Unsynchronized

I waited,

Even if the circumstances weren't favourable,

Even when I knew we wouldn't meet,

Even on days you didn't want to listen,

On days I wasn't ready to share,

I waited,

I'm not sure why I did,

What I hoped or expected out of it,

But I always did,

I waited,

When people caught your attention,

When they needed you around,

On days when you wanted to be around them,

It hurt a lot but I couldn't help as,

I waited,

It was never going to work out in my favour,

Never did I wish for it to,

But somehow I always did,

I waited,

For your one word or call,

Your one smile or look,

On days you were angry or sad,

Brimming with energy or mad,

I waited,

Because I was selfish in my endeavors,

As I laid helpless under my instincts that wanted it all,

It was tough but I did it all,

Want you in my life, want you around me,

Your happiness has become unknowingly precious to me,

When you are mad or upset,

Entirety of my being rushes to calm you down,

To bring you out of that head space,

My love for you tests me in different ways,

Knowing it'll always be friendship and nothing more,

Knowing the consequences of falling for you deeper,

Am on mission of bringing myself out of it unscathed,

My heart grows fonder every time you speak,

We're so different, it's impossible for us to work out,

Your tastes are so different, it's impossible for you to adjust to mine, and mine to yours,

Yet my heart craves for you and your proximity like no other,

I wonder why, I keep wondering why,

I know the reason, I know the answer,

To why my love for you has grown so strong,

I just wonder how I can bring myself out of this unscathed,

Your presence lights up everything within me,

Am scared of what everyone says,

Am scared of believing it, or denying it,

Presumption is a bitch,

Yet keep solely processing and functioning on that,

Want you close, want you around,

Would you leave the day I ask you to stay?

Because it's impossible for me to bring myself out of this unscathed

On days where I'm incapable of giving,

Even when you'd need me the most,

Would you still be my friend?

Would you still stay?

Irrespective of how frustrated you are,

How life has been treating both of us,

Would you not get tired of me,

Even after a breath of fresh air,

Would you come back to me?

When we'd get tired of things,

Tired of each other,

Start putting up a wall around ourselves,

Close up our hearts,

Protect ourselves from each other,

Would you still hold on,

Talk to me and stay by my side,

Because it's worth it?

With the changing pace,

With impatience building in our heads,

Would you escape from the world with me?

Would you escape the reality with me?

Be comforted by silence?

On days when our words won't be enough,

On days when we'd be insolable,

When we won't have solutions,

Would you just hug me once?

Would you still just be with me?

Tell me shitty jokes,

Goof around or just hold me close,

Till my sorrows loosen their hold on me?

Would you still stay?

