Valshaena

For those of you who aren't familiar, I live in an exceptionally flammable part of the United States, and despite the fact that every goddamn year multiple parts of my state catch fire, destroy homes and kill people, the local assholes insist on getting drunk and setting fire to a bunch of illegal explosives anyway. In 2023, God granted me a Miracle that prevented my house from burning down.

Last year, I had to resort to Psychological and Chemical Warfare to keep the patriotic arsonists at bay.

This year is apparently An Important Birthday for the clusterfuck we have the nerve to call a nation, so despite the fact there is so much smoke in the air that the sun has literally been blood red for the last week, the pyrotechnic fetishists are out in force.

Last year, I hit upon the concept that if my neighbors were going to act like problem animals, it would make sense to use the management techniques on them that you might use on say, a Bear that was doing serious property damage. Thusly, I created The Stench, a nontoxic but FOUL smelling concoction that I could discretely spray around the flammable gatherings and render the area extremely uncomfortable to occupy for the rest of the night, forcing them to give up or move on.

If this seems harsh: There is no story from 2024 because a grass fire was started by fireworks less than 12 miles from me and the high winds put me in the evacuation zone in under an hour. Over fifty people lost their homes. Errant fireworks burning my house down is a very real possibility, and I pay the price in anxiety and insurance premiums.

The Stench is noxious but harmless, and also very effective at building a buffer zone around my home. But sneaking up to parties on foot in this heat is both exhausting and nerve-wracking. There have to be more effective ways to do this

-And there is! It involves Weeds and Business Cards :)

On one hand: FAR fewer fireworks parties this year!

- Only nine to last year's thirteen - three of them had the good sense to be firing their recreational explosives out over the local reservoir - That's far from foolproof - and really bad for the fish - also y'all are RIGHT NEXT to where the Bald Eagles are nesting - but congratulations on at least attempting some risk mitigation!

On the other hand.

on the other hand...

you need to take them into the woods

I do outdoor education work, and within minutes of any elementary to middle schooler getting free permission to mess around with their friends in a clearing, they’re curious and driven again. they’re asking each other questions and yeeting pinecones at trees (science) and using their bodies. sometimes for evil. as is developmentally right. they want to know the names of birds! they want to teach someone pokemon! they want to build stuff and kick stuff and tackle each other and you into the snow!

they’re basically fucking institutionalized for 90% of their lives but their spirits are alive. you need to take them into the woods you need to treat them like animals with powerful inner lives and they’ll show you they are.

Let’s play the biggest game of kick the can on the internet.

Here’s HSTHETE, the 24 hour comic I drew this year!  Thanks to everybody who followed along on twitter this weekend as I posted these pages <3

It's talked about like being obsessively neat or repeating pointless tasks is the main part of it, when really those are just potential symptoms.

The main thing behind OCD is not being about to turn off a thought. There's a thing where most people can just stop thinking about something. If it's over, it's not relevant, it doesn't matter anymore, people can turn their attention away. For OCD, that mechanism can get stuck. And some thought that was supposed to just temporarily pass through your head just stays there. An image of an object rotating. An anxiety about something bad happening. A wish that you made on a dandelion. These are all things that have at some point gotten stuck in my head, sometimes for years at a time.

The compulsions, the rituals, are the person trying to address the thought so it can go away. After all, if you're worried about the door not being locked you can check the lock. But for someone with OCD, that doesn't make the stuck thought go away. So they check it again. And again. And they made a ritual, maybe if I check it exactly five times, I'll know that it's locked and I can let this worry go.

It helps a little. It feels like you're doing something. But it doesn't solve the problem. Actual therapy for OCD involves not doing the compulsion. Instead, you ignore the thought, move around it, try not to give it space in your life. Your mind won't let the thought go normally, so instead you fill yourself with other thoughts. Other parts of your life.

I wanted to put together a post of resources and advice all collected into one spot, so here we go!

And remember, just because you think you live in an area where you are safe from wildfires because "it doesn't happen here" does not mean your risk is zero. Wildfires can happen anywhere in the United States, and their prevalence is increasing. Don't be afraid, just be aware and prepared.

Watch Duty

First and foremost, no matter where you live, I HIGHLY recommend getting the Watch Duty app and turning on alerts for the area you live. It is available on Apple, Android, and just as a website. It will allow you to get push notification updates for any wildfires that start in your area, what's happening with them, evacuation information, shelter information, and more all in one spot. It is now available in all fifty states.

The basic and important functions are all free, but you can also get a paid subscription to access some other neat stuff like a flight tracker to see what the firefighting aircraft are doing, fire progression prediction models, a list of links to local emergency services radio feeds you can listen to, etc.

