Live with no regrets!

OMG everyone I know the ACTUAL story behind the gif this time! Yes, it’s in Australia– that’s a big angry goanna that wandered into a popular restaurant. All the Australians in the vicinity went OH FUCK NO and cleared off, because goannas are mean. The waitress you see there is a French exchange student, who was quoted as saying something to the effect of “I thought it was a weird ugly dog” and had no idea it was a reptile that wanted to rip her arms off. She’s been hailed as a hero who saved diners.

It’s amazing what power “not knowing” has.

The thing I especially love about this is this is a pretty dangerous animal, except she managed to defeat it by just fucking grabbing it by the tail and walking too quickly for it to turn around. Once again the animal kingdom is thwarted because we evolved opposable thumbs, long limbs, and reckless bravery.

weird, ugly dog thwarted by foreign exchange student and polished floors 

my take-home lesson here is that nobody in france has ever first-hand seen a dog

no no, french dogs just be like that

unrecognizable force VS ignorant object

If you rear-end this car you’re legally required to say “Buenos dias,”

hrrnn… optimus im trying to sneak around but i’m dummy thick and the clap of my car ass cheeks keeps alerting the humans

I’d date me. Like I’m a fuckin catch.

I’d marry myself and be the happiest fucking person in the world. fuck you mean???

^

I’m making bread

I hate this shit but ain’t trynna risk it

This whole post is a big big big mood