and on. He didnāt find anything funny about the fact that he, a hitman, was lecturing someone about taking better care of their health.Ā
Related to the above headcanon, itās safe to say he doesnāt drink at all. Obviously, thereās the adverse health effects, but Anton is also a man who must always be in control. He must be level-headed, rational, and alert at all times; itās a requirement of the job. He hates the way alcohol dulls the senses and makes people weak and sloppy. Heās gotten drunk only a handful of times, and has never found it appealing. He doesnāt understand why anyone would intentionally handicap themselves by drinking, especially when, to him, itās not even fun. He also just hates the taste. One time, after finishing a job together, you got a couple bottles of beer to celebrateāwhen you offered one to him, he looked at you with a mixture of bewilderment and disgust and asked, ā...you expect me to drink this?ā
As he doesnāt like to drink, he also doesnāt like it when people around him get drunk. He finds that it turns perfectly capable and respectable people into pathetic, stumbling losers. Sometimes, when youāre drunk, as a JOKE(!!!), heāll say things like: ādo you know how easy it would be for me to kill you right now? If I pulled a gun on you, you would be completely incapable of defending yourself.ā He means it as a light reprimand, not a threat, but knowing Anton it definitely comes off as the latter. Actually, he gets pretty concerned about your drinking, and the vulnerable position it puts you in. He knows that he himself has no reason to hurt you, but what about other people? If you tell him youāre going out to a bar or honky-tonk, especially if itās one you havenāt been to before, heāll take it upon himself to be your ride home. Itās not like he wants toāfrankly he has better things to doābut he sees it as his responsibility. Donāt think this means he cares about youā¦. the two of you are coworkers, acquaintances at best. He just knows that if anything happens to you, if you get taken hostage or attacked, it could be used as a lead to him.
Of course, he loves dairy productsā¦.. not just milk. Yogurt, ice cream, milkshakes, anything buttery. He frequently eats entire tubs of frozen Cool-Whip in one sitting. (I know that Cool-Whip was dairy free in 1980, but it still countsā¦) He also puts a ridiculous amount of milk in his coffee. His favorite meal of the day is definitely breakfast. He doesnāt really like cheese, though.
He avoids killing children. This doesnāt mean that he wonāt kill children if it comes down to it, but, if it can be helped, heād always prefer not to. He has no qualms with killing adults because, in his eyes, theyāre fully responsible for their deathsāwhatever they might have done to lead them here is their own fault, their fate is their own consequence. Children, though, he doesnāt see as fully aware or responsible for their lives. Itās not like he has some moral objection to killing them. In most cases, he just doesnāt believe itās their time yet. Thatās why he didnāt kill those two boys after the crash, even though they were potential witnessesā¦
(Kinda NSFW..) Although he doesnāt really feel sexual or romantic attraction, heāll still get boners from time to time. He sees it as just another bodily function, the same as eating, or sleeping, or using the restroom. Heās had sex before(don't ask how), as in, heās gone through the motions of sex, but it doesnāt really do anything for him, besides the brief physical sensation. He doesnāt get any emotional bond out of it, and, for the most part, it just makes him feel sticky and weird and uncomfortable afterwards. When he does get boners, he just patiently waits for them to go away. He doesnāt jack off, mostly because he never realized it was an option, but I donāt think heād bother with it either way.Ā
Unsurprisingly, heās not really into music. Heās not really into anythingāhe doesnāt have many hobbies. But you canāt drive without turning the radio on, so, when heās with you, he ends up listening to a lot of your music. He likes instrumentals because he canāt emotionally connect to any lyrics, and just finds singing to congest the actual music. In particular, he favors classical piano pieces. The one exception to his no-singing preference is Talking Heads, which he heard once when you tuned into an underground FM station. He liked David Byrneās voice, but thought the rest of the music was terrible.
ok, that's all for now . will post more when i think of more . let me know how these are ....... also, a lot of these headcanons are written with an oc/"x-reader" in mind . is that format preferable, or should I just write him standalone without interactions with the reader in mind ?