Random!

GO OFF BESTIE

Jason, losing his mind: you think- you think BRUCE excluded DICK?! no no no bubba, it’s the other way around,

Bruce: *looking at the ground intently*

Damian: i don’t understand. why did Father not adopt Grayson then?

Jason, genuinely struggling to breathe: he- he tried- *high pitched, now on his hands and knees on the floor to wheeze* Dick- god this is my favourite story ever- Dick didn’t want him-

Tim and Damian:

Tim and Damian: what.

Bruce, blushing slightly: it wasn’t that he didn’t want me, we were just in different places in the relationship,

Jason: *wheezes*

Bruce: Jason shut up.

Tim: i don’t understand.

Jason: he- he asked Dick if he wanted to be adopted, and Dick looked him right in the fucking eyes and went ‘nah, thanks.’ and walked away,

Damian: …are you being serious?

Bruce: he didn’t want anybody to take a legal role that could replace his parents, which is fully understandable and i respect it completely; he’s my child regardless of the legal specifics,

Jason: *dry heaving on the floor*

Bruce: …though it did sting a little bit when i told him ‘you know in my heart you are my son, right?’ and he looked at me and said ‘yeah.’ and nothing else.

Jason: *painful wheeze*

Bruce, starting to get slightly indignant: …-it’s also just slightly awkward whenever people come up to me and bring it up- all ‘why don’t you adopt Dick, don’t you want to?’ and then they list off all the benefits of legally adopting him and i have to stand there staring at them thinking ‘yeah i fucking agree.’

Tim and Damian:

Tim: i’m starting to think we’ve struck a nerve here,

Bruce: -you know i really poured my heart into that ‘i want to adopt you’ speech—had a powerpoint and everything, told him i loved him, basically got down on one knee with the contract. and this little shit stared me in the face wearing my fucking hand-me-downs, and was like ‘i think we should just be friends’ like how in the hell-

Jason, weakly from the floor: god i’m- please, i’m in pain,

Tim and Damian: *awkwardly watching Bruce rant while Jason cries on the floor next to him*

Tim and Damian:

Damian: this may have been a mistake-

Tim: does this mean that Jason being adopted was basically just Dick breaking up with Bruce and Bruce being so heartbroken that he went and rebounded with the first kid he found on the nearest street corner?

Bruce: *pauses rant*

Bruce:

Bruce: WHY DO PEOPLE KEEP SAYING THAT?

baffled, everybody else watches as Damian looks up from his book in a bewildered fashion, gradually turns from confused to sceptical, and asks, “…Why, what’d you do?”

“I may have accidentally blown up another helicopter.”

Damian takes this in calmly. “Twenty dollars.” He demands. The masked teenager squints.

“Five.”

“Twenty.”

“Ten.”

“Twenty.”

“Eleven.”

“Nineteen.”

“Fifteen.”

“Seventeen.”

“Done.”

Damian takes the money from the older boy and then causally turns to Bruce before telling him, “Father, this is my eighteen year old half-brother, Hood. he struggles with paranoia and is slightly mentally unstable from being submerged in the lazarus pit while young, which is why he keeps his name and face confidential from everybody other than our immediate family on our mother’s side. if Mother calls, please tell her Hood has been staying with us for the weekend.”

the rest of the bats are completely indignant, but Hood just considers Damian’s words for a few seconds and then resigns himself to, “Yeah, guess that’s fair.” and doesn’t deny anything, baffling them even more.

and that’s how the Waynes become acquainted with Hood, the probable-pyromaniac-definite-bad-influence older brother that, as it becomes increasingly clear the more he comes around, Damian adores with his whole heart. it’s also how it becomes a semi-regular occurrence that Damian’s older brother runs to the manor to demand refuge and plausible deniability from whatever bullshit he’s done at the league that Ra’s 100% knows he did but can’t fucking prove, at which point Hood will just hide with the Waynes for a few days, masked up 24/7, running around with Damian and causing chaos, confusing the fuck out of everybody because this is the first time they’ve ever been able to see Damian indulge in a genuine childhood sibling-dynamic and it knocks the bats off their feet Every Fucking Time. the only time that boy ever acts like a child is when Hood comes to visit and it both infuriates Dick and Tim, fills them with jealousy, and makes them oddly relieved to know that underneath that weird victorian-boy shell, there’s an actual modern-day child somewhere in there.

Drunken confessions

Little fish eats his foods 

So, your landlord/parents/home inspector/favorite movie star is dropping by, and your place is a disaster. You don’t have much time to clean it up. You’re in emergency mode. Let’s get started.

Don’t panic. Panic leads to fear, fear leads to procrastination, procrastination leads to the dark side. You can do this, but you have to stay calm.

Unlike maintenance cleaning, we’re not looking to completely unfuck one space at a time. Instead, we want to decrease the overall mess in stages, spread evenly across the whole area that we’re concerned about. If you think your home is at Level 10 filth, we want to bring the whole thing down to a Level 9, and then down from there. One really clean spot in an otherwise messy home is not going to be helpful here.

Get prepared. You’ll want to shut the computer down (or turn the modem off if you need your computer to play music). Trust me. Get your music going. Gather up trash bags, your vacuum and mop, some rags or paper towel, sponges, and other cleaning supplies. Use what you have on hand. Don’t get distracted running to the store and spending an hour browsing cleaning supplies. A multi-purpose cleaning concentrate or a jug of vinegar will be just fine.

