Kidnapped and experimented on by aliens but I was in the control group so nothing happened

they should invent friends that do not live so fucking far

Watching mad max fury road and my mom said "I would just kill myself I'm not doing any of this shit"

when people are like “oh so you’re just gonna judge someone for their political beliefs?” yes actually. I think someone’s values and opinions is a pretty reasonable thing to judge them for.

just saw someone say they were "hyperfixated" on cooking with seasonal squash i love that nothing means anything

i’m seriously traumadumping pepper all over these boiled eggs

I’m gaslighting my stove

the shit your parents do when you move out

just a heads up if i ever act dumb i’m joking. i’m 100% smart and know literally everything