Local Alerts

Signing up for local alerts is also something you need to do. EVEN IF YOU WERE SIGNED UP BEFORE 2026, RECHECK THAT YOU ARE SIGNED UP. Last year the Code Red system, which was one of the most popular local alert systems, was hacked and many places have since moved to other platforms. This means you may need to sign up again even if you were signed up before.

To find out what your local alert system is and how to sign up, search for your town's emergency management information, check government websites, check local fire department websites, or ask local officials.

Mitigate Mitigate Mitigate

Wildfires are going to happen. The best way to help protect your home and/or your business is to mitigate the impact when a fire starts. Things like defensible space, keeping your roof free of combustible debris, screening vents with metal mesh, and using fire safe plants can all be the difference between saving your home and losing it.

The FireWise program is a great place to get started with mitigation, especially if you are interested in community and neighborhood scale projects.

Another great resource if you want to look at mitigation on the community scale is the trainings offered by Coalitions & Collaboratives.

Be sure to also check what resources are available in your local community. You may be able to grants or other forms of support to help with your own mitigation projects.

Prevent the Fire Before it Starts

Put your campfire all the way out. Maintain your vehicle to prevent sparks. Don't park on or against dry plants. If you are towing, make sure your tow chains aren't dragging. If you have snow chains hung on the bottom of your vehicle anywhere, make sure those aren't dragging.

Obey Fire Restrictions

Fire restrictions are generally done on a city or county level, and can be found on the associated city or county websites. Some places are better about this than others. Most areas use the same general restrictions like no open burning, no fireworks, etc., but some may have more specific restrictions you should be familiar with.

And use common sense. If it is hot, dry, and/or windy, don't do things that could start a fire.

Know How to Report a Wildfire

Reporting a wildfire, or potential wildfire, can be tricky without an address. The BEST way is to provide a latitude/longitude, which can usually be obtained on your phone by opening a map app and dropping a pin where you think the fire is, or using other place finding apps like a compass.

If that's not an option, the closest cross streets and landmarks are good. Try to give the closest town as well, even if it is a good distance away, since there are many duplicate place names so having the closest town will help narrow things down considerably.

Understand Your Insurance

I wish I had a good link for this one, but it's going to vary heavily by state. Everyone is doing something different these days, pushing different legislation, enforcing different things. The best thing you can do for yourself is to read through your current policy(ies), talk to your insurance agent, and look up ongoing reforms in your state/area. But it is better to take the time to understand these things now, ahead of fire season.

Have an Evacuation Plan

Know multiple ways out of your neighborhood AND the area where you work AND anywhere else you spend an extensive amount of time. There is a very, very good chance that in a wildfire emergency your cellphone will lose signal and you will not be able to use a GPS app. Pre-planning your evacuation route--and actually driving it a few times--can be critical.

Keep up to date paper maps in your vehicle as well, and know how to read them, in case you lose cell signal for a more extensive amount of time.

Do not attempt to drive on roads that you and/or your vehicle is not capable of. If you get stuck, that creates a much bigger issue for you, other evacuees, and responders.

If you don't drive, for reasons of disability or otherwise, make a plan with friends or family for how you will get out. If you don't have a good support system, reach out to your local fire department to see if they know of any local services that can help, or if they can just take note of your address.

Have a Go Bag Ready

Last but not least, have a Go Bag ready along with your general preparedness measures. A Go Bag is something with JUST the basics. It is not meant to be everything you could ever need, or a full survival system. It is a backpack with the necessities to get you through the first 24-48 hours of an evacuation so you can get your feet under you and figure out the rest from there.

(Full alt text for this poster below the cut.)

After, we sat down as a household and reviewed what had gone wrong, and rearranged our closets so that everything we would need to grab while running out of the house was along the path we'd need to run to get out of the house. And we each made a personal go bag that we keep in a closet by the door. Those of us who wear glasses keep a backup pair in theirs (scratched lenses or bent frames are better than no glasses; trade up your spare whenever you can afford a new pair), those who need durable medical supplies keep spares in theirs. If the fire is close enough that we need to keep an eye on our phones, we'll also take the papers we might need out of the filing cabinet whose drawers stick a little bit and leave the folder on the dining room table next to the cat carriers. Having consistent access to our respective medications is really important, and it was tricky to keep enough in reserve in our go bags, so instead we went with environmental adaptation: now we keep it all in a dedicated plastic bin that lives on the bookshelf next to my desk. Our last drill took us 6 minutes, 4 minutes of which was getting cats into their carriers because they're both angry little starfishes when they're picked up unexpectedly. Definitely not perfect, but *way* better than the nearly 25 minutes it took us the first time we tried.