My Thoughts

We belonged to different fairytale endings.

One thing I learned a long time ago is that even if you think you’re meant to be with someone, that doesn’t necessarily mean you get to be with them.

You were the sun, and I was crashing into you. I’d wake up in the morning and think, ‘This will end in flames.

And maybe we don’t have to call it anything other than grocery shopping. Maybe we can call it holding hands, sharing secrets, four AM texts, and watching movies but not really watching them. But kissing instead.We don’t have to call it love, but it can be. But I think it is. I just want you, even if you don't want to call it something. Even if you aren’t ready to say what it means to want me.

5 things I wish I knew about you: 1. You overthink, and not just when you’re upset. I can ask you a yes or no question and you will go through some sort of insane mental process that drives me crazy before you provide an answer. 2. You’re lost. You’re so lost. And not like the way I get when I look into your ocean eyes, but you’re lost in a way where only you can find yourself once you know what you want in life. I only say this because I’ve tried for many years now to help you get found, but I was only making you more lost by doing so. And for that, I’m sorry. 3. You’re sensitive. And I am too but I’m better at hiding it which is why I know of you. 4. You’re curious and you question the world, with so much dignity and a hidden personality. You strive in foreign land, speaking words amongst those who have ever doubted you. You’re not afraid to go out there, alone. But that’s the thing, you’re never [alone]. 5. You’re a lover. A lover of everything and everyone there is to see. And that is the biggest thing I wish I knew, because I’ve learned that you’ll never be in love with only me, you need more than just a single being. And so these are the things I wish I knew. To the person who will occupy your life next, I pass this on to you. Just know, she loves you a lot, she just has her own way of showing it.

Someday, we’ll run into each other again, I know it. Maybe I’ll be older and smarter and just plain better. If that happens, that’s when I’ll deserve you. But now, at this moment, you can’t hook your boat to mine, because I’m liable to sink us both.

She’s imperfect but she tries; She is good but she lies; She is hard on herself; She is broken and won’t ask for help; She is messy but she’s kind; She is lonely most of the time; She is all of this mixed up…

I’m an extreme. I extremely do everything. If I like you, I’ll love you. If you’re my friend, you’ll be my best friend. If you give up on me, my heart will break. If you try to make me smile, I’ll laugh. If I try to hurt you, I’ll find the nastiest way to do that. If I try to make you happy, I’ll blow your mind. If you annoying me, I’ll hate you. If I hate you , I’ll execute you a hundred times in my mind. Be careful which road you’ll take with me … because I’ll always take you to the extreme.

You have to find the right distance between people. Too close, and they overwhelm you, too far and they abandon you.

I’ll write my loneliness in poems, If I can just think how to start