Anton Chigurh Headcanons !!
Hi guys first real post sorry if these are ooc ....... i tried my best .
This isnât really a headcanon, because Javier Bardem said himself he doesn't drive, but Anton HATES driving. Heâs extremely, extremely cautious about it, both hands always firmly on the wheel(as shown above), you will never see him running a red light or going even a mile past the speed limit(he always keeps at least 5 under). Part of it is also driven(pun intended) by not wanting to get stopped for a traffic violation, as that could easily lead to his other crimes being investigated and him getting arrested again. If heâs driving with anyone, he does not tolerate music or chatter under any circumstances, because he needs to be entirely focused on the road. As mentioned earlier, he drives annoyingly slowâitâs fine when heâs out on the open desert roads, without many other cars around, but god forbid he should ever go on the city highways. He gets tailgated, honked at, flipped off, all of which stress him out further and prompt him to go even slower to piss them off(or, as he likes to say it, teach them patience).
âIf everyone drove like me, there would be fewer accidents.â
Whenever the two of you are paired together on jobs, itâs almost always going to be you behind the wheel. On the one hand, heâs grateful for it, since he hates driving, but on the other, he considers himself a much safer driver than you(which he probably is) and doesnât trust your road habits, which tend to be somewhat reckless. Sometimes, just to get a rise out of him, youâll briefly speed up really fast, or zig-zag your wheel around⌠he doesnât find it amusing. He keeps a collection of extremely gruesome car crash pictures cut out of drivers ed textbooks to show to you whenever you run a red light or make an illegal turn; itâs not all that effective, since both of you are already desensitized to that kind of stuff from your work. Also, he canât parallel park.
When heâs not planning on killing someone, he can actually be pretty funny, albeit unintentionally. Heâs kind of a massive ragebaiter, and because of his flat demeanor you can never really tell if it's on purpose or not. Heâll often say really sarcastic and snarky things with a completely straight face. Itâs the complete opposite when he does try to be funny, though. Since you two work together often, and heâs not planning on killing you any time soon, he doesnât feel the need to intimidate you like he does everyone else. The first few jobs you did together, he tried to express that he wasnât threatening to you by making âjokesâ. Unfortunately, none of them landed, and everything got even more awkward...Â
In terms of what Anton finds funny, like Carson Wells said, he doesnât have a sense of humor⌠heâs not much of a laugher, and when you make little jokes or quips heâs not often to pick up on them. The things he does laugh at are a little bit childish. Mostly practical jokes. Sometimes, when talking to you, heâll randomly smile or chuckle, and you never know what for. Itâs just one of the many ways in which heâs strange and off-putting, and for the most part youâve gotten used to it.
Ironically, despite the fact that his job is to take lives, he gets really irrationally irritated when he sees other people engaging in self-harmful behavior. The way he sees it, being alive is a privilege, so why would one not do everything they can to preserve it? He never feels guilty about anyone he kills, but he feels especially not-guilty if he finds out the person he killed was a smoker, or drug addict, or had terrible eating habits. If they donât even care enough to look after their own bodies, he doesnât see why they deserve to live anyways. The first time he saw you smoking, he went on this huge guidance counselor D.A.R.E. spiel about how unhealthy it was, how it led to lung cancer, how every cigarette was five years shaved off your lifespan, on and on. He didnât find anything funny about the fact that he, a hitman, was lecturing someone about taking better care of their health.Â
Related to the above headcanon, itâs safe to say he doesnât drink at all. Obviously, thereâs the adverse health effects, but Anton is also a man who must always be in control. He must be level-headed, rational, and alert at all times; itâs a requirement of the job. He hates the way alcohol dulls the senses and makes people weak and sloppy. Heâs gotten drunk only a handful of times, and has never found it appealing. He doesnât understand why anyone would intentionally handicap themselves by drinking, especially when, to him, itâs not even fun. He also just hates the taste. One time, after finishing a job together, you got a couple bottles of beer to celebrateâwhen you offered one to him, he looked at you with a mixture of bewilderment and disgust and asked, â...you expect me to drink this?â
As he doesnât like to drink, he also doesnât like it when people around him get drunk. He finds that it turns perfectly capable and respectable people into pathetic, stumbling losers. Sometimes, when youâre drunk, as a JOKE(!!!), heâll say things like: âdo you know how easy it would be for me to kill you right now? If I pulled a gun on you, you would be completely incapable of defending yourself.â He means it as a light reprimand, not a threat, but knowing Anton it definitely comes off as the latter. Actually, he gets pretty concerned about your drinking, and the vulnerable position it puts you in. He knows that he himself has no reason to hurt you, but what about other people? If you tell him youâre going out to a bar or honky-tonk, especially if itâs one you havenât been to before, heâll take it upon himself to be your ride home. Itâs not like he wants toâfrankly he has better things to doâbut he sees it as his responsibility. Donât think this means he cares about youâŚ. the two of you are coworkers, acquaintances at best. He just knows that if anything happens to you, if you get taken hostage or attacked, it could be used as a lead to him.
Of course, he loves dairy productsâŚ.. not just milk. Yogurt, ice cream, milkshakes, anything buttery. He frequently eats entire tubs of frozen Cool-Whip in one sitting. (I know that Cool-Whip was dairy free in 1980, but it still countsâŚ) He also puts a ridiculous amount of milk in his coffee. His favorite meal of the day is definitely breakfast. He doesnât really like cheese, though.
He avoids killing children. This doesnât mean that he wonât kill children if it comes down to it, but, if it can be helped, heâd always prefer not to. He has no qualms with killing adults because, in his eyes, theyâre fully responsible for their deathsâwhatever they might have done to lead them here is their own fault, their fate is their own consequence. Children, though, he doesnât see as fully aware or responsible for their lives. Itâs not like he has some moral objection to killing them. In most cases, he just doesnât believe itâs their time yet. Thatâs why he didnât kill those two boys after the crash, even though they were potential witnessesâŚ
(Kinda NSFW..) Although he doesnât really feel sexual or romantic attraction, heâll still get boners from time to time. He sees it as just another bodily function, the same as eating, or sleeping, or using the restroom. Heâs had sex before(don't ask how), as in, heâs gone through the motions of sex, but it doesnât really do anything for him, besides the brief physical sensation. He doesnât get any emotional bond out of it, and, for the most part, it just makes him feel sticky and weird and uncomfortable afterwards. When he does get boners, he just patiently waits for them to go away. He doesnât jack off, mostly because he never realized it was an option, but I donât think heâd bother with it either way.Â
Unsurprisingly, heâs not really into music. Heâs not really into anythingâhe doesnât have many hobbies. But you canât drive without turning the radio on, so, when heâs with you, he ends up listening to a lot of your music. He likes instrumentals because he canât emotionally connect to any lyrics, and just finds singing to congest the actual music. In particular, he favors classical piano pieces. The one exception to his no-singing preference is Talking Heads, which he heard once when you tuned into an underground FM station. He liked David Byrneâs voice, but thought the rest of the music was terrible.
ok, that's all for now . will post more when i think of more . let me know how these are ....... also, a lot of these headcanons are written with an oc/"x-reader" in mind . is that format preferable, or should I just write him standalone without interactions with the reader in mind ?