Breaks are very important. Depending on your time constraints, work in 20/10s (20 minutes working, 10-minute break) or 45/15s. But take breaks because otherwise you’re marathoning, and marathon cleaning is no one’s friend. Keep hydrated, don’t forget to eat, and check in with yourself frequently to make sure you’re physically doing OK.

Make your bed. This will be your home base if you get overwhelmed or need somewhere clear to take a break.

Start with the garbage. Going from room to room, throw out anything that is obvious trash. Once you fill a bag, take it out. Repeat as many times as necessary.

Move on to dishes. Gather the dishes from all over your house and bring them to the kitchen. If you can, start them soaking in a sink of hot, soapy water or start loading the dishwasher. After the dishes are all in one place, spend one 20/10 getting started getting them under control.

Now it’s time for your flat surfaces. Countertops, tables, dresser tops, etc. Clear them off and wipe them down. Don’t get distracted in too much sorting and organizing. We’re in crisis mode here. There will be time to get in-depth once this is all done. The same applies to cabinets and closets. Unless you have reason to believe people will be opening closed doors, leave these alone for now.

Attack the floordrobe and shoe pile. Get your clothes either put away or in the hamper. Start a load of laundry if you need to, but keep in mind that laundry and dishes have three steps: wash, dry, and put it away, goddammit!

Get random stuff up off the floors. If something is trash-worthy, throw it away now rather than just move it around a bunch of times. Otherwise, put stuff where it belongs.

Take another 20/10 or 45/15 to catch up on more dishes, if needed.

Head into the bathroom. Pour some cleaner in the toilet bowl, fill the sink with hot water and cleaner, and either spray the tub and shower with cleaner, or fill the tub up with some hot water and add cleaner and let it soak. Put everything away that’s out and shouldn’t be, clean the mirror, counters, and toilet seat. Sweep or dry mop the floor. Wipe down the sink and tub/shower, and give the toilet bowl a scrub. Mop the floor.

Sweep and mop the kitchen floor.

Vacuum everything you can, and sweep everything you can’t.

Walk outside of your house (don’t lock yourself out, please). Walk back in and see what catches your eye first. Go and deal with that.

If you’re being inspected or your landlord is coming in for repairs, spend time on whatever area they’ll be focusing on.

Give the whole place one more once-over and pay attention to anything you’ve missed so far.

It’s an old trick, but if your place is a little funky-smelling, put a pan of water on the stove on low heat and add some citrus or cinnamon or vanilla. Don’t leave it unattended or forget about it.

Take a shower, put on something clean, and eat something.

You can do this. It’s overwhelming, yes, but it is not impossible. You just need to do it. You have a list. You have directions. You have a whole bunch of Internet strangers who have been there before and who are cheering you on. You can do this, but you need to get started.

everyone knows about this meme, right?

but does anyone else know the woman who made the food? no? time to educate!

This is “Mother Mary”, the owner of Blackberry’s mother.

She made all the cakes for the restaurant while it was open. Chef Gordon Ramsay tried her red velvet cake, and spoke this meme-able line:

He then called Mary over, complimented her food, and gave her a peck on the cheek.

Look how happy she was to hear that!!!

Katara: BOY???? HOT BOY?????? HOT TEENAGE BOY?????????

Zuko: *speaks*

Brushing Appa of course. Zuko would be pretty decent at that, but would come back to Aang absolutely covered in slobber and bison hair. “Awww! He likes you! <3″

Then it’d be calming meditation and slowing Zuko’s breathing (”But I am calm!”), tracking an elusive and nigh legendary animal so they can ride it, teaching patience by baking the perfect cake ”You just slapped the frosting on! It looks awful! *airbends it into the horizon* “Again!”

When Zuko finally gets it right, he almost smiles at Aang saying: “Excellent work, my student.” Then to Zuko’s consternation and horror Aang flings it at the head of the Fire Nation Governor during a political function. “And now we run!”

Pranks would be absolutely the thing that would bluescreen Zuko. Here’s an airbending master, over a century old, witnessed the genocide of his people, and he’s juggling, doing dances and tricks with Momo for the village kids, and plaguing the local aristocrats and military officers with flying cakes and whoopie cushions.

“How am I supposed to beat the Firelord with whoopie cushions?!”

And then, perfectly serious for the first time since Zuko had met him: “You don’t. The Avatar is about restoring balance. This training isn’t so you can fight the Firelord - it’s so you can stop a war.”

It takes a long time for Zuko to understand this. But the weird thing is: the townsfolk actually like Aang. Sure the aristocrats and crooked merchants and the officers don’t, but even the common Fire Nation infantry hide their chuckles with a cough when they see their commander’s fancy armor get covered in honey and feathers by “Crazy Aang,” again.

And Zuko realizes, at that moment, that he’s been having fun.

So, waking early, with no prompting from Aang, Zuko feeds Momo, brushes Appa, washes off the slobber, brews Aang his morning tea -perfectly cooled- and then proceeds to make a new, beautiful cake with no explanation.

“That looks wonderful, my student. Your best yet! Who were you planning to-”

Then Zuko smashes it in Aang’s face.

sometimes abuse victims will insist to others that they were/are not being abused. sometimes abuse victims will insist to others that it's okay they were/are being abused for whatever reason.

in fact, leading a victim to believe that what is happening is normal and fine and even good or righteous for whatever reason is a common feature of abuse, whether the abuser did it on purpose or not.

if an abuse victim in your life...

questions whether they were abused

goes back and forth about whether they think they were abused

tells you they weren't being abused, and then later says they were