Tiny sparks, healthy light,

Take me with you away from scattered hopes,

Shattered dreams,

Pretty flowers, open fields,

Take me with you away from broken reality,

Meaningless existence,

Mute tunes, broken rhythm,

Take me with you away from vicious loops,

Mindless chatter

Unscented candles, crushed petals,

Take me with you away from exquisite perfumes,

Reeking drinks,

Shards of glass, raw wounds,

Take me with you away from substance abuse,

Hurtful words

Purple lights, shimmering moon glade,

Take me with you away from this lost feeling,

Relentless expectations,

Strong words, borrowed courage,

Take me with you away from uncomfortable touches,

Unwanted attention

Happy smiles, caring touch,

Take me with you away from crooked world,

Sweet affection came to me,

Swamp of butterflies danced in my stomach,

Their sweet memories played in my head,

Huge grin plastered on my face,

Giggles irupted my throat,

Warmth settled on my bones,

I welcomed it all,

Pushed away the inhibitions,

Explored the emotions,

As goosebumps erupted on my skin,

Asked the blubbering mess to stay a bit longer,

For my smile to stretch wider,

For the heartbeats to keep racing,

For the happy buzz to stay in my head,

For the spring in my steps to not be lost,

For the affection in my heart to not get shrunken,

It all seems so shallow,

It all feels so shallow,

My love for others,

My excuses,

My understanding,

My life and dreams,

It all seems so shallow,

It all feels so shallow,

My solutions,

My fake optimism,

My plans and struggles,

My reasons and hurt,

It all seems so shallow,

It all feels so shallow,

My pride,

My pain,

My gigantic ego,

My overthinking that drives me insane,

It all seems so shallow,

It all feels so shallow,

My behaviour,

My kindness,

My smiles and regrets,

Firm and strong,

A mountain stands before the ocean

Tall and proud,

Unafraid of the vastness and depth of the ocean,

Humble and grounded,

Despite closer to the sky it stands before the ocean,

Accomodating and adaptable,

Letting itself get carved by the waves of the ocean,

Yet grandiose and colossal,

I keep wondering what was all of it for,

Why we wake up every single day,

Running behind hopeless things,

Unrealistic love,

No way to go forward,

I'm stunned by the endless horizon,

Unbound sea,

Helping others or helping myself,

Making my suffering less or theirs,

It all seems so shallow and useless,

I keep wondering what was all of it for,

As I overlook the sea,

Stand at the foot of gigantic mountain,

Protecting the nature is a noble cause,

Yet I wonder how can a small, untalented individual do it all,

Stand at the cliff I wondered where I wanted to go,

Because going back wasn't an option,

And neither was forward,

Yet somehow closing my eyes,

Feeling the impartial breeze caress my face,

As much as it made me shiver,

It made me feel warm,

I keep wondering how long the warmth would last,

Because despite me giving my life a meaning,

The harsh reality lied in front of me,

That there was none at all

Hopeful yet not,

Comforted yet restrained,

Happy now, clear and focused now,

Shattered and numb then,

You'll meet the version of me,

That my mood dictates me to be,

Happy, meek, sad, confident,

Are just phases that come and go,

Fragmented yet balanced,

Motivated yet hopeless,

I wonder as I wander,

Who I might be,

In what shape do I want to be,

Have always found tough to be me,

Yet it's the easiest way I can ever be,

Running on the shore I realised life isn't as hard as I make it out to be.

Floating on a water body I realised smiling isn't the key to all problems, but a key to make them lighter.

Sitting on a mountain top I realised how unfortunate humans are to narrow down our own vision.

Climbing a ladder I realised that it was always a gradual process.

Sitting on a tree top I realised even if we have root, it has multiple branches, which makes us a human and the tree is the result of all of those branches that soak in water. That one thing doesn't define a human, it's always a mixture of many many things.

Smiling at my reflection I realised that how easy it is to focus on our problems alone.

Standing idle in the staircase I realised how tough it is to take the first step.

Standing under a waterfall I realised my ability to be infinite and withstand anything life would throw my way.

Listening to music I realised how easy and essential it is to let the emotions course through my body.

Standing under the night sky I realised how simple joy can be, yet how desensitized we have become.

A little rose bud, once asked a sunflower why it couldn't change colours. Sunflower scared, said because it was normal and loyal to colour yellow.

As the bud pondered over the answer, the gardener who came to pluck Rose's sibling, got pricked by its thorn. Rose, terrified, weeped and weeped, looking at the blood on its nurturer's finger.

Days came and went by, rose started wilting before even blooming. Fertilizers didn't work, nor did the sunflowers' sweet talk or angry words. Tired, not knowing what to do, gardener gave up on it.

Then, one day, an angel stopped by, bought the wilting plant from the gardener and planted it in a polyhouse full of other roses.

The bud initially closed off peeked out to find itself in the middle of sumptuous multicolored roses in their full bloom. Lively and gorgeous is how it described them. The bud longed for it.

Surely but slowly and steadily, roses slowly helped the rose out of its bud to accept the gift bestowed upon it by nature.

Love was a strange emotion. Sometimes you just loved something or someone just because. It was an inexplicable feeling blooming in your heart. Consuming all of you. Sometimes you just dived headfirst into the emotion, and sometimes it was something that gradually grew into you. Sometimes its existence so prominent, you couldn't think about anything but that, whereas sometimes even you were unaware of its existence. Love, for sure was a strange emotion.

Earth to us is reality, grounding and stationary, but it's the earth that's rotating and revolving, whereas the sun a size of fist that serves us endlessly. Is that the nature of reality, of how senses deceive us? Or is it our ignorance towards reality that keeps us from seeing things as they are?

Unbridled happiness came to me and asked if I want its company,

Confused I gave into the instinct and said no,

It was the change that scared me,

It was the eventual inevitable rejection that I feared,

It was my current comfort that held me hostage,

Years later I went to unbridled happiness asking for it to accompany me,

Ready for a rejection, I was overjoyed by its acceptance,

Unbridled happiness asked if it could stay with me,

Afraid of what it'd ask of me in exchange, I said no,

It was the price that scared me,

It was its commitment that I feared,

It was the notion of 'nothing comes free' that held me hostage,

Years later I went to unbridled happiness, asking it to stay a bit longer,

Ready for a rejection, I was overjoyed by its acceptance,

Unbridled happiness happiness asked me for its acceptance,

Feeling undeserving of its kindness, I said no,

It was the unbridled happiness' wellbeing that I scared me,

It was own longing and desperation I felt for it that I feared,

It was guilt of the past rejections that held me hostage,

That's my relationship with my unbridled happiness,

I was so caught up in own well being,

It was that one moment of sadness that scared me,

That I was ready to trade all moments of unbridled happiness,

It was my fears that kept me a hostage.