an outlet for my internal thunderstorms

always thought that’s how it would end

an inextinguishable list of regrets,

full of the sins I had condemned

the loneliest nights,

are the ones hardest to conquer,

the ones where a fragile & vanquished knight,

loses all her honour

those nights were my weak link,

my ever-lasting reminder

that love and I could never be in sync,

and I was never going to find her,

for love is an achievement for those who put themselves in the spotlight,

a facade I couldn’t achieve, since I would always be a fight or flight.

we ran ran straight into the abyss of reality,

he became my unwanted conquest,

we crashed crashed into the wall of my truth

my lover fell through the cracks,

our time was rented, on the mercy of destiny

therapeutic it was, our analogy

the calculation I had, turned fragile

a sweet meaningless lie that can only last so long,

hides the deepest secrets.

The prettiest eyes

have cried the most tears.

And the kindest hearts

have felt the most pain.

I can fly in my own sky,

Afford all my dreams,

But they don't see a steel chain suffocating me.

I am not free, I cannot walk,

I cannot live my life the way I want.

For the last time, I want you to go away, fly away just as bees do once the flowers wilt. Go find someone new, because I’m not the belle to your beast nor the bandaid to your wounds. I can’t be your saviour, when I myself am lying in the ditches. I can’t piece you back together, when I don’t know what it feels to be complete. Life isn’t fair to no one, and we were never an exception. Before taking my leave into the dusk of the morning, I leave you with a contradiction of fate. I give to you all my heart, however many pieces there may be left, all of them as a memoir for you to never forget me. I want you to keep my recollection vivid just as your reminiscence about your old record player. Let me fade into the distance like the starry spheres in the sky yet return right back as soon as the melancholy darkness settles.

But for my heart, I beg of you your egress . Stop fighting our fate, don’t plan out happy ending because we won’t have one, go out in the world and live. For I will always be with you but worlds apart.

So just, let it be

But you couldn't leave me out on the road

You said, there's an end but I can't see no more

I went back in & realised that I'm not meant to fit in

So let go and maybe I'll see you passing by Let go, and one day we'll be looking eye to eye Let go, cause you deserve someone better than me

Let go, but I'm thankful that you sent me free

From the nightmares that followed me along, You came in my life and now they are gone

You've been by my sides

When i used to cry till midnight!

but this is where we end this road.

~~

As if I can't recognise the person in there.

Her face is full of rejection,

From the people that she cares about.

She looked a little too far,

Just because of flaws, picked up cigars.

Didn't know how to let go,

But they said that's how it goes.

Why do you fall

Even after all that resistance,

Why do you not stop?

I don't want you,

you make me weak & fragile

& everything that i never thought could be true

So, why tear,

Why have you made roads

Navigating through my cheeks as if it were your home

Fall all you want,

When the lights are dimmed,

Because when the sea touches the sun,

I'll hide behind the curtain once again,

Although my heart still reeks for him.

~~~

Cause I'll have to lie again.

Faking a smile on my face,

While I'm shattered inside.

The reasons are unknown,

Just like, your intentions.

My head is blowing off,

Cause I can't stop thinking

Yeah, i changed.

Now i feel like crying in my blanket, all night long While my mind is contemplating everything I've done Thinking bout you every second that's passed

Don't know if I should let you in or shut you out.

I am the person, to whom people turn to, to open up their hearts, then why is my own on lockdown.

I am the responsible one, the one who never breaks down or let's people down then why do I feel like a disgrace?

I am in a state of mourn although my life is as blissful as it gets.

I am the problem.

4-5 pm, it commences....Woah, don't worry nothing wonky donkey....just my singing practice. I know many of you might say that are you a mythbeliever or something, 'cause you can practically sing any time,whether its 4 in the morning or 11 at night. Singing is one thing thats there 24/7.

But the reason why I do it only between 4-5 is something peculiar. That's the only time my house is silent. My 3 yr old BABY SISTER just keeps annoying every living organism in our house all day long except for that one hour. That time is what everybody waits for all day,especially me. That precious time.....I even use it to record my YouTube videos,bytheway if you didnt know who I am(which you probably don't) then here it is,

I am a 13yr old Music freak, I love and pursue singing and occasional ukelele playing. Shawn Mendes, Justin Bieber and Olivia Rodrigo are the people who inspire me. If you wanna hear more blogs on the Life of A Teen like me then do follow me.

In March 2020, I discovered my dream(I guess, everyone has it, but mine was out of my wildest dreams)I just wanted to be a Singer and I mean a Pop Professional singer here. Living in India, I hadn't even heard one English song then but this dream just conquered me after I heard the FIRST one ‘Sorry’ by Justin Bieber (who is now my second biggest inspiration, keep reading to find THE FIRST ONE) what's the first step everybody does, yeah I practiced a LOT, my parents and my neighbors were the most troubled people on Earth at that time ’cause though I practiced tons I was really bad (or should I say horrible). All my family mates gave me a negative criticism at all times thinking I would let go but surprisingly I didn't. I hadn't ever been a confident girl, I was usually bullied easily but at that time I felt like my inner soul is telling me that “NAYSHA, YOU WOULDNT LET GO OF YOUR DREAMS” and I didn’t. I didn't let go, which has actually been the best decision I have made in my freaking life.

After 8 months, at last, my birthday came (Woohoo!) and think what did I ask for? Vocal lessons, of course! I took them with all my hard work and then came the time to prove myself, to whom people might ask? MYSELF. Yes, I wanted to prove myself that I am fully absorbed in this avocation. So I started a YouTube channel (Check it out if you want to), but a clear path to walk on is certainly not in my cup of tea I think. I was terrified that my friends will demotivate me and that this wall of confidence that I had created around myself will crash.So I made the stupidest decision ever possible, I didnt claim my channel, nor told anyone bout it.  Literally 4 months and 4 videos later, my mind and heart were debating on the same topic, Wanna know which side they were on? Mind-No Way. HEART- YES WAY, at last my guts kicked in and became the tiebreaker. Conclusion- I put my name in that video and my face in the video after that. More on this later Peace, Naysha

Ps. Just on a thought, I’m putting my favourite sentence (Idk if it’s a quote too) below.....Check and tell if you can find its meaning.